Fanfiction Trauma
by IncognitoGirl1993
Summary: When an extremely bored Reid stumbles upon Fanfiction dot net his world is turned upside down. Watch as the genius and the rest of the BAU team tackle on a threat worse then any unsub they've come across with, badly written fanfiction stories featuring them. 4th and 3rd wall will most certainly be broken. Absolute crackfic! Now taking requests.
1. Chapter 1

**I just think the Criminal Minds fandom needs a good, hilarious, insane, 4th/3rd wall breaking story. Inspired by **_TheMuseumOfJeanette_**'s creation. **

**Fanfiction Trauma**

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**Prepare for insanity. **

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Chapter 1: A Fate Worse Than Any Unsub

It was one of those extremely rare days for the profilers and for the technical analyst, one where they actually got to have the weekend off. There was unusually no immediate call from work that had them running back to the BAU building. These days were sacred.

Reid had opted on spending his Saturday well, starting with a good breakfast. This golden day was meant to be savored. He could finally catch up on some new books that he'd bought, although he estimated that he'd be finished with them pretty quickly. The thought managed to deflate him slightly.

Perhaps he could read it extra slow this time. It sounded like an interesting challenge. Although his minds was already programmed to scan the letters at an above normal pace he decided to humor himself and just try something new. He didn't really have anything else planned for his Saturday.

Reid had learned a long time ago not to make any kinds of plans. His demanding occupation had a tendency of throwing a wrench into his personal life. It never truly bothered him as he really loved doing what he does, besides it wasn't like he was that much of a 'go out and enjoy life' type of person.

After fixing himself up a nutritious breakfast he decided to start his day. It took him five minutes of staring into his living room to find out he had no idea what to do. His eyes landed on the widescreen TV positioned atop a desk.

"Wonder what's on?"

Reid took the remote and slumped onto his comfy sofa. He flipped on his TV and began scanning for channels.

"News, reruns, baby shows, cartoons, more news..." Reid trailed off as he continued his channel flipping. He decided to settle on a whichever the channel landed him on next, otherwise he'd be continuing this endless cycle. It landed on a horror movie, which wasn't really his thing but he would keep to his word and stay on it.

Unfortunately though, thirty minutes in and he'd already deduced who the killer was. This was exactly why he never watched these types of movies. It also occurred to him that he'd labeled the killer as 'the unsub' on more than one occasion.

What could he say, he _never_ gets days off.

Realizing that the television would get him nowhere he shut it off and headed to his room. Perhaps he could go out and play some chess, which was always refreshing for him. Suddenly a small box in the corner of his eyes caught his attention, a FedEx box to be precise. When had he ordered something?

His profiler-alert mode turned off when he recognized the object inside. It was simply a laptop. He recalled now that he'd gotten it after his had accidentally broken. That had been a few weeks ago, he had never actually gotten the time to open it.

Now would definitely be a good time.

So Reid began the process of pulling out the device and began setting it up. He placed it on his desk where the old one use to be. It took a few moments before he had it connected with his network. Reid was never much of an internet person. He did play a few online games that Garcia had introduced him to though.

The next hour was spent re-downloading his games and playing online scrabble. The dreaded boredom began to take root again. This time Reid found himself typing random things on the Google search bar.

In the midst of his boredom he came upon an unfamiliar website, Fanfiction dot net. It didn't take much for him to realize it was a site for fanmade fictional stories. He had to admit that the site sounded interesting. It was a place where a person can let their minds wander; a place that allowed anyone to write stories and not need to be an author.

He wondered what sort of stories non-authors would write about. He navigated through the site and managed to see of few of his favorite TV shows and books. After reading a few he realized that he liked the site.

Deciding to move out of the 'Books' category he moved the mouse and clicked on the 'TV Shows' section. He was relieved to see the vast quantity of 'Doctor Who' stories. When Reid had his fill of stories related to Doctor Who he opted on trying another section.

He eyed the 'Top 200' list and began clicking on the numerous sections just to check them out. After all he had an entire free Saturday to enjoy all the wonders this newly discovered site had installed for him. Reid made a mental note to come back later on when he got the time.

An eerie feeling welled up inside him as he came upon one particular category. The summaries had too many similarities to just brush of as coincidences. His breath hitched and his heart skipped a beat when he noticed his name on one.

His hands trembled and he immediately slammed his laptop shut. Unconsciously he moved a few feet away from the device that laid on his desk.

Could he have misread it? No not with his brain capacity. It was at times like this that he cursed his accelerated mind. Maybe his laptop was broken? Perhaps it had a virus?

That just had to be it.

Since he didn't know much about electronics he figured he needed someone with the right expertise for this sort of thing. Giving it absolutely no more thoughts he began dialing the one person who he knew could help him.

"Reid, what can I do for you my young Jedi?"

"Garcia I need you to come over to my house, it's urgent."

"What? What's wrong are you hurt what happened?" Her frantic voice spoke.

"It's my laptop; I need you to check it out."

Garcia sighed in relief on the other line. "God, don't scare me like that. Anyways, didn't you just buy that thing or something?"

"Yeah but I think— no, I know that it's definitely broken. I think it has some weird virus."

"Oooh tough luck, I told you not to shop on eBay without my supervision. There are snakes there just waiting to find some poor prey to fall into their clutches."

"I'll most certainly keep that in mind the next time I do any online shopping. So, do you think you can make it over here?"

"I did have some plans, but I'm willing to cancel them to help you out pumpkin. Don't worry I'll be there on a flash."

"Thank you Garcia." Reid said before bidding her goodbye.

He narrowed his eyes and eyed the laptop warily. Was this some sort of a machine takeover? Did machinery finally grow their own subconscious, or was it only his laptop?

For the next thirty minutes that it had taken for Garcia to arrive Reid had yet to remove his gaze from the laptop. It was only when he heard the knock that he decided to break contact. He made sure to leave his bedroom door open before bolting to the door.

What would his friend think of all this?

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**Author's notes**

**Poor Reid doesn't know what he's just unfolded. He has no idea what awaits him and the team. Next up comes our first story.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow I didn't expect such a nice reception, thanks.**** I wanna point out that I will NOT use stories that people have written, these will all be made up stories. I'm not going to bash and criticize people's hard work. Besides I don't want a wall of flames.**

**Fanfiction Trauma **

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**Sorry for not updating, it just took a bit since I was working on my other story**_ A Lack of Color_**.**

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Chapter 2: Horrible Grammar

"Hey boy genius I came as fast—" Garcia failed to complete her sentence as Reid had dragged her inside.

"Thank goodness you're here." Reid said. "Have you noticed anything strange with your computer?"

"Huh, no, I keep my babies in pristine condition."

"Then, it's only mines." Reid murmured to himself eliciting a confused look from his friend.

"You're scaring me sugar."

"Sorry I didn't mean to but the truth is that I'm a bit on the edge right now."

"Oooh and just what sort of guilty pleasure puts my boy on edge?" Garcia squealed.

"Just come and check my laptop as that is the offender."

That served to deflate her bubbly mood. "You're such a bore." Nonetheless Garcia followed him towards his room. She noted that Reid had walked in front of her, as if he were protecting her. "Um are you sure everything is alright?"

"Honestly I don't even know anymore." Reid answered as he beckoned his laptop. "Please get rid of the virus."

"So some snake out there really did infect my baby's laptop with a virus," Garcia started with a frown. "Don't you worry Reid, I'll track it down and send it back to that slimeball a thousand fold."

Reid smiled lightly in the midst of it all. "Thanks Garcia." He knew she was the right person to have called. He hovered over Garcia as she took a seat on his computer chair. "Be careful."

At this Garcia gave him a pointed look. "Relax sweetpea, it's just a virus. It won't sprout legs and attack us."

Somehow Reid wasn't convinced.

She flipped it up and the screen lit up. Not taking any notice to the website Garcia minimized everything and began her magic. It didn't take long for her to diagnose the device. What she found —or better yet didn't find— made her frown.

"Well?" Reid asked.

Garcia wheeled the chair around to face him and sighed. "Look Reid, if you wanted to spend time with me you know all you had to do was ask."

In response he furrowed his brows. "I'm not following."

"I'm saying that you don't have to make excuses up as a way to get me to come over."

"I wasn't making excuses my laptop—"

"Is completely fine," she cut him off. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. It has a clean bill of gigabytes."

"That's impossible." Reid protested. "Did you see what I found in it? Check."

"Fine, but after I tell you that everything is okay we are going to have fun." Garcia said and she opened his internet tab back. "Fanfiction? What's that?" She said and faced him again.

"It's this site where anyone can make up their own stories based on multiple categories. It's pretty interesting, there's a section for books, movies, anime, and—" he trailed off when she gave him a blank stare. "Oh um, I'm rambling aren't I?"

"Yes, you are."

"What I wanted to say was that I was checking the website out when I stumbled onto something very unsettling. That's when I slammed my laptop shut and called you. See for yourself what I mean."

"Oh right, where was I?" Garcia said as she resumed her investigating. She scanned the screen and froze.

Reid did not miss her horrified expression. "I told you, it's weird."

"I-I... I saw our names. Why did I see our names?" Garcia fumbled for words. She turned to Reid as a dawning realization sunk in. "Wait so this thing has stories... on us, right?"

"I'm assuming so, why?" He asked, confused by her amused look.

"So let's check them out."

"What?! No way!"

"Don't be a chicken Reid, aren't you the least bit curious as to what the stories that involve us are about?"

"No! That's not even close to what I'm feeling!"

"C'mon just one, and then that's it." Garcia said and didn't give him any more chance to protest as she clicked on the top story. "Found one, now I'll read so just sit back.

Reid sighed in defeat. "I'll be in the kitchen so—"

Garcia quickly grabbed his wrist before he made his exit. "Oh no you do not. You're staying." She smirked when he stood by her side and then returned to reading the story, making sure to cough dramatically before reading.

**A Tale of a Good Story**

Reid raised a brow. "Is that really the title?"

"Kind of a boring one if you ask me." Garcia added. "The title is usually what draws me in."

"Well you picked it, so go on."

**By EveryoneISBeneathME**

Garcia frowned. "Someone is pretty full of themselves."

"Hmm, judging from the way the name is written, with capitalization, I'd say that it's most certainly a preteen. Not necessarily a narcissist but shows signs of a possible transformation in the future."

"Geez we're off duty and all but you look like you never truly are off duty."

**Summary: Yeah I suk at summarys so I didn't rite squat. Just take ten minutes out ur boring life N read it. Trust me it's good.**

Garcia scoffed. "Definitely a kid, do you see the rudeness?"

"I don't know for sure if it's a girl or a boy but I'm leaning towards a boy, the tone shows a sense of superiority. Also this adds to my previous hypothesis that he may undergo a later transformation when he matures." Reid added.

"Matures? I don't think he's in danger of that."

**The BAU wuz pretty silent today. The team was doing their paperwork n stuff.**

"He's speaking in cellphone, further adds to—"

"I get it Reid, cut it out already. You make me feel like I'm still at work."

**It wuz so far a typical day 4 dem. When an unsub popped in outta nowhere. **

"Highly unlikely, our building is extremely guarded with trained officials on constant watch." Reid said. "An unsub wouldn't be able to simply walk in."

**He had a black ski mask and was wearin all black clothes. **

**"I'm here 4 Hatchner!" The unsub sed.**

"Hah, Hatchner." Garcia laughed. "I don't know why but that sounded funny."

**The crew all turned around n took out der guns. Attached to da unsub was a hostage. **

**"He has JJ!" Emily sed.**

"Oh no not JJ!" Garcia said with actual concern.

"Do you not find this even a bit weird?"

"Of course I do, but I find it much more interesting. I wonder when yours truly is going to make her divine entrance."

**"Until u give me Hatch I won't stop!"**

**"We have to do what he says." Emily sed.**

**"Yeah, we don't have another choice." Morgan sed.**

"Oooh look, there goes my hot stud." Garcia cheered.

"How are you excited? I'm totally freaked out." Reid exclaimed.

**"Dis is bad guys." Reid sed.**

"Aaahh!" Reid yelped and he stumbled backwards.

Oblivious to the reason for his outburst Garcia gave him a raised brow. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? _What's wrong_? My name has just been used in some weird website without my permission or prior knowledge!"

Garcia shrugged and brushed him off. "Relax, this is getting exciting."

**"Drop ur guns or I kill her!" The unsub sed.**

**"Damn" Morgan sed and dey placed der weapons on da ground. **

**Hatch stared thru the konference room and noticed the comotion. An unsub had JJ kaptive and had a gun pointed to his team. He had not noticed till now wat was going on.**

"Wait there's a psychotic unsub shouting and holding JJ captive and Hotch just notices? Reid asked incredulously. "That isn't the Hotch I know."

"You know on second thought I change my mind, I don't wanna make a cameo."

**"Stop right there!" Hatch finally made his entrance. **

**"So u finally show up Hatch!" The unsub said.**

"Hey lookie, he finally wrote 'said'." Garcia pointed out.

**"Release JJ now! Who r u and wat do u want?" Hotch sed.**

"Nope, it's back to 'sed' I guess that previous one was just a typo."

"Actually, technically it wasn't a typo that's what you're supposed to write."

Garcia facepalmed. "Missing the joke as always."

**The unsub laughed. "Haha! Don't u recognize me Hatch?"**

"That's odd." Reid murmured.

"What is?"

"He spelled 'recognize' right, I was expecting him to misspell it."

Garcia shrugged. "Maybe he isn't that bad at spelling, maybe he's just lazy."

"Wow, I can't believe I didn't think of that." Reid replied, actually baffled by the knowledge of that realization.

**"Who r u?" Emily sed.**

**The unsub took of his mask and da team gasped. It was the unsub they had stopped in California. **

"Who?" Garcia questioned. "Reid do you know who he's talking about?"

"Hard to say, throughout our careers we've entered the California state on more than one occasion. They need to be more specific."

"Somehow I don't see that happening."

**"It's you!" Morgan sed.**

**"We need to do something guys." Emily sed.**

**"Yeah I will think of something." Reid sed.**

"Aaahhh!"

Garcia frowned. "Okay seriously are you gonna scream every time your name is included."

"No! ...Maybe."

**The unsub pointed to Hatch wit his gun. "I want you to drop ur gun now!"**

**"You don't come here and tell us what to do! Let JJ go!"**

**"If u listen to me then I will, u don't and she's dead."**

"Hey Garcia, is JJ gagged in the story or does she have tape around her mouth?"

"I don't think so, why do you ask?"

"Well because I haven't heard one line from her."

"Huh, now that you mention it neither have I." Garcia said. She placed her hand to her chin in a pensive manner. "I think this kid was bored one day and wrote this half-baked story to kill said boredom."

"It could be, I'll extrapolate theories as we go on."

"Don't bother handsome, nothing about this makes sense. Let's not hurt ourselves by treading into dangerous waters."

**Hatch was mad but placed his gun on da ground. He did not wanna get any1 hurt. **

**"Good boy. This BAU building is now mine!"**

**"This is a takeover." Morgan sed angrily. **

"Okay this is totally dumb, what are the odds that some random guy could just buzz inside our building and declare himself as king?" Garcia said as she shot her arms up dramatically.

"Statistically speaking it's about—"

"It was a rhetorical question Reid!"

**The unsub had no idea dat Hatch had a secret plan under his sleeve. So wen the unsub turned around he had not seen it coming. He was so sure dat everyone had dropped der guns dat he didn't know about Hatch's second gun so he released JJ.**

**Hatch pulled the gun out from under his leg and shot da unsub right in his head.**

"Since the unsub no longer had JJ captive and had his back to Hotch then Hotch wouldn't go for the kill shot just like that." Reid stated with a slightly annoyed tone. "He'd subdue him with a flesh wound and the other numerous agents in the building would rush forward."

"Maybe Hotch wouldn't, but 'Hatch' would," Garcia joked. She sighed at his blank look." It was a joke."

"Oh! Good joke."

**"Good job!" Emily sed.**

**"Yeah." Morgan sed.**

**JJ gave Hatch a hug. "Thanks I thought I was a goner.**

"Finally she speaks." Garcia exclaimed.

**"I'm just glad we're all okay." Hatch sed.**

**"Let's all get a drink." Reid sed.**

"Aaa—" Garcia covered his mouth with her hands and successfully silenced Reid.

**And so dey went off 4 a drink and everything was all good.**

**The end.**

"Well that was lame." Garcia complained as she regarded the story with a glare. "I wasn't even in the story."

"Neither was Rossi or Blake." Reid soothed.

"It still sucks." She whined.

Reid on the other hand was relieved. "You got your fill now, so let's forget this day and get our heads examined."

She wheeled around to him. "What, are you kidding me? I am far from done."

Reid narrowed his eyes when he saw her dialing someone. "Garcia who are you calling?"

"Who do you think?"

Reid paled. "Please tell me it's not—"

_"Hey babygirl," Morgan answered from the other line._

"I need you to come over to Reid's house. I gotta show you something that'll blow your mind."

_"I like where this is going, but why Reid's house?"_

"Long story, I'll explain it when you're here." Garcia assured him. "Oh and it is also of vital importance that you buy popcorn on your way here, lots of popcorn."

_"Alright I'm on my way."_

With a 'click' the call came to an end.

Reid sighed. "But you said we'd only read one story, no fair."

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**Author's Notes**

**On a side note, ****I absolutely have no problems with any of the pairings placed in this fandom, nor do I dislike any of the characters. This isn't directed at anyone at all I guarantee you that. It's just a parody meant to show the troll stories on this site.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the support on my story guys it's kindly appreciated. We're going to be covering all the stuff that Fanfiction dot net has to offer.**

**Fanfiction Trauma**

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Chapter 3: Project Mary Sue

Reid and Garcia tore their gaze from the screen when the doorbell rang.

"That must be Morgan!" Garcia cheered. "I'll let him in."

"Wait Garcia!" Reid halted her by grabbing her wrist. "Are you just going to leave me here with this evil laptop?"

"Reid it's _just_ a laptop it isn't possessed or anything like that, relax." Garcia assured him.

He eyed her with an unconvinced look.

She sighed and took his hand. "Fine." The two headed to the door and opened it to reveal Derek Morgan with a bag in his hand.

"Yo," he greeted. "I came as fast as I could." He stared at Reid's unnerved posture. "Jesus, pretty boy you look like you've seen a ghost."

"Don't mind him, he's just a bit shaken up by what's been going on." Garcia said.

Morgan raised a curious brow as he was let inside. "And what is going on? You promised me a show babygirl, I'm waiting."

"Did you buy the popcorn?" She asked and he confirmed it by holding the bag up. "Okay, Reid make it while I get Derek up to speed."

But Reid showed no signs of releasing his hold; he held a firm grip even as she tried wiggling her hand out.

Garcia sighed. "For goodness sake. Alright we'll make the popcorn first then get my prince charming up to speed. Does that sound better?"

Reid nodded.

**... ... …. …. ... ... ... …. …. ... ... ... ….**

Now back in the room with popcorn in her hand Garcia began to speak. "Okay this may be tough to ingest but bear with me. Question one, are you familiar with Fanfiction dot net?

Morgan frowned. "Okay please tell me I did not cut my Saturday off to come here just so we can talk about some nerd site."

Garcia crossed her arms in a huff. "Hey don't insult the wonders of cyberspace. Anyway, I'll take your snippy answer as a 'no'. This site is a place for anyone to post up fanmade stories on several fandoms, or to your ignorant mind, categories."

"Hey," Morgan interjected. "I know what fandom means. Now what I don't know is this Fanfiction. I've never heard of it."

"Well like I said it's about posting stories. This is where it gets interesting, there's a section that has all our names on it."

"Come again?" Was all Morgan could say. He was beginning to understand Reid's discomfort.

"Creepy huh?" Reid said.

"Very." Morgan replied. "So how exactly does it work?"

"I think a demonstration is in order." Garcia exclaimed ecstatically. She beckoned the computer chair. "Have a seat my love."

Morgan sat down warily as she motioned the screen. His eyes scanned it for a moment before he jolted from the chair. "Holy shit what is that?"

"That, my fine sculpture of manliness, would be our section. Cool huh?"

Morgan shot her an incredulous look. "Cool? That's what you're thinking? Babygirl I am completely freaked out here." Then out of nowhere his interest piqued.

"That makes two of us." Reid added.

"I wanna read one." Morgan suddenly said.

"You do?" Reid replied in disbelief. "You just told us approximately eleven seconds ago that it freaked you out."

"It did, initially, but now I'm a bit curious to see what people have written about us."

"Yes!" Garcia cheered. "I knew you wouldn't disappointment me."

"Oh brother..." Reid murmured as Morgan scanned the stories. "You'll regret this; don't say I didn't warn you."

Morgan was too absorbed in his newfound discovery that he barely registered the kid's words. "How bout' this one?"

"What's it say?" The tech asked.

**A New Member**

**By AgentPrettylicious**

"Look at the bright side Reid, this title isn't as bad as the one I read." Garcia soothed the still unnerved profiler.

"Yeah I suppose, maybe this time it won't be so bad either."

Morgan paused to face them. "You guys read one already?"

"Yeah," Garcia nodded. "And let me tell you, for lack of a better word, it sucked."

"Ouch." Morgan replied before continuing.

**Summary: Reid****—**

"Aaahh!"

"The hell Reid?" Morgan winced as he rubbed his ear.

"Oh crap I forgot to mention Reid's yelling reflex at the mention of his name." Garcia said.

"Yeah you definitely should've warned me." Morgan replied. He of all people knew just how irritating his yelling could be. After all he had his experience with a hacked phone and MP3 player to prove it.

**is about to meet his match when a new agent joins the FBI.**

"This sounds interesting." Morgan said.

"I beg to differ." Reid mumbled.

**Join our new agent as she faces obstacles in her new life. **

"No, now it's getting interesting." Garcia said.

**The team was in the bullpen. It had been a week since JJ was gone and they really needed a new team member to fill her spot.**

Morgan frowned. "How do these people know that JJ left the team before?"

"I warned you." Reid repeated.

**Rossi had told them that Hotch****—**

"Oh look Reid, at least this author spelled Hotch's name right."

"That's good." He chuckled lightly.

Morgan was clueless to their joke.

**had went to take care of it. They were expecting his return any moment now. Hotch had told Rossi that he knew who to give the open position to.**

"Wait up," Morgan interrupted. "I'm a bit confused here. It's obvious that the girl they're referring to is Seaver, right?"

"It has to be, we all know she was the one who filled in for JJ when she left for the Pentagon." Reid added.

"Then why does it say that Hotch went to get her? First of all it was Rossi who went to get her and second of all she didn't get the job right off the bat, yet here it says that she did."

"You're right I do find that odd."

Garcia sighed. What part of fanmade fictional stories did they not understand?

**Finally Hotch arrived with the new agent by his side. "Team, I would like you to meet our new member, Emeraldina Beautyla." He said with a big smile.**

"Whoa that ain't Seaver." Morgan said.

"What the hell is up with that name?" Garcia exclaimed with a raised brow.

"Wow, Hotch smiled," Reid pointed out getting a blank look from his friends.

"Really kid, that's what got your attention?" Morgan replied.

"Who in the world calls their kid Emeraldina Beautyla?" Garcia said actually hoping someone could answer her, because she really wanted to know.

**Instantly Morgan, Rossi, and Reid's****—**

"Aaahh!"

"Damn it Reid," Morgan groaned. "Do we have to tape your mouth shut?"

"Sorry, sorry, I can't help it." He apologized.

**jaws dropped to the floor at the sight. There in front of them was the prettiest girl they'd laid their eyes on.**

"Whoa, I don't do the whole 'jaw drop' thing." Morgan stated. "That's Reid's department."

"Oh ahaha very funny." Reid sarcastically said.

**She had a perfect hourglass body with perfect curves. ****Her hair was a nice gold color that shined with the rays of the sunlight. Her legs were smooth and toned and went on for miles.**

"What's up with this exaggeration?" Morgan exclaimed with disgust.

"This is so ridiculous." Garcia added. "Did this author even see what she wrote?"

"Hmm..." Reid murmured. "Judging from the username, the character's name, our reactions in the story, and the extreme exaggeration on her description, I'd say the author is a young teenager with some confidence problems."

"Reid I know you did not just profile the kid who wrote this," Morgan said dryly. "I think you need a day off."

"Correction Morgan, I _did_ get a day off. Look where that got me."

"Touché"

**She wore a hawt tight purple shirt that showed off her stunning chest and tight blue jeans that showed off her legs.**

Garcia rolled her eyes at the stupidity. "So is she entering the BAU or competing to win the Miss America contest?" Her comment earned some laughs.

**"Hi." Emeraldina said, winking at Reid.**

"Aaahh!"

"Seriously Reid, all of our names are there." Morgan said. "Quit spazzing out when your name gets mentioned."

"I didn't yell because of that I yelled because she's winking at me. Why is she winking at me?"

**The men were still speechless.**

Garcia gagged. "You guys act as if you've never seen a hot girl before."

**"This is the part where you introduce yourselves." Hotch said.**

**"Oh sorry, I'm David Rossi." Rossi said and he placed a kiss on her hand. **

**"Derek Morgan." Morgan said trying to control his butterflies. **

Morgan frowned at his portrayal. "What am I an eight year old?"

**Reid****—**

Garcia already had a hand clamped to Reid's mouth to prevent the shouting.

**nervously raised his hand. "H-Hi I'm Spencer, I mean I'm d-d-d-doctor S-S-Spencer****—**

"Man you sound like you're getting a seizure." Morgan joked.

"Shut up." Reid replied.

**I mean I'm Reid."**

**"He's Doctor Spencer Reid." Hotch finished for him. "He'll be assigned with showing you around and your desk will be next to his."**

**"I look forward to that." Emeraldina said as she fluttered her eyes hawtly.**

"There's a reason why this type of thing is frowned upon." Reid said not liking where this story was going.

**Over the next few days the two had gotten very close. Everyone in the building loved her but the other girl agents were super jealous of her beauty. It made her feel terrible since she didn't ask to be so perfect. **

"Must be such a tragedy." Garcia spat, irritated by the story.

"So she writes that everyone loved her but then says that the girls didn't, don't girls fall under the 'everyone' category?" Morgan said.

"Yeah it's a contradiction." Reid replied

**Emeraldina went to get a coffee where she found her friend and partner. "Hi Reid****—**

Again Reid's yell was muffled by Garcia.

**can we talk?"**

**"S-S-Sure."**

**"Do you think I fit here in the BHU?"**

Garcia raised a brow. "BHU?"

**"Of course!"**

**"The people here mess a lot with me. Maybe I should quit."**

Morgan rubbed his aching temples. "This is exactly why I only read Vonnegut books. For God's sake she makes the BAU sound like a damn high school."

**"Why would they mess with you, you're perfect!"**

"Impossible," Reid stated. "No one is perfect."

**"You're so sweet."**

**"Emeraldina I have to tell you something."**

**She blushed. "What is it?"**

"Please no..." Reid muttered as he attempted to stop the inevitable.

Morgan and Garcia were snickering at the events that were about to take place.

**"I love you!"**

"I've known her for a few days and I'm in love with her, that makes no sense." Reid said slightly annoyed.

**"I love you too!" Emeraldina said and she pulled him into a kiss. They began making out right there.**

"Well someone sure moves quickly." Garcia joked.

"This makes no sense at all; I wouldn't ignore the strict policies like that." Reid stated getting even more irritated. "And since when do I make out with people right inside the building while on duty?"

"Relax kid, clearly this was written by someone who doesn't know anything about protocols." Morgan said as he nudged him.

**Afterwards the days began getting more better. People still were jealous but she just flipped them off with the finger.**

"What is this girl five?" Garcia said exasperatedly.

**With the love of her life she didn't need anyone else. They could get shot for all she cared.**

"Wow I would love to be her partner." Morgan muttered sarcastically.

**So long as she had him she knew she would be able to make it.**

**The End**

"Man that was... they need a bit more practice." Morgan said trying to phrase it delicately.

"It sucked Derek, plain and simple." Garcia replied. "The sad thing is that as bad as it was it was still a lot better than the one we read."

"So are we done?" Reid asked.

"Like hell, I wanna hear what Rossi has to say about this." Morgan replied already dialing the older profiler.

_"Yeah, what is it Morgan?" Rossi said at the other end._

"Hey, you think you can come over to Reid's house?"

_"What for?"_

"I— or better yet, we have to show you something important."

_"Now Derek you know I love you and Reid but it's kind of my bedtime now. Can it wait?"_

"C'mon man it's like past one already, get your butt over here."

_"Fine," he grumbled. "It better be worthwhile."_

Morgan chuckled. "Trust me Rossi, it will."

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**Poor Reid is having a home invasion. What mayhem will Rossi encounter?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Haha I'm really glad I could get a laugh out of you guys as that was the sole reason for making this. Just to clear up any confusion this story takes place during season 8**

**Fanfiction Trauma**

* * *

Chapter 4: Slash, Slash, Slash, and more Slash

The doorbell rang again and Morgan stood upwards with a grin. "Alright, that must be Rossi!"

"Are we really doing this now?" Reid groaned.

"Yes my baby boy we are." Garcia replied as she headed for the door with Morgan. She paused momentarily to turn to Reid. "Are you still a bit freaked out; you want me to hold your hand?"

He smiled. "No I think I'm good; I can handle it."

The trio then walked over to open the door where David Rossi stood.

"Hi Rossi." Reid greeted with a wave.

"Yo," Morgan saluted with two fingers.

He raised a brow. "You didn't tell me Garcia was here. What are you planning children?"

"Oh nothing." Garcia answered with a smile.

"Enough of this talking," Morgan ordered as he led Rossi inside with a hand on his shoulder. "I got something to show you."

"Yeah I got that part already Derek." Rossi replied. "Now what exactly are you going to show me?"

The three led him back to Reid's room where they beckoned the laptop.

"This." Morgan finally answered.

"That's nice... it's a laptop." Rossi said wondering why his trusted colleagues would bring him over just to see a laptop.

"Aah yes, to the untrained eye that is what it would look like but look closer." Garcia replied.

"Hang on now I'm not doing anything until you three start talking." Rossi declared. "What's going on?"

"Alright look," Garcia began. "Reid found this site called Fanfiction, have you heard of it?"

Rossi gave her a blank stare. "No."

"Oh yeah, I forgot you're a bit of an alien when it comes to electronic devices."

"Oh actually Garcia aliens aren't so ignorant to technology," Reid corrected. "In fact there's several theories that states they're even more advanced in technological equipment than us."

Rossi sighed. "Get to the point Penelope before he goes on."

She chuckled. "My bad. Well Fanfiction is a site for people to post stories up; now here's where the plot thickens. There's this one particular section that... has all our names on it."

"I'm sorry?" He uttered in pure disbelief.

"I can't explain it either; you have to see for yourself." Reid said as he beckoned the chair.

Morgan grinned mischievously. "Yeah Rossi, have a seat."

Rossi sat down warily onto the chair and eyed the screen. His eyes widened as he received his confirmation. "This is... strange."

"But, it's worthwhile." Morgan added. "Go on, check one out." He was instantly relieved to be spared from reading these horrible stories and was glad to pass the burden onto someone else.

"Don't mind if I do," he murmured as he began his search. When one caught his attention he clicked on it. "How about this one?"

**Scandal in the BAU**

"Oooh good choice Rossi." Garcia squealed happily.

"Don't celebrate yet." Reid warned

"Kid's right," Morgan agreed. "What's the summary and all say?"

**By SpreadtheRainbow**

**Summary: There's a dirty little secret that a certain profiler is hiding. It's gotten to a certain boiling point and it can't be kept secret anymore. **

Rossi eyed the others with a smirk. "You guys wouldn't be hiding something now would you?"

"No way!" Garcia said. "You know how bad I am with secrets."

"You do realize it said a 'certain profiler' right?" Morgan added. "That doesn't exclude you from the party."

"Just please don't let it be me again." Reid stressed out.

**This will feature !M/R ! SLASH!**

"What's 'M/R slash'?" Morgan asked.

"What I want to know is what's the point of the capitalization and numerous exclamation points?" Rossi said.

"It's for emphasis." Garcia replied.

Rossi gave her a confused look. "I'll never understand your lingo."

"I asked my question first," Morgan complained with crossed arms. "So I should've received an answer first. Reid what do you think it means?"

"I'm not so sure, from what I've gathered it appears this site has its own vocabulary; one that its fanbase understands."

**The profilers in the BAU building were bored doing nothing but paperwork. They had returned just yesterday from a tough case and were now left to do all the paperwork that had stacked up.**

**"Hey who's up for some beers when we're done?" JJ suggested. **

**"I'm in." Morgan said.**

Morgan groaned. "Just my luck, I was hoping I wasn't going to be included."

"Judging from your reaction I take it you have yet to read a pleasing story." Rossi deduced.

"No, but let's not jump to any conclusions crime fighters." Garcia added.

**"So am I." Reid****—**

"Aaahh!"

"You mind telling me what your problem is?" Rossi groaned as he rubbed his ear.

Morgan slapped a hand to his forehead. "Damn we forgot to tell you about Reid's uncontrollable yells at the mention of his name."

"Yeah I think a warning may have been nice."

**quickly joined in.**

**And so afterwards the crew headed towards one of their favorite bars with the exception of Hotch who stayed with his son.**

**"I definitely needed this break." Rossi****—**

"Aaah!"

Reid smirked smugly. "And you judge me."

Morgan frowned. "C'mon Rossi, don't tell me you're a screamer too?"

"It just caught me off guard, that's all." He assured him.

**said.**

**It was already late at night when they had arrived. The streets were pretty empty but the bar had its fill of customers. **

"Aha! I got it!" Garcia suddenly said. "What if this 'M/R Slash' thing is a code for an unsub with a knife."

"You know what babygirl, I think you might be onto something." Morgan replied.

Rossi shrugged. "It's the best we've got so far."

**Reid****—**

"Aaa—" his yell was successfully muffled when Morgan elbowed him.

**was really glad he'd decided to come along. He turned to eye his team and his stare lingered, as it usually did, on one particular agent.**

"Huh?" Reid said.

"No way!" Garcia gasped. "Reid is the one hiding a secret! And he has a crush on someone in the team!"

Morgan's grin only grew and he swung his arm over Reid. "Who is it kid? Is it JJ, or Blake, or is it Emily?"

"It's no one." Reid growled as he removed the man's arm.

Rossi chuckled. "Apparently the story thinks otherwise. Perhaps it's Ashley?"

"Why am I always in all of them?" The genius groaned.

**"Do you want to dance Spence?"**

"Oh my God it's JJ!" Garcia cried.

"She's with Will." Reid simply pointed out.

**He barely heard her as he was too distracted staring at his shooting star.**

"My what?"

"No wait... it's Emily!" Garcia said.

"You do realize there's a chance it could be you too, right?" Rossi stated.

"What? That's totally impossible."

"And that would be because?"

"Because me and Reid are completely incompatible and not even Fanfiction could make us work."

"Fair enough."

**Emily turned to whisper to Rossi and Garcia who were seated next to her. "You noticed Reid's been staring again?"**

"I knew it, it's Blake!"

"Alright enough with the guessing Penelope." Morgan grumbled.

"Wait... but Alex wasn't with us when Emily was." Rossi said. "And if you're positive that it isn't you Penelope, then..."

Morgan went pale. "I think I know who it is."

The three all turned to him; each had no idea who it was and was hoping Morgan would enlighten them.

"It's Strauss!" Morgan gagged as he held his stomach. "I think I'm gonna be sick."

"You! I'm the one who's being humiliated here!" Reid said.

"Reid and Strauss... I would've never seen that coming." Garcia murmured. "And when I say 'never' I mean I'd of _never_ seen it coming."

The profilers and tech had no idea how far off from the truth they were.

**"Yeah I noticed." Rossi said. "It's too bad his target is as blind as a bat."**

**"I'm getting sick of this, it's time we do something about it." Garcia added.**

"Oooh look it's me!"

None of the males were surprised by her sounding joyous.

**"But what?" Emily asked. **

**At that moment Derek showed up and sat down next to the genius. "Man I'm beat."**

**"Well of course you are, you've been dancing around with every woman out here." Emily said.**

**"Yup, it's all in a day's work."**

Rossi chuckled. "I see the author managed to get your ego down right."

"Bite me."

**And suddenly Reid began growing nervous and quickly excused himself to the bathroom.**

"Reid you didn't yell." Garcia said, her shocked look mirroring Rossi and Morgan.

"Yeah, I'm starting to control it now."

The tech smiled as if he'd just won a spelling bee and gave him a hug. "I'm so proud of you."

"I still haven't seen Strauss." Rossi exclaimed.

"And still no unsub with a knife." Morgan added.

**A lightbulb appeared on Garcia and she nudged Derek. "Hey go check on him."**

**"What for is he alright?"**

**Emily smirked and played along. "No, he seems to have a lot on his mind, go and see."**

**"Sure why not."**

"Why would you suggest for Morgan to check on me?" Reid asked.

"Beats me, I didn't write this." Garcia answered.

"They probably want me to school you on how to confess to the love of your life, AKA Strauss." Morgan taunted.

Reid sighed. "Why couldn't it be Rossi who goes?"

Rossi contemplated that very thought himself. The story had yet to show Strauss so a wave of suspicions began creeping onto his head. There was something else they weren't seeing. He shook his head and shrugged it off. It was his day off; he wasn't about to profile a story.

**Morgan headed to the bathroom where he found his friend. "Hey there kid, what's wrong?"**

**"N-Nothing I'm j-just fine."**

Reid frowned. "Why am I always stuttering in these stories?"

**"The girls told me something was up, and now that I think about it you've been acting different lately."**

**"I just have a lot on my mind." He blushed. **

**Morgan smirked. "Who?"**

**"W-What? No one!"**

**"You can't hide anything from a profiler." He leaned closer and enjoyed how Reid would shift under his close proximity. **

Morgan twitched. That sounded so wrong.

"Do you always get in everyone's space?" Reid muttered uncomfortably.

By now they were each having their suspicions about where this was headed but none would voice it out.

**Reid gulped nervously and swallowed the lump starting to form. Could he tell him about his feelings? Should he tell him? And. suddenly he snapped. He couldn't hide this anymore, especially from him.**

**"You gonna tell me who now?"**

It then dawned on Morgan that he truly didn't want to know. This wasn't fun anymore.

**Reid nodded slowly. "It's you."**

"Aaahh!" Reid shouted.

"Well this is interesting." Rossi murmured with a teasing smirk.

"What the hell is this?!" Morgan snapped glaring daggers at the screen.

Garcia wore the biggest cheshire smile one had ever seen. "My chocolate thunder and my boy genius together, I'll pay to see that."

"Never!" Reid retorted. "It'll never happened!"

"God, okay now I feel sick." Morgan groaned as the popcorn he'd been eating earlier threatened to fall out.

**Morgan stood—**

"Whoa Rossi, you can stop reading now!" Morgan quickly cut in.

"Thank goodness." Rossi replied. "I don't feel comfortable reading stuff like that."

"Like hell!" Garcia interjected. "If you won't read it then I will."

"No don't!" Reid pleaded but it was too late as the tech had already begun.

**speechless as he heard the confession. All this time he thought it had all been wishful thinking.**

**He pulled him towards the wall. "You don't know how long I've wanted to hear that."**

"No! I never want to hear that! You hear me, I _never_ want to hear that!" Morgan snapped angrily and completely freaked out.

"And I never want to say it!" Reid added with the same disgust.

"I think you can stop now Penelope," RossI suggested. "For all of our sakes."

Garcia smiled deviously. "Oh I am far from done."

**"What?" Reid—**

"Aaahh!"

"Guess your back to yelling again." Garcia said.

"The poor boy's control has been broken." Rossi replied. "Can you really blame him?"

**said. He never imagined for a second that Morgan would return his feelings. **

**Before anymore could be said he was shoved onto the wall by Morgan who was now kiss—**

"Hey what are you doing?!" Garcia said as Morgan snatched the mouse.

"No we are not reading that, unless you want me to puke all over you."

"Fine." She finally conceded.

"I feel so violated right now." Reid muttered.

Rossi placed a supportive hand onto his shoulder. "Easy there Reid, it's all over now."

"I'm looking for one now!" Morgan said as he slammed the poor mouse down and dragged it around as he searched for a story.

"You guys are such party poopers." Garcia complained.

"It's safe to say that I should've never come here." Rossi stated before sighing. "But I'm here now, so I have to see it through with you."

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**Poor Rossi knew he should've left. Heh I'm not a slash fan at all but like I said we're touching all the aspects that comes with Fanfiction dot net, and sadly slash is a part of it. This was dedicated to all the slash lovers.**


	5. Chapter 5

**As always I appreciate the feedback, it's kindly welcomed. **

**Fanfiction Trauma**

* * *

**To clear any confusion that I unintentionally created with my previous attempt to stop confusion, I wanna point out that Emily will most definitely be appearing. She's like my favorite character. **

* * *

Chapter 5: Badly Written Case Fic

Garcia stood with her arms crossed as Morgan was fishing for a story. "Okay since you guys wanna be such joy killers I propose we make some rules here. And it just so happens that I got the perfect batch."

"Rules? But we're in my house why are you making the rules?" Reid asked.

"I think we should listen to what Penelope has to say." Rossi suggested.

"Thank you Rossi." She replied before nudging Morgan. "Derek stop for a second and pay attention."

"Oh my bad," he wheeled the chair to face the group. "What's this about rules now?"

"I have devised a set of rules for you to follow my minions. Rule number one: once you've picked a story there's no going back and trying to switch it."

"What?!" Morgan was quick to protest.

"No exceptions, not even you my sweet. Now, moving on. Rule number two: there will be no skipping once a story is chosen; you must read it to the end."

"Objection!" Morgan protested again.

"Overruled." Garcia countered. "I'm judge and jury here so sit your butt down and find a story."

"Fine." He sighed in defeat and resumed his search.

"I implore you to find a decent story Derek." Rossi pleaded.

"Somehow I doubt that." Reid murmured.

"How about this one?" Morgan said.

**Dangerous Ordeal**

"Well I like the mystery vibe." Garcia said before turning to the group. "What about you guys what do you think?"

"I'll give it a chance." Rossi answered.

"Let's see where it goes." Reid added. "We're stuck with it anyways according to your rules."

**By 33MysterysRocKmySocKs33**

**Summary: The team is called out to investigate a case in Wyoming.**

"Well now what do we have here," Morgan grinned. "A story about us solving a case huh, sounds interesting."

"I must say I'm a bit curious as to how it'll play out," Rossi agreed.

"I don't know," Reid murmured as he recalled his earlier encounter with a horror movie. "But I'll give it a chance."

**The team was all seated in the conference room while JJ explained the case.**

"Isn't that Garcia's job now?" Reid said.

"I guess it takes place during the time JJ was our media liaison." Rossi replied.

Morgan sighed contentedly. "Man that takes me back. Now those were the good ol' days."

"Yeah," Garcia agreed. "Super nostalgic."

**"So he's a white male who targets and stabs women." Morgan said indifferently as he scanned his phone's text messages.**

"Well aren't you a sweetheart." Rossi said dryly.

Morgan frowned. "Since when have I ever shown any indifference towards a case?"

**"Yeah his victims have so far been a big tall woman and a small girl." JJ replied. **

"What kind of information is that?" Garcia said with a raised brow. "That sounds like the description a four year old would give you."

"Not very informative." Reid stated. "I so far have no clues as to who the victims were or what is it in his victims that he wants."

**"So we'll be boarding the jet with this useful information, keep it in mind while we search for more." Hotch said.**

**"Yeah let's get it over with." Rossi grumbled lazily. **

Morgan smirked at Rossi's expression. "Well aren't you a sweetheart."

"That's absurd, I'm not some lazy teenager; I'm a dedicated profiler." Rossi snapped. "And this author dare portray me like this."

"That's what has you guys peeved?" Garcia asked with shock. "I'm more surprised at how Hotch just said that information was useful."

**"I agree." Hotch said. "Since the unsub lives in Wyoming I want Garcia with us."**

"How in the world does him living in Wyoming cause Hotch to think we need Penelope?" Morgan asked.

Rossi chuckled. "Let's hope this kid isn't aspiring to be a real author someday."

"Oh great," Garcia groaned. "I don't want to be in this story."

**They arrived at the station in Wyoming where the police had been waiting. **

**"Agent Hotchner," the man greeted. "I'm Officer Adams, glad you're here to help."**

**"It's nothing at all, let's get right to it."**

"Oh sure don't bother introducing us." Garcia muttered with a frown.

"Yeah what are we chopped liver?" Reid added.

**They quickly headed to the most recent crime scene. The victims had been two women this time. They had been stabbed 17 times.**

**"Do we have any witnesses?" Emily asked.**

**"No, victims were found late at night." The detective said.**

**Hotch stared at the bodies. "They were stabbed a lot of times that's why there's a lot of blood."**

Morgan scoffed. "No shit."

"I still don't know anything except that he stabs women." Rossi said.

"He clearly has a problem with females, I would say that this particular unsub has had a fallout with one." Reid deduced. "Although whether it was recent or he's been been bottling it up I can't say."

"Judging from the excessive stab wounds though I say he's got one hell of a stamina pool." Morgan added.

"So he must be fit." Rossi said.

Garcia gave the trio a blank look. "I know you guys aren't seriously trying to solve this case?"

"We aren't." They quickly denied in unison.

**"It's definitely our unsub." Reid—**

"Aaahh!"

Garcia frowned. "Okay rule number three: no yelling when your name appears Reid."

"I can't do anything about it. It's a reflex which I have no conscious control over." Reid replied.

"Believe it or not babygirl I'm getting use to it."

**said.**

**"Both bodies are seriously banged up, these poor unsuspecting people." JJ added.**

**Hotch nodded. "Okay let's go back. We're ready for our profile."**

"How?!" Morgan asked as he swung his arms up dramatically. "How do we have our profile already? All we know is he stabs... a lot."

"Yeah it makes no sense," Rossi agreed. "I mean we don't have his stressor, we don't have any substantial evidence, and we haven't found any signature."

"We have nothing to go by." Reid added.

**They quickly hurried back to the station and had Adams gather his officers.**

**"Agent Hotchner and his team have already prepared the profile so listen up." Adams said before turning to Hotch. "You're all set."**

**"Thanks." Hotch replied. "The man we're looking for is a white guy—**

Garcia chuckled. "I don't know why but hearing Hotch say 'white guy' instead of 'male' is pretty funny."

"Yeah it's so not him." Morgan added.

**who stabs his victims to death. He targets only woman."**

**"His preference is tall woman but he may also target the short ones." Morgan said.**

The real was Morgan shaking his head. "God, this profile is so stupid."

"And uninformative." Reid murmured.

**Rossi nodded. "He is also in good shape so be on the lookout for a man in between the ages of 20 and 50."**

"Holy crap!" Garcia exclaimed in disbelief. "Way to narrow the ages there guys."

"This is so ridiculous." Rossi muttered. He couldn't believe how stupidly he was being written out.

**"That would be all thank you." Hotch said as he dismissed them.**

"That's it?" Reid asked incredulously. "I didn't even hear Emily or I add to this, granted I'm glad my appearances have been minimal therefore I don't get butchered, but for the sake of catching this unsub we should've added more."

"If we actually tackled our cases with this half-baked approach this world would've long been taken over by weasels." Rossi added.

Morgan snickered. "Tell me about it."

**"Now we have to be on the lookout." JJ said.**

**"Yeah let's just wait and hope we get a break." Emily added. "I'm exhausted."**

**"Me too." Morgan said.**

Rossi raised a brow. "From what I've gathered we _just_ got there."

"There's a killer on the loose and this author writes us casually taking a break?" Reid asked.

"Yeah at least make it believable." Garcia added with a sigh. "I haven't even contributed to the case."

"Considering what we contributed in this case I don't think you'd add anything more relevant." Morgan said.

**"We got a breakthrough." Chief Adams said rushing to the profilers. "The killer left his wallet at the crime scene!"**

"Yeah right, I wish it were that easy." Rossi said.

Morgan rubbed his temples. "Shit, I feel a headache coming on just by reading this."

**"Let me see it." Reid—**

"Aaahh!"

Luckily the three had anticipated his yelling and had covered their ears in time to dodge it.

**said.**

**Adams handed him the ID that they had found at the scene. "Look!"**

**"His name is Jake Thomas." Morgan read it over the genius' shoulder.**

"How do we know that this guy was stupid enough to drop his wallet?" Garcia asked. "I mean that wallet could be anyone's, heck it could've been planted for all we know."

"Believe me Penelope, _we_ know it isn't that simple," Rossi said. "I just wish our fictional counterparts weren't as thick headed."

"You know this story is already so stupid that I bet the unsub actually did drop his wallet." Morgan exclaimed.

"I agree with Morgan on that one." Reid said.

**"Garcia, give me his address." Hotch said.**

**It was super easy for Penelope to find his address and in seconds she'd already given it to them.**

**"Let's go get this guy!" Emily cheered. **

Morgan frowned at his friend's portrayal. "So since when did Emily become some cheerleader when it came to catching unsubs?"

"I don't even know anything anymore Derek. This story is just one big train wreck." Rossi answered.

"That's putting it mildly." Garcia said.

**They rushed over to his house.**

**"Jake Thomas, FBI!" Hotch shouted. **

**When there was no response he gave the signal to bash the door in. They all bolted inside and searched for him.**

**"He's heading out the back!" Rossi yelled as he caught a glimpse of him.**

"I guess he was stupid enough to drop his wallet." Garcia stated. "Just like you said Derek."

"I told you."

**Outside JJ and several cops were already positioned with their guns.**

**"Freeze!" JJ shouted. **

**Jake knew he was cornered with no way out so he angrily dropped to the floor and raised his hands up.**

**And so the team took him in and was met with another day of success. **

**Fin.**

"Thank God!" Morgan cheered as it ended. He immediately jumped off away from the laptop as if it were poison. "I'm definitely not reading another one."

"Any takers?" Rossi asked. He was met with the silence his question deserved. "It seems we got a situation here."

"I know!" Morgan said as he pulled out his phone.

"Oh no... who are you calling?" Reid asked.

Right on cue the person on the other end picked up, causing Morgan to smile. "Hey JJ."

_"Do you need something Derek; I'm kinda out with Will and Henry."_

His smile grew even wider. That meant there would be less chance for him to read. "That's perfect, look JJ I need you to head over to Reid's house."

_"What's wrong? Is Spence okay?" The concern was hard to miss._

"No everything is okay, there's just something we have to show you."

_"Derek I just said I'm out, can it wait? You do know how rare these days are right?"_

"I promise you it won't be a waste of your time and if it is, then Reid will spend the rest of his life making it up to you."

"Hey!"

"Oh and JJ make sure you bring Will along." Morgan continued, ignoring Reid.

_"Fine, you seriously owe me Derek."_

When the call ended Morgan turned back to the team wearing a big smirk. "Well guys it looks like we have our next readers."

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**Case fics are hard, very hard. I should know I have one that hasn't finished. That's why it's a bit tough juggling the updates. **

**Poor JJ doesn't know what she's getting herself and Will into.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Since I'm almost done with **_A Lack of Color_** that means I can devote myself to this story entirely. Also I really appreciate some of your comments; it made me smile when I noticed I was actually able to cheer some of you up.**

**Fanfiction Trauma**

* * *

**Again I'd like to point out that these stories are all fake and therefore you won't find them. I just made them up myself. **

* * *

Chapter 6: Pairing Time

"I just can't believe you invited JJ and Will." Reid said.

"Well why shouldn't I?" Morgan asked with a shrug. "I think they got a right to know that someone's been writing stories about them behind their backs."

"Yeah right, you just didn't want to risk the possibility of reading again." Rossi said.

"Okay, okay, guilty as charged." Morgan confessed. "But trust me you'll thank me later."

"I'm already grateful to you hotness." Garcia said.

Morgan's smile only grew when he heard the doorbell. "I got it!" He headed to the door and greeted the guests with a smile. "Yo."

The first to greet him was an ecstatic Henry who ran straight into him. "Derek!"

Morgan grinned and picked the boy up. "Hey little buddy, good to see you."

"So what in the world was so important that you just had to interrupt us?" JJ asked cutting straight to the chase. "And believe me when I tell you that it'd better be good."

Will chuckled. "Don't mind her she's just cranky." He patted Morgan's arm. "It's good to see you again Derek."

"Same here." Morgan grinned. "Now let's get right to it." He led them towards the room where the other three were waiting.

"Aah Will, JJ, good to see you." Rossi greeted with a smile. "And you've even brought little Henry; this sure is a treat."

Garcia placed her arms around both in a greeting. "Hey guys!" She then went to cuddle Henry.

Reid waved at them. "Hi JJ, hey Will." He then embraced Henry who'd run towards him. "Hi there Henry."

Rossi walked over to ruffle his head. "Hey there Henry, nice to see you kiddo."

Henry nodded enthusiastically in agreement.

Will and JJ kept exchanging glances between themselves and the others. To say they were creeped out by the casual behavior was an understatement.

"So what's this all about now?" Will asked.

"I'll handle the explanations this time." Rossi said. "I'll make sure to be as delicate as possible." He turned to the new guests and took a deep breath before speaking. "There are stories posted on a site called Fanfiction that have our names on it."

"Come again? Will and JJ said in unison.

"Dude! You call that delicate?" Morgan asked with his arms crossed.

"David Rossi I am so wringing your neck for that." Garcia hissed. "You suck at being delicate."

"What are you talking about?" JJ asked. "Do you seriously expect us to believe that? Well unless you got proof I'm not buying it."

"Yeah," Will agreed.

Morgan's eyes glinted with mischief and he placed his arm around him. "Hey Willy, how about a demonstration for your lovely wife?" He motioned him to the chair. "Have a look."

He instantly jumped away from it as soon as he saw the screen. "Whoa! They were not kidding JJ."

"Huh? Really?" JJ said skeptically as she examined the screen. Her eyes narrowed at the confirmation. "Wow."

"Go on man," Morgan encouraged. "Read one."

"Yeah why not?" Will replied. "This sounds interesting."

Rossi smirked and turned to whisper to Morgan. "Hook line and sinker."

"He's so in for it."

"Oh hang on!" Reid cut in. He exited the room for a moment only to return with a box full of toys. He placed it down on his bed where Henry was already waiting.

"Yay! Can I play with all of them?" Henry asked happily.

"Of course you can pal." Reid replied as he ruffled his hair. He returned back to the group —that had been significantly growing— huddled by the laptop. "Never know when your loveable godson will drop by. Don't worry JJ those toys have absolutely no choking hazards and don't possess a hard interior or exterior so being hurt with them is impossible. Also they're manufactured in an extremely reliable..." he trailed off when he received stares. "Oh I'm rambling aren't I?"

JJ chuckled. "Thanks for the reassurance Spence but can we move on now?"

He blushed and scratched his head. "Yeah, sorry."

"Found one." Will said.

"Oooh just one more thing." Garcia cut in causing them to sigh. "I'd like to explain to our newcomers of my rules. They're simple; stick with what you land on and no skipping."

Will nodded. "Sure, fair enough."

**The Day Fate Brought Us Together**

Garcia chuckled. "I didn't know you were the romance kind of guy Will."

"I ain't, it's the summary that got my attention." Will quickly denied the accusation.

**By BigFanofLove**

**Summary: The team is on a night out together at Rossi's house—**

"I don't have a house I have a mansion."

**for a party and hidden secrets are revealed. But this discovery leads two of our agents to finally come to terms with their feelings. **

"God please don't let it be me again." Morgan prayed.

"Did I miss something?" Will asked.

"No." Reid quickly answered. "Just keep reading."

**Rossi opened the door as a knock had reached his ear. **

**"You made it!" He said as he embraced JJ. **

The real JJ took a step backwards in surprise at the mention of her name.

"Unbelievable isn't it?" Rossi said.

"More like creepy."

**"Yeah I just had to get out the house." JJ said with a weak smile. **

**Rossi being a profiler noticed the tired tone in her. "Everything okay?"**

**"Yeah, I just haven't gotten some sleep."**

Morgan smirked and nudged Will. "Hey Will you have any idea what's keeping JJ up at night?"

Will chuckled. "Sorry, I don't kiss and tell."

"My man." He praised not knowing that the two were clearly misinterpreting what the true reason was.

JJ glared at Morgan. "Shut up Derek."

**"Well then come along now and join the others."**

**"JJ I'm glad you're here!" Garcia said once she saw her fellow blond. **

**"Hey Pen, where are the others?"**

**"Dancing like we should be doing as well."**

**JJ chuckled. "I'd love too but first I want to get a quick drink."**

"Alright hang on," Morgan cut in. "My profiler senses are tingling."

"And?" Rossi asked.

"It's clear that JJ is the main character here, right?"

"What are you thinking?" Garcia questioned.

"Well if I remember correctly the summary stated that secrets would come out and two agents will be brought together; if JJ is one of the agents then who's the second?"

Will frowned. "Obviously me, who else?"

JJ paled slightly. "But... you aren't an agent."

"Well the author doesn't know that." Will protested and further backed his theory.

"Actually kid, you'd be surprised." Rossi said.

**JJ reached the counter and served herself a drink.**

**"Hey I've been looking for you!" **

**She smiled. "Hey Derek."**

All eyes fell on Morgan.

"What?"

"Oh my God it's you!" Garcia exclaimed.

Will shot an accusing glance at him. "You got some explaining to do."

"Hey kill the motor man!" Morgan said as he held his hands up in defense. "Don't jump to conclusions. It ain't me."

**Derek approached her and pulled her in for a hug. "I didn't think I'd see you at the party but I'm glad you're here."**

**"Thanks Derek."**

Will twitched and gripped the mouse tightly.

**"So how's Will?" He asked and immediately noticed her flinch.**

**"Oh he's... uh fine."**

JJ frowned. "Why am I being so secretive about Will?"

"Wouldn't be the first time." Will muttered beneath his breath.

**Derek left it at that before patting her shoulder and heading back out.**

"Hah!" Morgan said triumphantly. "Told ya so."

Will faced the other two males. "So it has to be one of you two."

"Or it could be Hotch." Reid added nervously.

**Once he was gone JJ placed her head in her arms and a small sobbed escaped her.**

That line caused something to pull at Will's heartstrings.

**"JJ? What's wrong?" Reid—**

"Aaaahh!"

"Jesus man what the heck?" Will said.

"Spence are you trying to break my ears?"

"Why do we keep forgetting about that?" Morgan cried exasperatedly.

"Good question," Rossi agreed before beginning the explanation. "Reid here suffers from a bad case of Fanfiction-itis which causes a reaction whenever his name is mentioned."

"Sorry to hear that Spence," JJ soothed as she rubbed his arm.

Reid laughed nervously as he earned a death glare from Will. "It's really nothing."

**asked as he approached her. "Are you okay?"**

**She instantly felt at ease once she heard his voice. "Yeah, I'm fine Spence."**

Reid gulped. "So far I've been in all of these, why? Why me?"

**"How come you... came alone?"**

"Yeah I'd like to know that too." Will growled.

**JJ averted her gaze. "No reason, I just did. Will was tired."**

**"You're lying to me JJ." He said. "Lately I've noticed that you haven't been yourself. Is it about Will?"**

**"Yes."**

"Excuse me?" JJ seethed with anger. The nerve of these authors invading her personal life and making idiotic accusations.

"I don't think this is looking too good for you Will." Rossi exclaimed.

"So I guess we found our two agents." Garcia joked.

"Me and JJ?!" Reid gasped. "That makes no sense."

"To this author it makes perfect sense." Morgan added with a smirk.

"I think I need a drink." Will groaned before remembering his son was present. "A drink of Hawaiian Punch of course."

**"Care to talk about it?"**

**"He's cheating on me."**

"I'm what?!"

"He's what?!" JJ snapped.

"Now we're going somewhere." Morgan said with a chuckle.

"No we aren't." Will replied. "I'd never do that; this story is just so stupid."

**He released a gasp before pulling her into a hug. "I'm so sorry JJ."**

**"I didn't love him anyway."**

**"Then... why?"**

**"I guess the person I really had my eyes on didn't have theirs on me."**

This sent a shiver down Will's spine. He knew it wasn't true but it still sounded so wrong.

"This is so stupid I love Will." JJ exclaimed with no hesitation.

That caused him to smile sheepishly in response.

**"Who?"**

**She blushed. "Well he's smart, kind, brave, and he's cute."**

"Wow JJ you're too kind." Morgan joked.

This time she elbowed him. "Shut up Derek."

**He scratched his head to think. "Uh...?"**

**She laughed and kissed—**

Will jumped off the chair. "No way I ain't reading that."

"You don't have to." JJ said.

"I agree." Reid added.

"Sorry Will, but the rules state no stopping a story until finished." Morgan exclaimed with a smirk.

"Man I am so getting you back for this." He grumbled before sitting back down.

**him right on his mouth before pulling back and smiling. "It's you."**

**Reid—**

"Aaaahh!"

Luckily they had anticipated the yell.

**blushed. "Wow... I've been crazy about you since I saw you."**

"Huh?" Reid murmured.

"Awww!" Morgan taunted earning another elbow to his sides.

Rossi shock his head. "You never learn."

**"This is our chance to finally be together. I'm going to break up with Will."**

"Wait you mean I didn't dump him on the spot?" JJ asked incredulously.

Will winced.

"Oh I didn't mean it like that Will." She apologized. "I just wanted to point out my character's stupidity."

**"Then I guess now the real party starts." He joked.**

"Whoa did you just make a joke boy wonder?" Garcia asked.

**"Yes it does Spence." JJ said as she kissed him again.**

**There ya have it guys! Did you love my story? JJ and Reid belong together. It's too bad she's with that cheating bastard Will.**

"When have I ever cheated on her?!" Will snapped as he lost his patience. "I'm crazy about JJ and yet this moron dare think otherwise." He slid of the chair. "Well I'm done reading."

Garcia placed a hand on his shoulder in a comforting gesture. "That'll do Will, that'll do."

"How do these people even know about me and JJ anyway?" Will said, still visibly displeased with the story.

"Relax Will, I'm reading now." JJ declared.

"Be my guest." Rossi replied beckoning the chair.

"You mean be 'my guest'. Get it? You know since we're in my house... " Reid tried to joke but was met with blank stares from each. He sighed. "This is exactly why I don't make jokes."

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**Don't worry Will I like you, and I know JJ loves ya. The thing is about 85 percent of this fandom thinks otherwise XD!**


	7. Chapter 7

**I hope these little stories are able to make you laugh my friends. Let us move on with the next chapter. **

**Fanfiction Trauma**

* * *

**Special thanks to **_KASEY64_** for being my 100th reviewer. This is the first time I've reached that!**

* * *

Chapter 7: Will the Unsub/Horrible Dad

"C'mon JJ, we should just leave already." Will suggested. "This was clearly a bad idea."

"What?!" Garcia exclaimed. "You can't just leave already. You've only just gotten here."

"Yeah, and already I want to leave."

"Oh no you don't," Rossi said. "You don't get to leave that easily. If I'm staying then so are you."

"Actually I think we should all just stop while we're ahead." Reid added.

Will nodded. "You heard the man JJ, he wants us outta his house and out now. So let's finish that date of ours that was tragically interrupted, what do you say? Hey? Hey you listenin' to me?"

It's hard to say whether or not JJ even heard him. If she did, she didn't respond, as she was too busy browsing through the various fanfictions.

"Don't tell me you're really doing this?" Will groaned.

Morgan grinned. "Alright JJ, that's my girl!"

Rossi shook his head. "You're not fooling anyone Derek. We all know you don't want to read. And honestly I can't blame you."

"Hey I say the more the merrier."Morgan replied.

"I totally agree," Garcia chimed in. "C'mon Will this like a family get together. You can't leave."

He gave her a weak smile. "I suppose you're right Penelope."

Right at that moment JJ found a story that piqued her interest. "Hey guys I got one."

"And let the torture commence," Rossi joked.

**Kidnapped**

**By AGirlWhoLovesSlash**

"Awww!" Rossi, Morgan, and Reid groaned.

"Yes!" Garcia cheered.

"What's wrong?" JJ asked.

"You two were late to the party so you didn't suffer being a witness to a 'slash' story." Rossi answered with a grimace. "It's basically means... a pairing featuring Morgan and Reid."

"Whoa what?!" Will gasped before breaking into a laugh. "And I thought I had it bad."

"Shut up just shut up," Morgan repeated with a groan.

"Are you saying that an author paired up Derek and Spence together?" JJ said.

"You sound skeptical peaches." Garcia replied.

"I believe it, I mean we just saw you and him paired up." Will added. "Anything's possible."

"So slash means a Derek and Spence pairing?"

"Actually JJ I don't think that's what it means," Reid answered. "I had theorized before that this site had its own specific vocabulary."

"Of course, one that the fanbase understands." Rossi added as he recalled the hypothesis. "So 'slash' is part of that vocabulary."

"Yeah and I think it means," he paused briefly to take a deep breath. "I think it means a pairing of two males."

"Alright JJ we're leaving!" Will quickly said as he dashed for the exit.

Garcia grabbed his arm to stop him. "Oh no you don't William LaMontagne Jr. There's a new rule I have just instated. Rule number three: once here you cannot leave under any circumstances."

"Objection!" He said.

"Overruled." She countered. "Now sit down and enjoy the slashy goodness."

Will cringed as he sat down. "We should've never come here."

**Summary: The team rushes to stop a criminal kidnapper they've been after but things get personal when he kidnaps Henry. **

JJ frowned at that. How dare they use her precious son as a form of amusement.

"Yay! I heard my name!" Henry cheered from the bed. The young boy jumped off the bed and climbed on his mom's lap. "Can I read?"

"No!" They all said in unison.

Will ruffled his hair and placed him back on the bed. "You wouldn't wanna hear this story buddy. It's grown-up stories."

"That's booooring!" Henry sang as he played with the airplane and car plushys."

"Yep that's one word for it." He replied before reluctantly returning to his spot.

**"What happened JJ?" Hotch asked.**

**They were already at JJ's house that had become a crime scene after her son had been kidnapped. **

**"I don't know I was sleeping."**

JJ twitched. "I was sleeping? Really? God this is infuriating me already."

"What about me? Where am I?"

Reid stared at Will as if he'd just grown two heads. "You're at my house."

"No not 'me'," he grumbled. "I meant me in the story."

"Oh... oh!" He nodded as it finally sunk in.

**"Don't you worry JJ we'll get him back." Rossi said. **

**"Yeah." Emily added.**

"Okay I have to say it," Rossi cut in. "I've noticed all the stories I've seen since my arrival all take place while Emily was with us."

"Oh I see what you're saying." Garcia said. "I haven't seen Alex in any of them."

A huge grin was plastered on Morgan. "Hmm, maybe we should call her once we're done here. You know, to see what she has to say about it."

"Way to encourage him Rossi," Reid grumbled as he shot the older profiler an accusing look. The last thing he needed was more visitors.

**"Damn it!" Morgan shouted angrily. "The one time we need Will and that loser vanishes!"**

Will scowled. "Some profiler you are. Did it not occur to you that I was probably kidnapped as well?"

"And what's up with the 'loser' comment?" Garcia added.

"Chill guys," Morgan defended. "I wouldn't call him a loser or anything else like that."

**"Forget it Derek, we won't get any help from him." Rossi said.**

**"Yeah he's useless to the case." Emily added.**

"He's my son!" Will snapped as he swung his arms up in the air. "Why am I not involved?"

"Easy sweetie," JJ soothed as she placed a hand on his wrist.

"Right, my bad."

**"Is it him Hotch?" JJ asked.**

**He nodded. "Yes, this is the unsub we've been chasing. Morgan and Prentiss go and check the house. See if there's anything useful."**

**The two quickly hurried inside to investigate.**

**"We know this area is his comfort zone so he couldn't have gotten far." Reid—**

"Aaa—" Reid was cut off when Morgan elbowed him.

"My poor baby is still sick with Fanfiction-itis." Garcia said. "You think it's curable?"

"I think the better question would be is it contagious?" Rossi replied.

"Yeah cause I think Will's showing some bad symptoms." Morgan added.

"What? I'm fine don't be ridiculous." He assured him.

**"Hey Hotch we got something!" Emily said as she rushed back over to them. "An officer told me that a witness spotted a strange van parked out here. It must've been our unsub."**

**"Not much else in the house either." Morgan said. "The guy did a clean snatch and grab."**

**"But why Henry?" Rossi asked. **

**"Let's split up and search the area. It's blocked so he couldn't have gotten far."**

Will narrowed his eyes. "Why haven't I been informed yet?! This is my boy after all."

"Don't worry Willy," Garcia said. "I bet you'll save the day in the end."

His eyes lit up with hope and he turned to her with a smile. "Hey you think?"

She gave him a thumbs up. "I'm sure."

**JJ felt sick to her stomach as she drove around with Rossi. All she wanted was her son back. The two came upon a car broken down by the road. It was a van like the witness had said.**

**"What's that?" He asked with confusion.**

"Oh gee I don't know Rossi could it be a car?" Morgan said sarcastically.

"Keep laughing, but at least I haven't been in a slash story."

He winced. "Touché."

**They exited the SUV and approached the van with caution. Rossi opened the door while JJ stood by his side. Unfortunately they didn't notice the unsub creeping behind them.**

"It's a trap!" Reid attempted another joke but the only one who laughed was Garcia.

"Did I miss something?" Rossi questioned as Garcia was having a laughing fit.

The tech crossed her arms and frowned. "What? None of you guys know Star Wars Episode VI Return of the Jedi?"

At their blank stares Reid added: "Admiral Ackbar would be ashamed."

**He slammed his weapon down on Rossi and successfully knocked him unconscious. **

Morgan chuckled. "Dude you suck."

"Slash." Was all he said.

"Okay man, you win." He conceded.

"I thought so."

**He then quickly aimed his gun at JJ. "Toss your gun and get in the car now!"**

**JJ couldn't see his face due to the ski mask he wore but his voice sounded eerily familiar. Slowly she complied with his demand and boarded the van. He had made sure to tie her up.**

**"Who are you?"**

**"Come on baby you know who I am?"**

"So the unsub is someone JJ knows," Reid stated as he pieced the information together. "That means this was personal."

"That explains why he took Henry." Rossi added.

"So he must have Will too." Morgan said. "Hey JJ you got any idea who'd want to hurt you guys?"

She paused to think. "No one comes to mind. It could be that—" she stopped when she realized what she was doing and glared at her fellow profilers. "Guys, seriously, we're on our day off. Can we not profile this?"

"Damn it there we go again." Morgan complained as he slapped a hand to his forehead.

Garcia shook her head and nudged Will. "I'm glad you're not going all detective on the story Willy."

He chuckled. "Don't get me started now."

**And there it was again; the familiar voice from before. He drove them towards a cabin near the woods and roughly shoved her inside. **

"What kind of animal shoves a lady like that?" Will growled. If anyone ever did that to JJ he'd tear them apart.

**"Where's Henry?!" She shouted.**

**"He's upstairs sleeping."**

**"What do you want?!"**

**"Can't you see what's going on here baby?" He said. "We can finally be a family again."**

"Again?" They all said in unison.

**"What are you talking about?"**

**He removed his mask and her eyes widened in shock. Standing in front of her was none other than Will LaMontagne.**

A silenced ensued as the adults stood shell shocked; the only noise that could be heard was Henry imitating a car engine.

After another moment Will snapped and charged at the laptop with kill intent. "That's it! I'm ripping that thing to bits!"

Morgan did all he could to hold him in place. "I don't think breaking the laptop is gonna help!" He honestly didn't blame him for losing it.

"Okay this story has officially gone down the stupid path." Garcia said.

JJ pinched the bridge of her nose. "Of all the— God, I can't even begin to express how stupid this is."

"Will as an unsub is just plain impossible." Reid added. "But at least it isn't slash."

Garcia sighed. "I guess that throws my hero theory out the window."

"Just get it over with JJ," Rossi practically begged.

**"Will?!" She gasped. "Why? How could you do this?"**

**"Because I love you!—**

Rossi raised a brow. "I guess kidnapping is the new way of showing affection for you kids nowadays."

"Let me at it!" Will continued to try and murder the laptop but was luckily still under Morgan's grip.

**It was suppose to be us three forever! But then you just had to leave me and ruin everything!"**

**"Are you still on that? Get over it! I told you I already had my fill of you! It ran its course Will!"**

"Had my Fill? Ran its course?" JJ repeated and shook her head in disgust. "Jesus, I sound like some woman in a corner."

**"No I won't believe that. Now that I've got both of you back I won't let anyone get in between us."**

**"You can't just hold us here forever!"**

**"If I can't have you JJ then no one can have you."**

**At that moment the door burst open and in came the team with their guns out.**

"Thank God, that means it's over." Rossi said.

**They were surprised to see it was Will.**

**"Freeze!" Hotch yelled. "It's over LaMontagne you're under arrest."**

**The cops slammed the cuffs on him and dragged him away from JJ. Another officer came out with Henry and handed him to his mother. **

**She embraced him. "It's over. That monster can't hurt you anymore."**

"He's not a monster!" This time JJ snapped.

**"To think he'd stoop this low." Emily said.**

**"Well he won't be doing anything anymore." Morgan replied. "Now he can rot in prison like the rat he is."**

"What is it with all this hate on Will?" Garcia asked with crossed arms.

"Baby girl they're stupid stories." Morgan answered through gritted teeth. He'd been holding Will in place this entire time.

**"Bastard caught me good." Rossi said. "I'm glad Penelope was able to trace JJ's phone."**

**"Thank you guys; for saving me." JJ said. **

**They were glad the two were found safe and sound. The experience must've been scary but together they'd help her get through it.**

**And that's all folks! Hope you loved it actually I bet you did!**

"Actually we didn't." Rossi stated dryly.

Will stopped his murder attempt and slowly calmed down once it had finished. "Okay, okay. I think I'm good."

"Easy buddy, why don't you take a seat and breathe." Morgan suggested as he sat him down by his previous spot. "There you go."

JJ slid off the chair with relief. "I'm done reading these crappy stories."

"Any takers?" Reid asked.

"Reid you should know by now that this is the part where Derek calls some poor soul to come and read for him." Rossi scolded.

And right at that moment Morgan had gotten a response from the other line.

_"Hey Morgan, you need something?" Came Blake's response. _

An evil smile played on his lips. "As a matter of fact Blake yes, yes I do need something."

Reid buried his face in his head. "Oh when will this end?"

Suddenly Will began laughing.

"You okay honey?" JJ asked with concern.

"I'm good. It's just that I finally got that Star Wars reference."

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**Sorry Reid but it's far from done and neither is poor Will's onslaught. Just be content with knowing that I love ya both.**


	8. Chapter 8

**I thought it'd only be fair to add Blake in since she's a part of the BAU squad. And honestly she's grown on me; before I was neutral to her but now I realized she's cool in her own way. The topic I'll be touching on this chapter is one I've seen on more than one occasion in this fandom.**

**Fanfiction Trauma**

* * *

Chapter 8: Spencer Needs a Spanking

"Hey Morgan you can't just keep inviting people over." Reid complained.

Morgan placed his arm around him. "Oh relax pretty boy. It's like Penelope said, this is like a family get together."

"More like a death wish," Rossi corrected.

"Who knows guys, the next one might just be a good one." Garcia said and mentally prayed that someone would agree, because she had some serious doubt on her own words.

Will shrugged. "I'm fine so long as I'm not involved in any of them."

The doorbell ringing caused them to pause. Morgan eagerly headed out to answer it. "I got it!" He opened the door to find Alex Blake.

"Hey Morgan." She greeted.

"Yo!" He replied happily before pulling her in for a friendly embrace. "Glad you could make it."

She shrugged. "Anything for a friend I guess."

Morgan led her towards Reid's room and motioned the 'guests'. "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you it wasn't just me and Reid here."

Blake stared at the crowded mess. "Huh,"

Garcia was the first to greet her and soon Blake was under a big hug. "Hi there sunshine! Welcome to our little party."

"It isn't a party Blake," Reid warned. "Run while you can."

"Okay what's going on?"

"Hi Alex!" Henry greeted from the bed. "I'm a dinosaur!" He waved the toy in the air.

Blake smiled. "Hey there little guy."

"Where are our manners?" Rossi asked as he went to give her a quick hug. "Good to see you."

JJ followed in suit. "I guess we're just fated to be inseparable even outside of work."

She chuckled. "Tell me about it."

Will extended his hand for a handshake. "It's nice to see ya."

"So what's the special occasion?"

At this Morgan smirked; placing his hand on her shoulder he guided her to the laptop. "I want you to have a look at what we found."

She turned to him and shot him an unamused look. "So let me get this straight; you interrupted my one free day to show me an internet site?"

"He interrupted all of us." Rossi added with a frown.

"Actually Penelope interrupted me." Morgan countered.

"Actually Reid interrupted me." Garcia corrected.

"I wanted you to check my laptop for a virus I didn't say open Pandora's box." He replied.

"We can all point fingers later guys," Blake chimed in. "But first I'd like for Morgan to tell me what the reason he called me here was."

"Well," he began with a smile that resembled an unsub with something to hide. "You ever heard of Fanfiction dot net?"

"Can't say that I have."

"It's this site where people can post up stories that range from several different fandoms." Morgan explained. "Now here's the kicker, we found a section filled with our names."

Blake gasped. "What? You mean us as in 'us'?"

"That's right," Reid added. He then began to explain all the stories they'd encountered from the horrible grammar one all the way to the one with Will as an unsub.

It took a moment for Blake to digest the information. "Wow, that's um... interesting."

"See for yourself," Will suggested. "Go ahead and pick one out."

"Uh sure." She responded reluctantly while the others took their seats.

"Oooh not so fast there," Garcia cut in. "There's two— I mean three simple rules. And that is no skipping a story, no changing stories, and under no circumstance are you allowed to leave."

Blake cringed slightly. "Got it."

JJ knelt down by Morgan. "Hey Derek you do realize she's going to regret this, right?"

"Would you have rather read instead?"

"Point taken." She shook her head in shame. "I can't believe I'm stooping to your level."

"Found one." Blake called out.

"Oh just before we get into any reading," Garcia cut in and placed a hand on Reid. "Our little genius here has contracted what Rossi has cleverly diagnosed as Fanfiction-itis."

"I think I should be the one called doctor from now on," Rossi joked. "Just picture it, Dr. David Rossi. It has a nice ring to it."

"Get your own title." Reid complained. That was a special memento left by his mentor Gideon and he was definitely not sharing it.

"What exactly is that anyway?" Blake asked.

"Well, when Reid's name is mentioned he has an immediate yelling reflex to it." Garcia answered. "Just cover your ears."

"Appreciate the warning Garcia." She replied before getting back to business.

**Disciplinary Actions**

**By 88Anti-Will88**

"What?!" Will snapped. "Have we not torn me apart enough already?"

"Hey maybe it isn't so bad." Garcia tried to reassure him.

**Summary: First of I wanna say that I don't own Criminal Minds****—**

"Wait, what?" JJ cut in. "What's Criminal Minds?"

Rossi shrugged. "I have no idea."

"Uh that's the section we're under." Reid answered.

"It sounds legit if you ask me." Garcia said. "I mean really, think about it. We're all crime fighters protecting the world from the sinister evil."

"Well that's a creative way of putting it." Blake replied.

"Why are we even under a section anyway?" Morgan added.

"Don't break a brain cell trying to figure it out." Rossi replied.

**but I wish I did. During a case in Detroit Reid—**

"Aaahh!"

Luckily the warning had been heeded and Blake didn't suffer any hearing damage.

**had disobeyed a command in order to save a child from a burning building. The actions although still cause Hotch to give him a spanking.**

Blake paused at that. "A what?"

Morgan laughed. "C'mon girl you don't really expect the meaning to be literal; it's a joke."

"We all get the Hotch talk eventually." JJ added.

"Yeah can you imagine if it were," Will joked.

She laughed. "Yeah you're right."

Poor law enforcers had no clue how wrong they were.

**The team had just arrived back to the BAU building and were all pretty sore from the long case. The ride had been pretty awkward as well. The team wasn't ignorant to the reason though. **

**They all knew it was due to what had happened during the case beforehand. During the case Reid—**

"Aaahh!"

**had been the only one near the victim. The unsub had planned one last fire in his own son's house. Hotch had ordered him to not do anything rash but he still disobeyed and rushed in to save him.**

"I hate sitting through those Hotch talks." Reid mumbled.

"If it's any consolation to you I'd of done the same." Blake said earning a small smile.

**When the team had finished their paperwork Hotch walked into the bullpen. **

**He gave a strict look at the genius. "My office now. The rest of you go home and get some rest."**

"It sounds like he's being called up to the principal's office." Will joked.

"You could call it that." Reid replied.

**The team gave him a pitied look before beginning to head out.**

**"I bet it won't even be that bad." Emily said before leaving.**

"And there it is again," Rossi pointed out. "I think this further proves my previous statement."

"That's not fair." Garcia said and placed a hand on Blake's shoulder. "Blake here is a part of our family and is irreplaceable in our band."

"Thanks Garcia," she said in flattery. "You have one big heart of gold."

"Of course she does," Morgan agreed as he placed his arm around her. "That's my baby girl for you."

**He nodded and reluctantly walked inside Hotch's office. "Yeah?"**

**"What you did was very reckless and dangerous." Hotch said.**

**"I know, but Tommy could have been killed if I had not done what I did."**

"Man, you would think Hotch could just cut him some slack and let him off with a warning." Morgan said.

"I wish it were that simple." JJ replied.

**"Irregardless you disobeyed an order, so I'm afraid I have to punish you."**

"Punish?" Rossi repeated. "Sounds a bit dramatic, even for Hotch."

"Someone's getting extra paperwork." Garcia joked.

"Like extra paperwork is even a problem for pretty boy here," Morgan said. "The guy has rockets for hands; when I finish one he's already done like five."

**"Fine."**

**Hotch stood off his chair and beckoned the desk. "Lean down on the desk."**

"Ooookay," Will awkwardly said. "Now you're boss has some seriously weird disciplinary methods."

"I'm confused now." Reid stated. "What's going on?"

"Are we sure this is still not literal?" Blake asked and the others were just plain too scared to answer. Each had their suspicions but none wanted to confirm it aloud.

**Reluctantly he did so and placed his body uncomfortably on the desk. Hotch began unstrapping his belt—**

"Okay time out!" Morgan cut in while making the hand gesture. "Is this serious? Are we really about to read a grown man spanking another grown man?"

"This is just so wrong." Reid muttered as he buried his face in embarrassment. "Why me?"

Will chuckled. "Thank goodness I'm under a different code of conduct where I work."

"Cut it out Will you aren't helping." JJ scolded.

"Dear Lord, I need a drink of scotch." Rossi groaned.

"So do I." Garcia agreed.

"Since when do you drink scotch?" JJ asked.

"Since Rossi taught me how medicating it could be." She answered while giving Rossi a grateful smile.

"I knew you'd learn kiddo." He said approvingly.

"Why would you need medicating anyway baby girl?" Morgan asked.

"Well... it's a long story. I mean I had bad timing with Kevin and_—_ you know what I don't even want to get into it; just know that Rossi is super awesome."

Morgan frowned but decided to let it slide. For now at least.

**and gave the genius' bottom contact with it.**

"Aaahh!" Reid shouted. "This is so wrong!"

"This is just torture to the ears." Will added as he shook his head. "I don't know whether to cover my ears or Spencer's."

"Good idea Willy!" Garcia said. "Hey Reid get over here I'll cover your ears."

Reid smiled in complete gratitude. "Garcia I'll never forget this act of generosity." He walked over to her and she placed her hands over his ear; he in return placed his over hers to further block out any noise.

Rossi, Will, and Morgan grinned before following in suit and covering their ears.

"I'm going to continue now." Blake said.

"What?!" Will shouted before turning to Morgan with a satisfied smile. "You owe me for this idea of mine Derek."

"What?!"

"Oh right, you can't hear me."

Blake and JJ released a sigh.

**Reid whimpered. "I'm sorry Hotch."**

**"You could have (thwack) gotten (thwack) hurt!"**

**"I know I'm sorry it won't happen again."**

"Is it done?" Rossi asked.

"No." JJ answered.

"What?!"

JJ almost facepalmed for forgetting but instead she shook her head for a gesture of 'no'.

"I have to say though, this story is just way off the top." Blake exclaimed.

**"It better (thwack) not happen again!" Hotch ceased his actions. "I hope you've learned your lesson."**

**Reid weakly got off the desk and sighed in relief. "I'm better now; thanks I needed that."**

"What?" Garcia exclaimed incredulously.

"Done yet?" This time Will asked.

JJ repeated her actions.

**"Good." Hotch said. "I don't like doing this but sometimes it's necessary. Don't feel ashamed Reid, I've done this to the others as well."**

"Oh God," JJ groaned. "Now THAT is just wrong."

Blake whistled in relief. "Makes me glad to know I wasn't included."

"Ladies I think we should just keep that one line to ourselves." Garcia suggested as she regarded the males desperately covering their ears. "I don't think they're strong enough."

The other two women nodded in agreement.

**"I had no idea." Reid replied. "Well it works."**

**"Yes it does. Go home and get some rest."**

**"Right, and thanks again."**

**A/N: Yeah that's the end thanks for reading. I can totally see this happening XD!**

"Did this author just say that?" Garcia exclaimed with a raised brow.

JJ walked over to Will and removed his hands from his ears. "It's over now."

"Thank God." He replied before signaling the other three with a thumbs up.

"Phew," Morgan breathed a sigh of relief. "I thought that crap was never gonna end."

"Is it really over?" Reid asked hesitantly.

"Yeah it's done." Blake answered. She stood from the chair gratefully. "And so am I."

"We really need to find a way to sort this part out." Rossi said.

Morgan smirked and turned to Garcia. "Hey sweetness, lend me your phone. Mines is kinda dying."

"Anything for you handsome." She replied as she handed him the phone.

Morgan turned his back to her and scanned the numbers for one in particular. When he found it he jotted the number down on his phone.

"What are you doing?" Reid asked.

"Nothing," he lied before handing the tech her phone back and putting his on his ear; waiting patiently for the answer.

"I thought yours died?" She said with a frown.

"Oh yeah I lied."

"Derek Morgan you better tell me who you called right now!" She demanded.

Right at that moment the mystery person finally picked up.

_"Hello?" His tone indicated he had no idea who the caller was._

"Hey Kevin, it's me Derek." Morgan said as he used one hand to hold Garcia in place. "I just thought it'd be cool for us to have a guy's day out, you in?"

_"You want to have a guy's day out with me?" Kevin asked skeptically._

"Of course buddy, meet me at Reid's place I got it all planned out." And before he could decline Morgan ended the call.

"Aww come on I said no more visitors!" Reid complained.

"Yeah what was that for Derek?" Garcia added as she shot daggers at him.

Morgan smirked, unfazed by their tone. "That was to dodge the reading bullet." Although the real reason was for revenge on him for making her day bad, but he couldn't tell her that.

"Why am I not surprised?" Rossi stated dryly.

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**Sneaky Derek is at it again; now he's gotten a poor unsuspecting Kevin into the mix.**


	9. Chapter 9

**What's up my fellow Fanfiction users and friends it's that time again. It has come to my attention that among our CM characters Kevin is like the second most butchered character. Me, personally, I like him.**

**Fanfiction Trauma**

* * *

Chapter 9: Derek/Penelope

"In case you haven't noticed Derek this place is starting to look like a rock concert." Rossi said as he eyed the crowded room.

"You mean a home invasion," Reid corrected.

"Maybe we should make exceptions to the rules Penelope and let some people leave," Will suggested. "And by people I mean me."

"Sorry guys but my rules are final." Garcia replied, although a part of her was starting to regret the rules. But then again how could she have known Morgan would've invited the entire world?

"Hopefully no one gets claustrophobic." Blake half joked, half said.

"Hey daddy what's kaustophobik?" Henry asked from the bed. "Does it have to do wif' Santa Clause?"

Will chuckled. "No buddy. It's a grown-up thing again."

"Okay." Henry said and resumed his playing.

When the doorbell rang Morgan took it as his cue and rushed to answer it. "I'll get it!"

"Hmm..." Rossi murmured. "Does anyone else get the impression that Derek is seriously beginning to think this is his house?"

They all nodded in response.

Morgan greeted the newcomer with a smile laced with unseen mischief. "Hey Kev, what's up?"

Kevin eyed him warily. "Uh... I was hoping you'd tell me."

"Come on in." Morgan said as he began walking back into the room.

Kevin stared at the crowded room with a raised brow. "I'm confused I thought this was going to be a guy's day out, as in just us men."

"Right, that's what I had initially planned for," he explained. "But word got out and before you know it everyone wanted in."

"I see..." he awkwardly said before giving a small wave. "Hey."

Rossi smiled. "Good to see you again Ke—"

"Yeah yeah we're all happy to see you," Morgan cut in not wanting to stall his payback any longer. He gestured Kevin towards the computer chair. "Check out what we fou—"

"Hey is that Fanfiction dot net?" Kevin asked eagerly.

The room was engulfed by silence and the only noise that could be heard this time was Henry imitating a dinosaur.

"Y-You know Fanfiction?" JJ finally asked.

He chuckled nervously. "Well yeah... I mean it's not like I'm on it every day but yeah I know it."

"So you know the lingo of it?" Will questioned curiously. "Cause' we definitely don't."

"Yeah more or less."

Morgan stomped over to him with a glare. "So you knew there was a section with our names on it?"

"Whoa what?" Kevin replied with confusion only for it to be replaced with excitement. "A section with our names on it? You have to be pulling my leg; that is awesome!"

Again the occupants gave him a strange look.

"Well that's a first," Blake commented. "But I guess there really is a first for everything."

Morgan frowned. His plan for revenge was starting to seriously backfire on him. He had most certainly not planned on this reaction.

"Hey Kevin, would you mind filling us in on how it works?" Reid asked.

"Sure why not? Tell me what you've read so far and I'll break it down."

Reid told him about his and Garcia's encounter with the horribly written one.

"Believe it or not sometimes authors purposely write those; they're usually called 'troll stories'."

Morgan then asked him about the exaggerated character he encountered.

"They're called OC's or original character; but when they're exaggerated like the one you encountered they're called a Mary-Sue."

"Mary-Sue?" Blake repeated.

"Yeah it's basically when a made up girl character is overly pretty and exaggerated in detail." He answered. "I honestly can't stand those."

Then Rossi told him about the pairing between Morgan and Reid.

Kevin chuckled awkwardly. "Oh yeah that's called 'slash'."

"I told you!" Reid said with a slight triumphant tone.

"Are you telling me people actually write those sorts of stories?" Will asked incredulously.

"Well if by people you mean fangirls, then yes," Kevin answered. "It's the girls who love that stuff."

"I guess that means you're a fangirl Penelope." Rossi said.

"Don't hate." Garcia countered.

Will then asked about the brutality he endured twice already.

"The butchering of a character in a story usually occurs when a character stands in the way of the author's fantasies, or version of what they believe is how things should be. This my friends is called 'character bashing."

"Wow Kevin it's definitely good to have you here." JJ said. "We'd be so lost without you."

"Yeah," Reid nodded. "You have a substantial amount of intellect on this topic."

Morgan narrowed his eyes; it was safe to say his plan had backfired. Kevin's time here wasn't meant to be nice. It was time to initiate Plan B.

"Mind if I read one?" Kevin asked eagerly.

Will smirked and led him to the chair. "Of course not buddy." Words couldn't express how happy he was to give up his possible chance of reading a story. "Heck feel free to keep on reading once you finish. My house is your house."

"It's my house!" Reid groaned only to be ignored.

Morgan, who shared the same ideas as Will, gave Kevin a pat on the back. "Knock yourself out."

Rossi a sighed as Kevin scanned the stories. "You know he's probably going to literally knock himself out."

Blake cringed slightly. "Hey Rossi you mind not mentioning the word 'literally' for a while; I think I've taken just about all the literal damage I could handle."

"Guys I don't think we should be doing this." Garcia murmured. "Kevin has no idea what he's about to see."

"Neither did we." Rossi replied. "And like you said Penelope, it might be a good one."

"I found one!" Kevin called out. The group returned to find a seat wherever they could.

**Special Moments**

**By XXCriminalMindsRocksXX**

Kevin raised a brow. "What's Criminal Minds?"

"Our section." Blake answered.

"Awesome!" He cheered surprising them again.

**Summary: Garcia is finally about to confess her hidden feelings to the love of her life****—**

"Is there something you ain't telling Penelope?" Morgan asked with crossed arms.

"Yeah," Kevin agreed. "You have some explaining to do."

"I'm interested too." Rossi added.

Garcia frowned. "What are you guys, cops?"

A moment of silence passed before they all broke out into laughs.

**but unfortunately there's a jealous gremlin in the BAU trying to sabotage the moment from happening. **

Will laughed. "A gremlin? That's harsh." He then paled. "Wait... this story isn't about me, right?" He'd learned already that not one ounce of good came to him when it came to fanfiction.

"No." JJ answered with annoyance. This site was having a bad effect on her husband. "It can't be you since you don't even work with us."

"She's right," Blake reassured him. "It has to be someone in the building."

"The question is 'who'?" Reid said.

**Today was the day she tells him. She couldn't hold her feelings back anymore. ****It was just about the end of the day so the team was about to head home. She prayed that one specific person from the team hadn't left.**

"He's from your team?" Kevin gasped in jealousy.

"It's Derek." Rossi simply stated.

Morgan frowned. "Oh really? And just what makes you say it's me?" At their blank stares he broke out laughing. "Damn I just couldn't keep a straight face at that."

"Did you two hook up or something?" Kevin questioned while trying to hide his displeasure.

This change in behavior didn't escape an excelled profiler like Morgan. He smirked to himself; perhaps his planned hadn't totally gone down the drain. "Why do you ask?"

This only ignited the types of reactions Morgan had intended to from the beginning; Kevin was antsy and on edge.

Garcia scowled at her Morgan's childish behavior. "Look Kevin—"

A nudge from Morgan cut her off. "Ssssh!"

**"Waiting for him?" Rossi asked and got his answer in a blush. He chuckled. "He's already by the elevator."**

**"Thanks Rossi." Garcia said before skipping to the elevator. She was excited and her heart was racing. **

Kevin sighed. "Penny... is this uh, true? Do you," he paused to cough awkwardly. "Erm... like Derek?"

"Of course I like him." She replied before taking note of his slumped shoulders. "But not like that or anything."

"Awww!" Morgan groaned. "Way to ruin the revenge— I mean... uh nevermind." And yet again his plan had backfired.

**In her excitement she didn't notice the gremlin sneaking behind her.**

"It's a trap!" Reid joked causing Garcia, Will, and Kevin to laugh. The others merely shook their heads and sighed.

**He slipped a drugged napkin over her nose and forced unconsciousness to consume her. He then carried her out and shoved her in his van.**

"Are we sure this isn't me?" Will asked again in an irritated tone. "This looks like the same exact way I kidnapped JJ."

"You kidnapped JJ?!" Blake gasped.

He groaned. "No not 'me' I meant me in the fanfiction stories. You should've seen the stupidity; I even kidnapped my own boy."

She raised a brow. "So a story actually had you kidnap your own son? That's as ridiculous as a man robbing from his own wallet."

The group laughed at that.

"Somehow I don't think it's you this time." Rossi exclaimed as he eyed Kevin suspiciously. "My guess is that someone else is the unsub."

**Garcia woke up to a dark room with a small ceiling lamp barely illuminating the room. She felt drowsy and couldn't remember much.**

"Wait," Blake cut in as the realization finally sunk in. "Did Garcia really just get kidnap inside the BAU without anyone noticing? And I thought Will's story was ridiculous."

"You should've been here for the one me and Garcia read." Reid replied.

The tech cringed. "Don't remind me."

**Her captive approached her and she could see an evil smirk underneath the ski mask. He was also holding a knife in his hand.**

**"Who are you?" She asked in fear. But something was telling her that she knew him.**

**"I'm the love of your life." He said as he took his mask off.**

**She froze. "Kevin?"**

"Kevin?!" Garcia repeated.

"Me?!" The real one said after he'd regained his bearings.

"Yes!" Will cheered. "It really wasn't me."

Morgan's smirk grew even more. The plan was still alive after all. "I bet it isn't too exciting now, huh Kev?"

"Of course not!" He retorted. "This sucks!"

**He chuckled evily. "Yes honey, it's me."**

**"What's going on? Why are you doing this?"**

**"Because I love you!"**

"Does kidnapping translate to affection nowadays because if it does I missed the memo." Rossi said. "This is the same half-baked speech that was said in the story with Will."

"Only it isn't me this time," the detective replied in relief. "I'm not an unsub here."

"How am I an unsub?" Kevin groaned. "For goodness sake I don't even own a ski mask."

"Well this author definitely thinks you're one." Morgan replied.

"Apparently he thinks you're a gremlin too." Reid stated causing a some laughs even though it wasn't his intention.

**"Kevin I'm sorry but I don't love you... I never did." Garcia said softly.**

**"Yes you do love me!" He said in obvious denial. It was clear he was an idiot with issues.**

"What? Why am I being character bashed?"

"Got an issue Kev, maybe Reid can get you a tissue?" Morgan joked.

Reid blinked. "I don't get it."

This caused him to facepalm. "Forget it kid."

Garcia elbowed Morgan. "Would you cut that out already?"

**Right then the door burst open and the squad had their guns out and aimed.**

**Rossi was the first to speak. "Drop the weapon fatso!"**

"Dang that's messed up." Will commented as he took in Kevin's horrified expression.

"Excuse me?" Rossi said. "I don't approach unsubs like that."

"I'm not an unsub and I'm not fat." Kevin growled angrily. "I'm pleasantly plump."

JJ patted his arm sympathetically. "We know you aren't any of those things mentioned in this poor attempt at a story."

**"Let Penelope go you deranged psycho!" Derek shouted. **

**"Yeah set her free you dirtbag!" Hotch added.**

**"Release her you freak!" JJ said.**

Will chuckled. "How many profilers does it take to tell a man to release a hostage?"

"I do notice the unnecessary repetition," Blake said. "But I think the author is looking for any excuse to demean Kevin with insults."

**"No get out of here! She belongs to me!" He cried like a wuss. He was such a loser and was so lame.**

Bear in mind that Kevin was reading the story through gritted teeth.

**"I won't ask you again bastard!" Derek shouted and positioned his gun to his fat head.**

**"He's a lunatic on a breaking point." Hotch whispered to them. "If you get the shot take it."**

**Those words were like music to their ears. All of them had always wanted the loser out of the picture. No one even knew how he got the job to work for the FBI.**

"This is even harsher then what I endured." Will said.

"No kidding," Morgan agreed. "It's not even funny anymore."

**Kevin grabbed the knife and charged at the team angrily and the team open fired on him. They all emptied their clips on him.**

"Dear Lord, he's a person not an animal." JJ said in disbelief. "I can't believe they wrote us just taking the kill shot like that."

"Yeah what's up with all the shots? I could've been caught in the crossfire." Garcia added.

**Derek ran over to Garcia and untied her. "You okay? Did he hurt you? I'll kill him!"**

"You _did_ kill me you jerk." Kevin muttered angrily.

"That line was redundant." Reid said.

**"Oh Derek I was so scared." She cried into his chest. "I thought I'd die without telling you that I love you."**

**He was surprised by the confession before smiling. "You love me? I love you too."**

"Oh gag me..." Kevin muttered beneath his breath.

**Garcia smiled and pulled him down for a kiss which he quickly responded to.**

**The others in the room watched with a relieved smile. Each thinking that it was about time they got together. **

**AN: Did you like it guys? What did you think? Derek and Penelope belong together!**

"Wow I can't believe they made a story pairing me and my sweet chocolate." Garcia said. "But then again I suppose with all our flirting it was bound to happen."

"You don't seem too offended by this." Reid stated.

"Why would I be? I mean they paired me with Derek that's much better than an alternative, although I could do without the Kevin bashing."

Kevin stood off the chair without a word and slumped down in the corner.

Will eyed him with sympathy; he knew what it felt to be bashed by authors. He shot a glare at Morgan. "Real smooth man."

"I didn't mean for it to be _this_ bad; I just wanted to joke around a bit."

"Well the joke wasn't funny at all." Rossi added. He too felt bad for the guy. "You went too far."

Morgan practically shrunk under their glares. He hung his head down like a seven year old who'd just gotten scolded by his teacher. "Okay I'll say sorry."

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**Say hello to the Criminal Minds fandom Kevin. It has plenty in store for you. Also I'm not really a Derek/Penelope fan but they're a key part of this fandom. On a side note I'd like to apologize for the tardiness. **

**And yes, Kevin knows fanfiction. **


	10. Chapter 10

**I'm back for another one! These are so entertaining to write heheh XD**

**Fanfiction Trauma**

* * *

**Oh and thanks **_Stefi_** for that compliment on how I'm writing Blake. I was so self-conscious on how I'd write her. That pep talk was all I needed! **

* * *

Chapter 10: Crack Pairing

Morgan made his way over to where Kevin was hunched over. "Hey buddy... you okay?"

Kevin glared at him before facing away.

"I'm sorry man, I honestly didn't mean for that to happen. I just wanted to joke around a bit. We need you on this." He extended his hand out. "So what do you say; will you help us understand fanfiction?"

Kevin stared at the hand briefly before accepting the help to stand. "Alright, I'll help."

"Way to go Kevin!" Garcia cheered.

Blake nodded approvingly. "That's the spirit."

He cracked his knuckles. "I'm a lot tougher than I look; it'll take a lot more than fanfiction to bring me down."

Will placed his arm around him. "We bashed people need to stick together."

He chuckled. "Yeah no kidding."

"Yeah, now go on and read another one." Morgan said.

"Nice try, don't press your luck. There's one thing you should learn about me and that is that I don't get fooled twice."

"So who hasn't read?" JJ asked. She didn't notice Reid sweating like a fountain.

"Who wants to read?" Blake said before sighing at the lack of volunteers. "Well don't everyone volunteer at once."

"Hey I've read twice already." Morgan replied before crossing his arms. "Count me out."

No one noticed Reid silently making a beeline for the exit to his room.

"I say you should read Derek." Will said. "If it weren't for you none of us would even be here."

"I told you it was Penelope who got me in here."

"Oh that's real mature Derek, just go and blame it on someone else." JJ added.

"Rossi you read." Morgan said.

"It can't be me." Rossi replied. "There's no way I'm risking going into cardiac arrest by reading."

"Surely there must be another way to settle this." Blake exclaimed.

"Wait a minute..." Morgan said as a dawning realization began sinking in. "Hey baby girl, has pretty boy read one yet?"

"Um... now that I think about it no, no he hasn't."

Reid had just made it to the exit when he felt several eyes burning a hole in his back. He risked a look behind his shoulders and his fear was confirmed; all eyes were trained on him.

"And just where do you think you're going?" Morgan asked.

"Oh uh... the bathroom." He lied.

"Nice try kid." Rossi said before pulling him over to the seat. "It's your turn now."

"Aww... do I have to?" Reid whined.

Blake patted his shoulder. "Don't worry Reid we'll right by your side the whole time."

Garcia went to his other side and nodded. "Yeah we won't let you go through it by yourself."

This served to reassure him and he began scanning the list of stories.

"Hey Derek," Will called. "I bet ya twenty that it'll suck."

"Man you're crazy if you think I'm taking you up on that. They _all_ suck."

"Alright I'll admit I was tryna sucker you," he confessed. "But how bout' this, I bet ya twenty that it won't be as bad as the one we just read."

Morgan smirked. "Alright I'm game." This was an easy twenty bucks for him. If Will had known better then he'd know that each story was worse than its previous one.

"Got one." Reid said.

They all huddled by the laptop and attempted to find a seat. Just as they did Reid spoke up.

"Done."

"Done?" Rossi repeated.

"Yeah I read it."

"Hey uh kid, you mind reading a bit slower for us average Joes here?" Morgan asked sarcastically.

"Yeah in case you've forgotten we don't have an advanced brain like you hotshot." Garcia added.

"Oh yeah! Sorry about that." He apologized. "I can read it more slowly for you guys."

"When you put it like that you make me feel like a kid wearing a dunce hat." Blake said earning some laughs.

"Maybe Spencer should pick another one out," Kevin suggested. "I know it's contradicting the rules but he already knows what's gonna happen; that kinda takes the element of surprise out."

"You know what you're right." Garcia agreed with a nod. "Reid, I order you to pick out another one."

"Aww!" Will groaned. "How come he's allowed to bypass the rules?"

"Don't pout Willy, Kevin has a valid point." Garcia said. "None of us are supposed to know the details of a story beforehand when selecting one."

"But that ain't a rule." He protested again.

"It is now Willy. It's rule number four."

"Got one." Reid called out.

**Midnight Discoveries**

"I hope this isn't another one of those 'suddenly a BAU member realizes their feelings' type of story, because they're getting so annoying." Morgan said.

"That's putting it mildly." JJ agreed.

**By xoCMGirlxo**

**Summary: Things with JJ and Will haven't been going so smoothly****—**

"Do all these stories have to insult me?!" Will snapped. "I can already tell I'm gonna be the target here."

"Don't worry my fellow bashed brother; I'll stand by you to the end." Kevin assured him with a fisted hand over his heart. "Because like you said, us character bashed guys need to stick together."

"Appreciate that. It feels good to know that I ain't the only bashed person here."

**and they're beginning to drift apart. But what happens when someone from the BAU is thrown into the mix. New feelings will be made but will the other be so accepting of this newfound love?**

"Hmm... sounds interesting." Morgan said. "And that's saying something considering what we've been reading."

"Yeah," Garcia nodded with a smirk. "It sounds like one of you has a dirty secret."

Will scoffed. "I can already see it; I've been cheating on JJ and she realizes she's never loved me and in reality is in love with one of you guys. I then realize she's gonna dump me, so I kidnap her because I love her and won't let anyone else have her. I then get shot and JJ and whoever it is from your team she likes live happily ever after."

Rossi laughed. "I wouldn't be surprised if you guessed it."

**JJ arrived to her house and—**

"Finds me with another woman," Will commented with a bored tone. "Or finds Henry has been kidnapped by me. It's one of those two."

"They've gotten so predictable." JJ added.

**noticed Will had been waiting for her.**

**"Hey you're late." He said and pulled her in for a hug.**

**"Yeah and I'm exhausted so can we not do this?" And she pulled away and headed to their room.**

"Well that was unexpected." Reid said. "I thought for sure Will would've thrown JJ over his shoulders and ride away on his scary, black van."

"Me too." Garcia added. "Especially since it's pretty clear this fandom hates Willy."

**He sighed. This had become a sad routine by now. He thought that it was just a phase they had to get through. But lately that gap between them had been growing and growing. And this time it had nothing to do with the distance. **

"What?" JJ growled not liking where this was headed.

"With the way this is starting it's making it look like Will is the victim." Rossi said.

"Don't count on it," Will chimed in. "None of them ever benefit me. I'm just waiting for my character to snap and kidnap one of them."

**The next morning, as he'd expected, JJ was gone and had already left to work. Unfortunately for him this was his day off so he was stuck with his thoughts for the rest of the day.**

**He killed time by cleaning the house and watching some football on TV. He looked up and noticed that it was late, very late. Knowing that it was useless to call her -as she'd never pick up- he walked out and headed to the bar.**

"I agree with Rossi, it doesn't look like you're about to be character bashed Will." Blake said using the new fanfiction vocabulary she'd just learned.

"You can tell from the tone of the story that it isn't trying to bash you, instead it seems to be giving the readers an insight into your struggles." Reid added.

"I don't know," Will said with skepticism. "I still think I'm about to kidnap her."

"Why am I being so stupid here?" JJ asked with a frown. "I wouldn't ignore Will like this."

**Will ordered his usual and leaned down on the counter. He was too engrossed in his thoughts that he didn't notice the person approaching him.**

"Here's the part where I kidnap JJ."

**"Hey fancy seeing you here."**

**The familiar voice made him shift his head. "Oh, didn't expect to see you here Emily."**

"Emily?" JJ barked incredulously.

"Emily?" Morgan repeated. "That's like the last person I had in mind."

Rossi shook his head. "And no surprise that it takes place before Blake joined us."

"Oh don't worry Rossi; it doesn't bother me at all that I'm hardly in any of these stories." Blake replied. "To be honest I'm grateful."

**"Mind if I sit?" She asked.**

**"Nah go ahead." **

**His faraway look didn't escape Emily. "So how have you been?"**

**"Fine." He answered with a shrug. **

"So I take it that the one being thrown into the mix is Emily." Rossi stated as he recalled the summary.

"Then that also means that the new feelings being created are between you two." Kevin added.

JJ twitched. "Excuse me?"

"Me and Emily?" Will said in disbelief. "We barely speak. I mean sure we're friends and all but I barely see her."

"I definitely did not see this coming." Garcia exclaimed.

"I think we've stumbled onto a story that has a 'crack pairing'." Kevin explained.

"The hell is crack pairing?" Morgan asked.

"It's basically when you pair up two people whom you'd never think would get together."

JJ frowned. "Who'd want to pair them two together?"

Morgan chuckled. "Someone who's addicted to crack."

"Haha, nice." Will said.

**She nodded and decided not to press the issue anymore. It hadn't escaped her, or anyone's mind that his relationship had been crumbling. **

**"I don't know why..." he started. "I don't know what I'm doing wrong."**

**Emily eyed him sympathetically. She couldn't even understand how JJ could be so stupid. **

"Wait... am I being character bashed?"

Rossi smirked. "I guess none of us are placed out of the bashing category."

Will had the biggest smile on his face. "I can't believe it... I'm not being bashed. This is a miracle!"

**"We're drifting apart Emily." He said softly. **

**Emily cringed at his pained voice. She then pulled him in for an embrace. **

JJ twitched. She was beginning to understand why Will would get so worked up over the stories that paired her up with someone but him.

The others in the room noticed the dangerous aura emitting from their media liaison turned profiler, and slowly crept back a few feet. Poor Reid was the only one who couldn't move to a safe distance since he was the reader.

**She knew from the very beginning that JJ wasn't committed to Will as he was to her. And she knew he deserved better than JJ; he deserved someone like herself who truly loved him.**

**He had embraced her back. Will couldn't explain it but he hadn't felt this kind of warmth in so long. It'd been so long since he'd felt comfort. **

JJ shot Will a look.

He chuckled nervously. "Heh, oh man JJ the stuff these guys write down... am I right? Huh am I right?"

**And that was when reality hit him across the face. Why should he continue pursuing JJ? She was nothing like he'd imagined. She was just someone who liked shoving her vile nature down your throat, and he was sick of that.**

Reid knew JJ was behind him ready to pounce and he wasn't sure he'd be able to safely get out of her way.

**So he decided to take a chance. Will broke the hug and placed a hand to Emily's cheek. He could see the acceptance in her eyes; without another thought he closed the gap and caught her lips with his.**

"How in the world could Emily have feelings for Will?!" JJ snapped. "It makes absolutely no sense at all to pair them together!"

"Don't worry hun I got no feelings for her," Will assured her as he cowered behind Garcia's shoulder. "Although I gotta say at least for once I'm not being character bashed. We can call that a win."

JJ sent him a death glare.

"Or not." He gulped.

**She returned it full force and slipped her arms around him. They had no cares for the repercussions this escapade would bring. All they knew was that it felt right.**

**AN - That's all for now guys. More will be explained when I update so stay tuned. Don't worry about JJ because she will be dumped eventually and Will can finally be with Emily. Because JJ sucks! Seaver should've stayed instead of her.**

Reid sighed in relief. "Thank goodness it's over."

"These people are harsh." Kevin said. "I bet they'd actually kill us if they saw us in person."

"Oh that reminds me," Will muttered before turning to Morgan. "Hey Derek I want my twenty."

"Are you kidding me this sucked even more than the last one." He protested.

"I disagree." Kevin said.

"And I agree with him," Rossi added. "The one before had more bashing than this one and at least JJ didn't get violently shot in this one."

"Plus she had minimal appearances." Reid exclaimed. "And thus wasn't bashed as much."

Will smirked. "The jury has spoken so pony up."

Morgan sighed and pulled out his wallet.

They then all stared at the empty spot on the chair. The occupants exchanged glances amongst each other and then back to the chair.

"So..." Blake murmured. "Here we are again."

Morgan pulled out his phone. "It's time for me to save the day."

"Who are you gonna call?" Reid grumbled as Morgan began dialing the number.

"Ghostsbusters!" Kevin joked only to receive blank stares. "Sorry, couldn't help it."

At that moment Morgan got his answer.

_"Hey Morgan, this is a surprise." Seaver said from the other line; she hadn't expected the call._

"I know since your transfer we haven't really gotten in touch, but I thought today we'd change that." Morgan said with a mischievous smile he knew she wouldn't see. "How about you head on over to my— I mean Reid's house?"

_"Okay sure, but uh why Reid's house?"_

"Let's just say he's been dying to see you."

"What? No I haven't!"

As usual Morgan ignored Reid. "So see you here girl." And with that he ended the call.

JJ sighed. "So does anyone else find it sad that we're being banded together by fanfiction instead of a nice alternative?" She received a nod from everyone in the room. "Good, thought it was just me."

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**This pairing is extremely rare in this fandom, hence why it's considered crack pairing. **

**And yet again Derek is inviting another unsuspecting soul to have to witness Fanfiction dot net. Seaver will definitely be regretting this. Also I am saving the best for last my friends.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Appreciate the feedback and complements. I still can't believe what a wonderful reception I've gotten from this story. I did not expect this many reviewers. Despite several others who'd disagree with me, I like Seaver.**

**Fanfiction Trauma**

* * *

**Omg omg I reached 200+ reviews! Thanks **_Titi25_** for being the 200th reviewer! **

* * *

Chapter 11: Not Another High School Story (Part One)

"I can't believe you're putting my protégé in potential danger." Rossi said.

"Hey she isn't a rookie anymore, remember?" Morgan replied. "She's a full fledged FBI agent now. This will just be another obstacle for her to overcome."

"Or another sucker to read instead of you." JJ stated dryly.

"I'm ashamed to admit I fell for Morgan's trick even though I'm a profiler." Blake sighed.

"He suckered all of us. I wonder what that says about us?" Rossi added actually contemplating the answer.

"All it says is that I'm more cunning then all of you since I suckered him here." Garcia chimed in.

"And I suckered you here." Reid said with a smirk.

"Actually you asked," she corrected. "There's a big difference boy genius."

"But you know," Morgan started. "I technically didn't lie to you guys. I told Rossi it'd be something out of the ordinary and it was; I told JJ I had to show her something and I did; I told Blake I needed a favor and I did; I told Kevin we'd have a guy's day out and we are; and now I've just told Seaver we're gonna be hanging out and we will."

"Hey you can dress it up however you want but it don't change the fact that we all wanna kill you." Will replied.

"Oh c'mon guys you don't mean that," he laughed before being met with several pointed looks. "Uh, okay maybe you do."

He was saved from the threats when the doorbell rang. "Saved by the bell. I got it." With that Morgan headed to open the door.

Seaver gave him a small smile. "Hey, been a while hasn't it?"

"Doesn't change the fact that we're friends." He answered with a smile. He then opened his arms up. "Don't be shy girl, give me some love."

She took his initiative and gave him a friendly embrace. "It's good to see you again Morgan."

"You too, now come inside." He said and guided her to Reid's room with a hand on her back.

She did a double take when she noticed the extremely crowded room. "Uh wow... I thought it was just you and Reid here."

"Oh yeah about that, you see word got out and before you knew it everyone wanted in."

"Liar." Kevin muttered beneath his breath. That was the exact same thing he'd told him.

"Well it's good to see everyone again." Seaver said once she'd digested the information.

Garcia gave her a big hug. "It's good to see my other crime fighting, butt-kicking, awesome superstar again!"

Reid waved with a happy smile. "Hi Ashley."

JJ approached and gave her a small hug. "Hey there, it's definitely good to see you again; albeit the occasion could've been better."

Will approached her next and gave her a friendly handshake. "Nice to see you again."

Seaver smiled. "Same here." She smiled at the now sleeping Henry. "He's gotten taller."

"Yeah, that's my growing boy." Will said with a hint of pride.

Seaver turned to Blake. "It's nice to see you again agent Blake, I've always been impressed with your work."

"I'm flattered, and don't worry with the formalities. Just call me Alex."

Kevin waved with a grin. "You already know my work too. I'm the best technical analyst and second only to the great Penelope."

She chuckled. "How can I forget you Kevin?"

Rossi walked to her and they shared a high five before he wrapped his arms around her. It was easy to see she was comfortable with him the most. "And how's my protégé doing?"

"Well when you've worked with the best you're guaranteed results." Seaver replied. She then eyed the guests. "A shame Emily isn't here though." She didn't notice JJ's slight twitch at the mention of Emily.

Garcia sighed sadly. "We all miss my angel but she's miles away."

"Don't worry, Derek will find away to get her here." Rossi replied sarcastically. "He pretty much got all of us here."

Morgan smirked. "I'll bring her here somehow."

"Not that I'm not happy to see everyone again but what's this all about anyway?" Seaver asked.

"Fanfiction." Morgan answered.

"I'm sorry?"

"It's a website that enables people to post up stories on just about anything." Kevin explained.

"So I was called here... to check a website out?"

"Not just any website," Morgan joined in. "It has a section called Criminal Minds that has all our names in it."

"What?" She asked in disbelief. "All our names?"

"We thought you should know about it." Morgan added and he beckoned the laptop. "See for yourself."

"Oh and if you have any questions feel free to ask me." Kevin said as she sat down.

"Oh there's four rules you should know before you read," Garcia added. "Stick with what you pick, no skipping through it, you aren't allowed to leave, and last but not least you aren't allowed to know the details of the story you pick out."

A chill ran down Seaver's spine. "Uh sure. You got it Garcia."

"I hope she's ready for this." JJ murmured.

"Of course she's ready," Morgan assured. "I got no doubt about it."

"Found one guys." Seaver called out.

**The Old School Days**

**By JollyMorganFangirl**

"You have fangirls?" JJ asked incredulously.

"Of course I do." He answered with a huge smirk on his face. "I'm irresistible."

**Summary: We've all seen the team in action but what was their school life like? Join the whole crew as they go to high school together! **

"High school?" Will repeated. "Man that takes me back."

Morgan grinned. "You bet it does. I had loads of fangirls back then."

"Mine was nothing special. It flew by me like a breeze." Blake added. "I barely remember it."

"Some of us really don't want to remember our high school experience." Reid groaned. His high school life was a mixture of wedgies, locker shoves, and all sorts of humiliation.

**Secrets will be revealed and new relationships will start. Watch as the profilers deal with love and romance.**

"I'm not really a fan of sappy stories like this." Will grumbled.

"C'mon, how bad can it be?" Seaver said.

"That reminds me," Rossi began as he scratched his head awkwardly. "We haven't exactly told you what we've read so far."

"Oh? And what have you read so far?"

"Well, so far we've—"

"Just been reading different sorts of stories." Morgan cut in. He glared at Rossi before getting close to whisper. "Hey if you spill the beans she ain't gonna wanna read. Get with the program."

**It was a beautiful morning out in Virginia**—

"I didn't go to school in Virginia." Morgan complained.

**but for many students that meant it was school time.**

**One of those students was Reid**—

"Aaahh!"

"Ouch," Seaver winced, rubbing her ear. "What was that about Reid?"

"Oops," Morgan said when he noticed everyone but Seaver had covered their ears. "Damn I forgot to mention that."

"Our poor baby suffers from Fanfiction-itis." Garcia explained. "It causes him to react when his name is mentioned."

"I see, sorry to hear that Reid."

**who was making his way over to school. He didn't particularly like school since he'd get teased about being a nerd.**

**"Hey man wait up!"**

**He turned to see Derek heading up to him.**

"I didn't go to high school during Reid's high school years."

"These stories never get it right do they?" Rossi commented with a shake of his head.

**"Hi Derek." He greeted. "How did your date last night go?"**

**"Good as always." Derek replied with a grin. "I got her number on my iPhone."**

"There weren't any iPhones in my high school years."

"There were hardly even cellphones in my days." Rossi added.

"So far so stupid." Garcia grumbled.

**"I'm not surprised. You always get their number."**

**Derek chuckled. "Yeah you know it. Anyway I'll see you in class."**

**At another part of the school was another student, a blonde teenager.**

Seaver paused to exchange a glance with JJ, her hand unconsciously touched a strand of her own blonde hair. "Crap."

"I wasn't in high school with you or JJ." Morgan continued his complaints.

"I have yet to see my character," Will pointed out and he smiled at that realization. "I gotta say that feels so refreshing."

"I agree," Kevin said. "Hopefully I'm not in it."

"Are they that bad or something?" Seaver asked.

**Her name was Jennifer Jareau.**

"Oh my God!" JJ cried in displeasure. "It _just_ had to be me; I'm not the only blond who works in the BAU."

"Okay, now I'm fully convinced these stories suck." Seaver said.

**She was with her best friend Linda. Linda was a thin but not overly thin girl. She had long dark hair and an amazing body. All the boys loved and wanted her attention.**

"Mary Sue!" Garcia gasped.

Seaver turned to the only guest who wasn't ignorant to the existence of Fanfiction. "So Kevin, what's a Mary Sue?"

Kevin sighed. "Basically they're a made up character with overly exaggerated features."

"Sounds like hell."

"Oh it is."

**"Hi JJ." Linda greeted her best friend. "How was your hot date with Will?"**

"Oh God me again?!" Will shouted angrily. "I thought I was in the clear!"

Kevin placed a hand to his shoulder. "Hey bro, I'm here for you."

"Thanks man." He replied with a grateful smile.

**"Oh it was good. We went out and he took me home in his Audi r8."**

"Pfft," Will scoffed. "I wish I had an Audi r8."

"There weren't any Audi r8's in my high school years."

"Will you give it a rest Derek?" JJ groaned. "It's bad enough I got fanfiction giving me a headache I don't want one from you too."

**The two best friends headed inside school and went into their separate classes. For JJ things didn't end there. After her practice, in which she breezed through the soccer game, was where things began changing.**

Will sighed in annoyance. "Here it is, I'm gonna kidnap JJ again."

"You kidnapped JJ?!" Seaver gasped.

He facepalmed. "No not 'me', I meant me in the fanfiction. Does it look like I'd kidnap my own wife?"

She blushed sheepishly. "Sorry about that."

Blake chuckled. "Join the club, because I asked the same question."

**The locker room was completely empty, but that didn't stop JJ from feeling like she was being watched. It felt ominous.**

"What kind of rat peeps on women?" Rossi said with disgust.

"I'm guessing JJ has a stalker," Blake pointed out as she pieced it together. "And it looks like this unsub might have just gotten tired of waiting."

"Hmm, it seems they've begun to escalate." Reid said.

"Because their fantasies no longer satisfy them." Seaver added.

"They're making their move in a public place, a school." Morgan joined. "They're either pretty sure they'll make it out or just plain crazy."

This time JJ sighed in annoyance. "Blake and Ashley I'll excuse you guys because you didn't hear me when I said this, but Derek and Spence, I said no profiling the stories."

The two adults hung their head down like a pair of kids caught by the cookie jar.

"Sorry JJ." The two said.

**She definitely could feel someone else here. When she looked towards her left she could've sworn she saw someone duck their head.**

**JJ tip-toe'd toward the corner to make sure the person didn't hear. She cornered the person and was startled at who she saw.**

**"Spence?!"**

"Aaahh!"

"Reid?!" Blake gasped in surprise. "I did not see that coming."

Seaver blew a sigh of relief. "Phew, glad I anticipated that yell."

"Yes! I can't believe it isn't me." Will said happily. He then received a glare from JJ and coughed nervously. "I mean uh, Spencer whats up with you peeping on my woman? Yeah... that was definitely the first thing that came to mind." He added lamely.

"This makes no sense; I have never peeped on girls!" Reid snapped.

"Yeah," Morgan agreed. "Weren't you like ten when you graduated high school? You wouldn't know a thing about girls."

"Twelve." He corrected with a frown.

"But Derek weren't you ten when you had a girlfriend?" Blake asked with a raised brow.

"Yeah, but it definitely wasn't a high schooler I made out with."

"Point taken."

"Hey Kevin, why is this author portraying Reid as a dirty pervert?" Garcia finally asked, getting back to topic.

"When you see a character acting in a manner they'd normally never act in, it's called 'OOC'. It stands for out of character. It's simple and to the point." Kevin explained.

"But I'm not some 'character' that this author can twist around to fit their needs." Reid replied with a frown. "I'm a human being."

"I don't think these authors care." Rossi said.

**"Wait it's not what it looks like JJ!"**

**JJ glared at him and shoved him to the floor. She then angrily began slamming and shoving him around. "What's wrong with you?!"**

Reid crossed his arms. "I'm sure my character has a valid explanation for this."

"That possibility, unfortunately, didn't stop JJ from unleashing the beast." Rossi replied with a chuckle.

**She gave one final shove before collapsing next to his hurt body. She was out of energy and was gasping for air.**

Reid snorted. "Oh I'm sorry manhandling me was so tiring for you."

"Well if you weren't such a pervert she wouldn't have to do that now would she." Morgan joked.

"I'm not a pervert!"

Seaver placed a hand to her head. "God I feel a migraine coming."

"Don't worry Spence," JJ assured the angered genius with a smile. "I know you aren't like this at all."

He smiled. "Thanks JJ."

**"What were you thinking?" JJ muttered weakly.**

**"I'm sorry... it's just I love you!"**

"What, again?!" Will snapped.

"Oh great," Reid mumbled. "Not me and JJ again."

**"What did you say?"**

**"I know I shouldn't have done what I did, but I knew you'd never go for a guy like me. You're dating Will so this was the only way."**

"What is it with pairing me and Spencer together?" JJ asked with a frown.

"But in this story JJ is already dating Willy," Garcia said. "And it doesn't look like she's unhappy like our previous stories have depicted her, so she might reject Reid."

**He was shocked when she began crying.**

**"My relationship with him isn't as perfect as it seems. It's all fallen downhill. We never go out anymore. Just today I lied to my friend that we went out, but we didn't. To him I bet he thinks we broke up already."**

"But then, what do I know huh?" Garcia shrugged.

**"Come JJ, give us a chance. I'll treat you with all the love you deserve."**

**"I know Spence, being with Will has been a huge mistake. It's time I fixed it."**

**They stared at each other for a good second before crashing lips.**

"So I'm bringing my previous statement back," Will said. "I'm going to kidnap JJ because she's gonna dump me."

Seaver sighed. "You know, this poorly written drama reminds me of why my high school experience isn't something I want to remember."

**The door suddenly open and in came...**

**A/N- Cliffhanger I know! I'm such a tease XD! In the next chapter we'll see how Will is going to take this. **

"We already know how I'll handle it." Will groaned. "I'm kidnapping her and then get shot."

"Guys," Seaver called. "There's a chapter two."

"You mean the author actually thought this deserved another chapter?" Morgan asked incredulously.

"Should I read it?" She asked and everyone began pondering on what to do.

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**Yup guys, for the first time in my story the gang will be reading a story with more than one chapter. I thought I'd cover a high school topic since as we all know they are very popular among the Fanfiction world. And I apologize for the lateness.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hello my fellow fanfiction lovers! It's time for the next installment of my story.**

**Fanfiction Trauma**

* * *

Chapter 12: Not Another High School Story (Part Two)

"No, no you shouldn't read another one." JJ answered. "In fact we should just stop while we're ahead."

"I don't know, I'm kind of interested in seeing how this'll play out." Morgan said.

"Me too." Rossi added. "And that's saying something."

"What are you guys, deaf?" Will exclaimed with crossed arms. "I told you like five times how it's gonna end."

"Okay Will, stop with the kidnapping already." JJ growled. "Do you know how much this is making my head ache?"

"Darling maybe you should take a nap with Henry, men are talking." Will joked earning a laugh from Morgan and an elbow shove from JJ.

"Since I'm seldom seen in these fanfiction stories I have no problem with reading another chapter." Blake said.

"And I say the less I read the better." Kevin added. "I use to love Fanfiction dot net but now I feel like puking my guts out."

"So there's your green-light kiddo." Rossi said.

Seaver nodded and began clicking on chapter two. "Alright, here we go."

**Wow everyone thanks for the reviews I knew you'd love it! But seriously what is OOC?!**

"It's how you're portraying me!" Reid snapped.

**So let us start chapter two!**

**Chapter 2- The Confrontation: Will Arrives**

"Oh boy, I can't wait." Will said with absolutely no excitement in his tone.

**The door opened shocking the two. ****Standing by the doorway clad in glasses and a gray button up shirt, was none other than the hated, fat teacher Kevin Lynch.**

"Fat?!" Kevin repeated in disbelief.

"Kevin wasn't a teacher in my high school days."

"Damn it Derek I said cut it out." JJ retorted.

Will placed a hand to Kevin's shoulder, similar to how he'd previously done. "Hey, I'm here for you."

"Thanks bro, it's totally appreciated," Kevin replied and he tapped over his heart with a fist to emphasize. "Right here, right here. That's love man."

JJ shook her head. Somehow she knew their bro-mance would give her another headache.

**"What's all that noise in there?" He wheezed as he clutched his inhaler. **

**He was already pretty awkward to begin with, but now he was even more miserable. He'd gain about an extra 100 pounds and his gray shirt barely fit. There was already a popped button right in the middle of the shirt, leaving a gap. The rest of the buttons held on for dear life.**

Kevin slumped down in the corner again. "Why oh why do these guys hate me?"

"They're just jealous." Will defended his new bashed brother.

Garcia went over to pat his back in a comforting gesture. "Don't let it get to you Kevin."

**"Oh yuck I knew you children were in here doing the naughty-naughty! What in tarnation is going on here? It's all this TV messing with your heads. You're destroying your youth."**

Garcia frowned. "Kevin is completely OOC. If you're planning on using us in your story without our prior consent the least you could do is write us as we are."

"Babygirl is right," Morgan agreed. "All that we've read so far suck like hell"

**JJ took a hold of Reid's—**

"Aaahh!"

**hand and ran out, she knew the fat guy wouldn't capture them. They made it to the hallway laughing.**

**"Nice job JJ."**

**"Thanks."**

**He blushed. "So um... are we together?"**

**"Yeah we are."**

**"What about... you know?"**

**"I'm done with Will." She said sadly. "I know he doesn't love me anymore."**

"Absolutely impossible." Will said. "My love for JJ is endless."

"Oh Will." JJ murmured with a sheepish smile.

Morgan rolled his eyes at the display of romance.

**Back at the teacher's lounge was Kevin with his fellow teachers Hotchner and Rossi.**

"Me and Aaron as teachers?" Rossi said with a raised brow. "I don't see it."

"And yet somehow I could." Blake replied.

"I'd hate to have Hotch as my teacher." Morgan said. "He'd be a damn drill sergeant."

"Rossi wouldn't be so bad though." Garcia replied.

"I could see him as the cool, fun teacher." Seaver added.

**"So what's up with you Kevin?" Rossi asked.**

**"It was horrible guys. Yesterday I caught two students doing the nasty in the locker room."**

**"Is that all, I bet loads of kids do that." Hotch said. He and Rossi were the cool, hot teachers in the school.**

"How is it that you two get complimented but all of us have gotten some heat thrown at us?" Morgan complained.

"I haven't gotten any." Blake replied.

"I haven't either." Seaver added.

"Oh you will, _trust_ me." Morgan said.

Rossi shrugged. "You know I didn't write this Derek so I don't know why I'm a being complimented."

**Rossi laughed. "Just don't let principle Strauss know or she'll flip." **

"Principle Strauss?!" Morgan repeated before doubling in laughter. "And I thought having Hotch as a teacher would be bad!"

"That school must be a total boot camp!" Garcia joked. And soon her back was leaned against Morgan's as the two were having a laugh attack.

**Kevin could only stare at them with jealousy. He wish he had the attention they got. He sighed sadly to himself. Someday.**

**The next day came by quickly. At class was Will with Derek and Penelope. **

Garcia rolled her eyes. "Joy."

"And the drama starts now." Rossi joked.

"So does the gossip and rumors." Seaver added with a groan. "This is exactly why high school sucks."

**"So I heard from JJ you had a date with her, how was it?" Penelope asked.**

**Will sighed sadly. "We didn't have one. Lately things have been so bad with us."**

Will frowned. "Okay seriously, why is it that in every story things with me and JJ are ALWAYS bad?"

"Yeah," JJ agreed. "Why can't they show us happily together for a change?"

"I was thinking the same; that plot is so recycled in these fanfiction stories that it's actually making me lose brain cells." Rossi said.

"No kidding, I might be brain dead after this." Morgan added.

**Derek eyed him sadly. "Are you parents busting your chops again man?"**

**"Yeah, I didn't tell JJ but the truth is I've been busting my ass to help my parents pay the rent. We haven't had any time together."**

**Penelope sighed sadly. "I'm so sorry."**

"I actually have a back-story?" Will said in total shock. "I was expecting to be some crazy, psycho unsub right from the get-go."

"Looks like we have quite the misunderstanding here." Blake exclaimed. "It turns out Will wasn't purposely avoiding JJ, he had no choice. He was just trying to make ends meet."

"Too bad JJ was so quick to jump on the 'Reid Train'. Chugga chugga chugga choo choo!" Morgan joked as he mimicked a train whistle.

"Bite me," she retorted. "This story is just stupidly portraying me."

**"Why didn't you tell JJ?" Derek asked.**

**"Because I didn't want her to worry." Will said sadly.**

**This made Derek feel sad. "Don't worry man, it'll get better."**

"Not likely." Rossi said. "In fact Will is about to get the biggest bombshell dropped on him."

"Hey guys, wanna make a game out of how many times the author uses the word 'sad' or 'sadly' in their story?" Kevin asked with a laugh. "So far I've counted five."

Seaver chuckled. "I picked up on that bit too."

**"Thanks, I hope you're right." He said, sniffling sadly.**

"Six." Kevin said.

"Why am I such a pansy here?" Will groaned, not too happy on his portrayal.

**It made him feel slightly better to hear that, but suddenly he looked sad.**

"Seven."

**"What if... she doesn't understand? What if she leaves me?"**

"Too late for that," Morgan joked. "JJ is currently onboard the Reid Express. Chugga chugga— ow!" He winced as he was cut off when JJ cuffed him upside the head.

"Thank goodness," Reid sighed in relief. "I thought he'd never stop."

**"That won't happen." Penelope replied. **

**Derek nodded. "How about after school you have a talk with her? You know, so you can finally clear the air with her."**

**Will gave him a sad look—**

"Eight. Boy, this is a little angst-ridden piece isn't it?"

"That's putting it mildly." Blake replied.

**before smiling. "Yeah, you think you can come along with me. I could definitely use a wingman by my side."**

**He grinned. "Of course I'll come. How about you Penelope?"**

**"I'd love to but darn it I gotta stay late to finish up a project." She said sadly.**

"Dang! That's nine times already!"

**"Guess it's just you and me then." Derek said.**

**At another class was JJ and her best friend Linda.**

"You know what the funny thing is?" JJ said. "I don't even recall ever being friends with a 'Linda'. Why couldn't they just use one of my real friends? I mean is there a rule that says an OC needs to be included in a story or something? And just to add salt to my wounds she's a Mary Sue."

"Some authors like putting their OCs in their stories; I see it frequently in the fandoms I check out." Kevin replied, feeling like it was now his responsibility to answer anything fanfiction related.

**"So tell me, I wanna know all about your date." Linda smirked. "Give me the dirty details."**

**JJ flinched nervously. "It was uh... good." The bell rung and she couldn't be happier. She rushed out before her friend could follow. The rest of the day was spent making out with her new lover whenever the occasion appeared.**

Reid blushed and buried his red face on Garcia's shoulder, whom patted his head in return.

"Damn that is messed up." Morgan joked. "To think, somewhere during all those hours I was probably hugging a crying Will. Shame on you JJ."

Blake chuckled as JJ bunked him again. "You never learn."

"I actually find that to be more entertaining than the story." Rossi joked.

**When the last bell had rung Derek, as promised, was waiting outside with Will for JJ.**

**"Dude I'm kinda nervous." Will said. "What if she gets pissed at me?"**

**"Nah she won't, and besides I got your back."**

**"But what if she gets sad?"**

"Oh look they said it again!" Kevin chuckled. "So that officially makes ten times."

"And I'm willing to bet there's going to be an eleventh time." Seaver replied with a small laugh.

**"Ya gotta relax man; I told you I got your back."**

**"Appreciate it, you're a good friend Derek."**

**At that moment JJ and Reid—**

"Aaahh!"

**came out, hand in hand. Unfortunately that was also how Will had spotted them. **

**"JJ..." He whispered, completely heartbroken.**

Will hung his head down. "Jeez, can my character ever catch a break? I actually feel myself dying a little on the inside with all this abuse my guy is getting."

"Hey, don't say that," JJ soothed as she gently took a hold of his wrist. "In Fanfiction dot net we may hate our guts but in reality we are, and always will be, inseparable."

He smiled weakly and the two gazed lovingly at each other.

"Awww..." the others teased.

**Suddenly anger burned inside of him—**

"Here it comes." Rossi said.

"I knew it!" Will exclaimed. "I am kidnapping her."

**and he approached them, with Derek right behind him. "Jennifer!"**

"You know shit gets real when we call JJ Jennifer." Morgan joked.

"Yeah," Rossi agreed with a small chuckle. "I'm so accustomed to calling you JJ that I forget it isn't your birth name."

**She gasped in surprise and quickly released her secret lover's hand. "W-Will what are you doing here?"**

**He ignored her and walked past her. He slammed the genius onto the wall. "And you! I thought we were friends!"**

"This is the only part that's gotten my attention." Garcia stated.

"Same." Kevin agreed.

**Derek quickly took a hold of his arms to pry him off the scared teen. "Chill man!"**

**"You got some explaining to do you bastard!"**

**The boy flinched in fear.**

**JJ stood witnessing the scene with fear. When he saw them he had looked so sad.**

"Hey what do you know, Ashley you were right." Kevin said. "There's our number eleven."

"For the author to constantly repeat those words makes me think that she..." Reid trailed off as he recalled JJ's words. "Oh right, no profiling the stories. I almost forgot."

"I wonder how it'll play out." Blake murmured. A part of her was actually curious to what the outcome would be, not like she'd admit it though.

**What should she do? If she didn't jump in she was sure a fight would break out. But what can she do? This was a mess and she knew it. **

**End of chapter two people. Review.**

"What?!" Garcia said in disbelief. "Are you kidding me?! The one time a story has the slightest bit of my attention and they drop a cliffhanger? Man that's just mean."

"Gotta admit, that was mean." Rossi added.

"Well," Seaver said as she stood up and away from the dreaded laptop. "I did my turn, now who's next?"

"..."

The room was engulfed by silence; one could swear a tumbleweed blew in the distance.

"Okay," Morgan finally broke the silence, taking a deep breath to ready himself for what he was about to suggest. "I think it's about time we call Hotch."

Blake paused and crossed her arms to think. "I don't know if that's such a good idea."

"She's right Derek," Rossi agreed. "It's one thing to get us involved but Hotch? He'd probably have your head on a stick."

"Plus I don't want him here." Reid added. "I have enough 'guests' already."

Unfortunately Morgan had paid zero attention to them and had already dialed their unit chief.

_"Hotchner." Came the stern voice of their leader._

"Yo Hotch, what's up?"

_"Do you need something Morgan?" He asked, not beating around the bush. "I'm currently enjoying a nice day out with Jack."_

"That's nice and all, but I need a big favor from you and I won't take 'no' for an answer."

_"No." Hotch simply replied._

"C'mon! You didn't even hear me out!" Morgan said, refusing to give up. He could hear the sigh from his boss' end and took that as his cue. "I need you to head on over to Reid's house. We found something that you need to look into."

_"Fine, I'll be there in a few."_

Morgan turned to the group once he'd hung up and smirked. "Okay, now things get interesting."

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**Yes fangirls, your dreams have come true. Hotch is about to join the party. Although, sadly, he's probably going to kill Derek once he sees the horror with his very own eyes.**

**P.S. If I had Rossi as one of my high school teachers I'd be so thrilled. He'd be awesome! **


	13. Chapter 13

**I bet you've all been waiting for this one lol! Sorry for making you wait but like I said I was saving the best for last. The wait is over and Hotch is finally here.**

**Fanfiction Trauma**

* * *

Chapter 13: AU: Profiling in the year 3000

"You know he's probably going to fire us." Reid groaned.

"Or kill us." Blake said.

"Or kill himself." JJ added dryly.

"Oh yes I can see it now," Rossi joked. "FBI profilers fired due to causing the death of their unit chief. Cause of death: excessive exposure to Fanfiction dot net."

Will chuckled. "I'm safe from the heat though, since I work under a different superior. You guys are definitely screwed though."

"You know... I don't work for him either," Kevin chimed in with a growing smirk.

"Gee thanks for the support." Rossi replied.

"Wait a minute," Seaver cut in as a realization sunk in. "I'm safe too. To think I almost forgot I don't work under Hotch anymore."

Kevin grinned and high fived them both. "It feels good not to be in the lion's den."

"You know Derek, if Hotch doesn't kill you I will." JJ said.

"You guys are worrying too much. He isn't gonna kill us." Morgan replied.

At that moment a tired Henry awoke with a stir. He stretched his small arms and smiled. "Yay! We still at uncle Spencer's house!"

"Unfortunately." Blake muttered.

"Okay everyone my boy is awake," Will whispered so only the adults could hear. "No more talks about killing each other or getting killed."

Despite how funny his request sounded the crew nodded.

"Hiya sleepyhead," JJ said with a smile as she ruffled his hair. "We have some new guests."

Henry eagerly peered over her shoulder to welcome the new guests. "Hi Kevin, hi Ashwey!"

Kevin gave him a thumbs up. "How's it going partner, nice to see ya."

Seaver smiled at the boy. "Hey Henry, you're getting tall."

The doorbell caught their attention and as usual Morgan volunteered to get it.

"Shouldn't it be Reid who answers that?" Seaver asked as he exited the room.

"It should," Rossi confirmed. "But Derek has long since taken control over this place."

"I think he's going through a phase." Will added jokingly.

"Don't you just love a man with control," Garcia chimed in.

"Although this is the first time I'm glad for his dominance over my house." Reid stated.

"And why's that?" JJ questioned.

"Because I don't want to be the one breaking this down to Hotch."

Everyone agreed.

Just then, Morgan had opened the door to greet the newcomers. "Hey Hotch," he leaned down to share a knuckle bump with Jack. "Hey little buddy."

"Hi Derek!" Jack greeted with a smile.

Hotch on the other hand wasn't as enthusiastic as his son; he held his steely gaze. "So what is it that you wanted me to look into?"

"Follow me and I'll show you," he replied as he led him to the room.

Hotch was stunned to silence, which was a reaction rarely seen on the elite profiler, and eyed the crowded mess quizzically.

The silence was broken by the two children who were ecstatic upon seeing one another.

"Jack!"

"Henry!"

They immediately began chatting up and Henry had invited him up to Reid's bed, which he now had claimed was his 'castle'.

Hotch gave Morgan a blank stare. "You realize that it's nowhere near my birthday, right?"

"Nah man this isn't a surprise party or anything like that. This is much bigger." He replied.

Hotch sighed. "It's good to see everyone, although majority of you I saw just yesterday."

"You know you can't stand being apart from the children Aaron." Rossi joked.

Garcia happily embraced her boss. "I never get tired of seeing you boss man."

Seaver extended her hand out to him and smiled. "A pleasure to see you again Hot— excuse me, sir."

"Likewise Ashley," he replied as he took her gesture. "You can still call me Hotch I don't mind. How's Andi Swann's unit?"

"It's been great, Hotch."

Hotch then turned to Will. "Did Morgan rope you into this too Will?"

Will chuckled. "Now what gave you that impression?"

"A number of things; personal experience being the main factor though."

"He even suckered me into coming here too." Kevin added as he shook hands with him.

Morgan motioned for Hotch to sit down. "I called you here because we found this site called Fanfiction dot net. It's this weird website that has stories based on us."

"Come again?" Hotch said in bewilderment.

"It's true." He reinforced his statement. "Hey Kev, give Hotch the rundown on the special vocabulary popularly used in Fanfiction dot net."

Kevin took it upon himself to explain all the slang they'd encountered while on Fanfiction dot net. And if Hotch hadn't been fully creeped out before he was now.

"Well that's... unusual."

"Perhaps you should read one Aaron," Rossi suggested. "So you can get a better understanding."

Hotch was about to flat out deny, but a quick glance at how happy his son was playing with Henry made him reconsider; and so with a heavy sigh he began scanning the stories.

Morgan smirked proudly at how he'd even managed to get his boss into this.

"Got one." He called.

Reid sighed. "Well find a seat wherever you can guys as we're about to start this cycle again."

**Profilers of the 30th Century**

"That sounds interesting." Blake said.

Reid nodded. "A story taking place in the future sounds very interesting."

"The concept is good but the delivery will most likely suck." Will replied.

**By MasterProfiler25**

**Summary: A team of profilers are about to investigate into a case. Watch how things have changed and new techniques will be used to solve the cases in the year 3000!**

"Since it's taking place in the year 3000 I'm assuming it will be using OCs." Blake said.

"Not necessarily Alex," Kevin interjected. "It could be an AU story."

"AU?" Seaver repeated.

"Yeah, it stands for 'Alternate Universe'." He explained. "It's pretty self explanatory."

Garcia sighed. "Meaning it could very well still include us?"

"Precisely."

**The world had gone through several changes. It was different now. Society had endured many changes throughout the years. But although the world had changed it didn't mean crime had stopped.**

**Luckily there were elite profilers whom specialized in stopping them wherever they may appear. **

"Wait, I'm not a profiler." Will exclaimed and grinned happily. "This means I might not be in this pile of dump."

"Neither am I!" Kevin cheered as he too smiled with relief. He then paled as a sickening realization sunk in. "Oh wait... this is an AU!"

**Two of them were making their way to headquarters together. Their names were Will and Kevin.**

"Oh come on!" The two shouted as the others shared a laugh.

**They both worked for the new BAU that was located in New Virginia.**

**"So how did JJ take it about you missing dinner last night?" Kevin asked.**

**He sighed sadly.**

"I swear if this author spams that word I'll go nuts." Garcia said as she recalled the previous story.

Seaver chuckled. "At least we could make another game of it."

**"It's hard ya know, she feels the job is taking too much of my time and I don't spend enough time at the house."**

JJ frowned. "Is this some sort of role reversal?"

Will smirked. "Although I'm pissed at seeing another one of those 'things are going bad' stories, I gotta say it's kinda interesting to see how the shoe is on the other foot now. Am I right sweetheart?"

JJ rolled her eyes. "Spare me."

**"That's rough." Kevin said.**

**"I'll make it up to her though." He replied. **

**They made it inside the bullpen where the rest of the team were. Spencer—**

"Aaahh!"

Hotch winced at the yell before turning to the culprit with concern. "Reid, are you okay?"

He smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, sorry about that. My exposure to this site hasn't done me any good. I have Fanfiction-itis, which causes me to react whenever my name is mentioned."

Hotch eyed him for a moment before nodding, although his concern didn't dissipate. "We'll discuss more later."

**was in his usual seat with Rossi in his own office; Derek across from him; sitting adjacent to Derek was Elle.**

That name caused a wave of memories and emotions to flood through the ones who had once worked with her.

"God I miss her..." Morgan muttered to himself, silently speaking for those who knew her.

**At that moment Rossi walked in. "We got a case guys." The others began following their media liaison—**

"Media liaison?" Rossi repeated in disbelief. "I can't possibly see myself doing that."

"I'm beginning to agree with Will now," Reid began. "Seeing us in different roles is a bit intriguing."

"Speak for yourself." JJ replied.

**to the conference room. There they had been briefed through the giant screen. Technology had advanced tremendously over the years. Robotic equipment was now common.**

**"Let's go." Hotch said.**

Hotch paused briefly at the mention of his names. He was beginning to see why this bothered Reid.

"Creepy isn't it?" Blake said.

"Very."

**The case was a local one so there was no need to travel outside New Virginia. A man had been kidnapping and killing women in the area.**

**Derek stepped out of the BAU building first and stared at the swarms of fishes to his left.**

"I'm confused," Seaver said. "Is the new BAU building near an aquarium or some sort of pet store?"

"That's extremely weird." Garcia replied.

**Nowadays everyone would see the marine animals. The cities were underwater after all.**

"What, underwater?! That's so cool." Kevin said.

"Totally cool," Garcia agreed.

"And different." Hotch added. "But then, I suppose change would be inevitable in the span of a thousand years."

**The water was kept at bay through the huge dome-like transparent wall preventing any leaks, but allowed anyone to enjoy watching the marine life. Life was underwater ever since the land was overrun by several weasels. **

"Is this or isnt this what I had predicted earlier," Rossi said.

"Wow Rossi, you predicted right!" Garcia replied with a laugh.

"When I said change was inevitable I did _not_ mean this." Hotch groaned already getting displeased by the fanfictions.

"Okay, whatever respect I had for this story just went down the drain." Will stated.

"No kidding," Morgan agreed. "I mean weasels? Really?"

"I'm guessing this was most likely written by a twelve-year old, could be any gender but I'm leaning more towards a boy," Seaver deduced as she pieced it together. "Young boys tend to have a big overactive imagination."

Blake turned to the two young boys pretending they were cowboy astronauts whom hunted dinosaurs for a living. "Indeed they do."

Hotch couldn't help the pride that swelled through him from Seaver's analysis; it felt like just yesterday she was a cadet. "Good analysis."

"Oh yeah I forgot to tell you this before; but we don't profile the stories." JJ cut in.

"Oops, sorry JJ." Seaver replied.

**The team was easily able to pinpoint where the unsub had been hiding and headed right to his house.**

"Where's the search for motive; the visit to the ME; interviewing the victims?" Hotch questioned with a frown. "All these factors are what make us reach a solid profile. The author can't simply leave such an important aspect like that out."

"They can and they will Aaron." Rossi replied.

"That's just an example of lazy authors." Kevin said. "They only write what they wanna write."

**His name was Jasper Hanson. Jasper was a crocodile humanoid that lived in New Virginia. He was half human and half crocodile.**

"Ew!" Garcia gagged. "I'd hate to see what that looks like."

"I don't care how many centuries pass or how much technology advances; I'd never get involved with a crocodile." Blake added.

"That must look so disgusting," Morgan said, his face scrunching up in disgust. "Seriously, that's like dating Kermit the Frog."

His comment earned several laughs.

**"Hands in the air Hanson!" Hotch shouted as he held his gun up.**

**"Do as he says we don't wanna shoot you!" Kevin yelled.**

**Unfortunately unsubs had also upgraded their mindset. Jasper pressed a button and a jetpack sprouted out of his back.**

"What." The adults stated. It wasn't said in a question-like way, nor as a statement. It was just a pure 'what'.

**Luckily Derek had anticipated that and had activated his electro-gun, which had the ability to cancel out electronic devices. **

**"Nice shot!" Elle praised as Jasper crashed onto the floor.**

**Kevin rushed over and cuffed him before throwing him inside the police car which no longer ran on gas. In the year 2500 gas had been replaced with vegetable oil. **

"Is that even possible?" Garcia asked.

"The Jetsons do it." Morgan replied as if that were a legit answer.

**They then took the unsub back to the station where the authorities there took care of the rest. The team headed back to base after the long case had been closed. **

**To celebrate the success of the mission the team headed out for drinks. It was never an easy day for the profilers of New Virginia but so long as they were together it'd be okay.**

**End of chapter one. Review bitches.**

"Definitely a twelve-year old boy." Seaver reinforced her previous theory.

"I'm leaving." Hotch stated as he pulled out the chair.

"Sorry sir but you can't." Garcia interjected, extending her hands out to block the exit. "The rules state that you can't leave."

"Rules?" He repeated before frowning. "I'm leaving Garcia."

"You can't just leave Aaron." Rossi exclaimed with crossed arms. "We've all stayed here in the hopes of running into a decent story; you can't just shatter our rules."

"Just look at poor Reid." Garcia said as she motioned the genius. "He has Fanfiction-itis but you don't see him giving up; Willy here has been butchered like no other."

"That's right I have."

"Poor Kevin has had to endure constant heat thrown at him," the tech added. "And we all had to witness Mary Sues and OOC junk but we didn't give up; and do you know why? It's because we have hope; hope that perhaps under all this pile of horrible fanfiction there's this one good story, which is pleading for us to find it."

Hotch sighed at her colorful explanation. "Okay Garcia okay, I'll stay."

This delighted the tech and she pulled Hotch in for a bear hug. "I knew you wouldn't let us down sir!"

"So uh... who's reading?" Morgan asked successfully destroying the moment and earning a glare from every adult present.

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**AU stories are actually pretty popular among Fanfiction dot net. I've read countless of them and enjoyed them, although I have seen some sucky OOC ones.**

**Till next time!**

**P.S. Rossi predicts a weasel takeover in chapter five.**


	14. Chapter 14

**You guys are so awesome with your comments; they really always make my day. I'm really happy to know I'm making you laugh. I know life can be suck-tacular sometimes so that's why I wrote this; in the hopes of making those hard times a bit less harder :)**

**Fanfiction Trauma**

* * *

**Just wanna point out 2 things:**

**1.) Any mistakes you see in the story inside the story, such as grammar and spelling, are all intentional.**

**2.) I stated in the beginning that I wasn't gonna read any real stories. The ones I use are all made by me, therefore I can flame the heck outta it.**

* * *

Chapter 14: Jotch (Hotch/JJ) and Psycho Beth

Garcia pulled away from Hotch to shoot a death glare at Morgan. "Way to crash the mood Derek."

Morgan raised his hands up in defense. "Sorry baby doll but someone has to do it."

"Well since you're so eager why don't you do it?" Blake suggested.

"No way, I only asked so one of you could do it." He protested. "And besides, I'd like to remind everyone that I've read twice already."

"One more wouldn't kill you." Seaver said, hoping he'd read.

"Actually it would."

Hotch crossed his arms. "If you knew how disastrous these stories were why did you invite me?"

Morgan placed his arm around him. "Cause we love you and we all wanted to see you."

Hotch's expression remained blank. "I may fire you."

"Hey, I got it!" Kevin suddenly interrupted. "I know how to solve our dilemma."

"Let's hear it." Rossi replied.

"I'll think of a number between one and twenty, whoever guesses it right will read."

"Brilliant idea Kevin!" Garcia praised making the man smile sheepishly.

"Nice try Kevin, but I'm not buying it." Morgan said. "Since you're the one thinking of a number than that'll exclude you from having to guess it."

"Yeah that isn't fair." Rossi added. "Why should you be the one thinking of the number?"

"Hey, it was my idea so it's my rules." Kevin answered with crossed arms.

"Maybe I should think of the number." Seaver suggested.

"You too?" Morgan groaned. "That just takes us back to square one again."

"I still think _you_ should read Derek." Will joined in as he shot the man a glare. "If it weren't for you I'd still be with my wife and boy enjoying a nice day out."

"Technically you're still with them." Reid replied.

JJ sighed. "Can we act like the grown-ups we're supposed to be?"

Kevin smirked. "Okay Derek here's another idea, since you clearly disliked my first, how about we vote on it?"

Morgan paled.

This made Kevin's smirk grow even wider. "All in favor of Derek reading raise your hands."

The profiler began sweating up a storm as the entire room raised their hands. "Be reasonable guys... c'mon you don't want me to read, right?"

In response the others continued holding their arms determinedly in the air.

"You guys so suck." Morgan conceded as he made his way to the chair.

"Now what kind of crap are we going to find this time?" Seaver asked while he searched.

Rossi pondered for a moment before finally speaking. "I would say something OOC and dumb."

"Also something that will most likely not include me." Blake added.

"Yo I got one." Morgan called.

**Important Bonds**

"Good choice Morgan," Seaver praised. "With a title like that I'm sure it won't be a lame high school love story, or anything that falls in that category."

"I agree." Will added.

"It's exactly why I picked it."

**By XORomanceNLoveXO**

"Oh give me a break!" Morgan groaned.

**Summary: There's a special bond between the members of the BAU that keeps them together. What happens when two members decide to transform their bond into something much deeper?**

"Well they'd get Strauss down their neck." Rossi answered.

"And probably get the 'Hotch Talk'." Morgan added. "No offense Hotch."

"None taken."

**It was another regular day for the agents of the BAU but it was also another stressful day for JJ.**

JJ sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose in exasperation. "Joy."

Morgan snickered. "Oh this is not looking good for you."

"When is it ever good for anyone?" Garcia added.

Reid began inwardly hoping it wasn't another pairing between him and JJ again. He edged closer to the screen so he could read over Morgan's shoulder.

**None of her friends were blinded by her stress and they could easily tell she was not herself again.**

**"Hey you okay?" Emily asked.**

"Good," Blake murmured. "Again it takes place before me. Although, I am a bit curious as to why I'm not as popular as you guys."

"You should be glad for that Alex," Kevin responded. "That makes your chances of being in these suck-tacular stories that much more slim."

"I guess I can take that as a win then."

**"Yeah, just had a long day." She replied and left the 'again' part effectively out. She was glad there weren't any cases and it was just a paperwork day this time.**

**Emily reluctantly nodded and made her way out of her office and back to her desk. **

**"How is she?" Derek spoke once she sat.**

**"She says she's fine but I'm not buying it." Emily answered. "I don't like seeing her like this."**

Will frowned. "Why do I get the feeling that I'm somehow the reason why JJ is upset... oh right, it's because I am. Jesus, I hate fanfictions."

"Who knows Willy, maybe this one won't portray you in a horribly OOC way." Garcia soothed.

"I don't know Penelope," Rossi said with skepticism. "This site doesn't seem to like Will very much."

"Why would someone dislike him?" Hotch asked in disbelief. "He's an outstanding detective who loves his family and friends."

Will scratched his head sheepishly, obviously flattered by the comment. "Thanks man, good to know some people think so."

**Derek nodded. "I know. She's been so unhappy ever since Will ran off on her three days ago."**

"What did I tell you guys! I told you it'd be me!"

**"Getting married with him was an absolute mistake. He was nothing but a French moron."**

"Is this author serious? I'm from New Orleans stupid bit—" Will cut himself off and instead took a few steady breathes to calm himself. He couldn't believe how these stories affected him.

Morgan chuckled. "This is what you get for thinking I should read Will."

"Can it Derek."

**"Tell me about it Emily," he agreed. "He's almost as bad as that loser Kevin."**

"Seriously?! Now what did I do?"

**Emily turned to Reed.**

Everyone stood speechless as the yell that had always preceded the mention of the genius had not come; an unfamiliar silence had come instead.

"What?" Reid asked as all eyes fell on him.

"Y-You didn't yell Spence." JJ said being the one to break the silence.

"Oh!" He replied as it sunk in. "Well that's because what Emily said there isn't my name, although it sounds the same it isn't my name."

"He's right," Seaver affirmed as she read from the other side of Morgan. "It's spelled differently."

"That's good news." Rossi said. "Now we don't have to cover our ears."

**"What do you think?"**

**"I guess you have a point. If you ask me I say JJ is fantasizing about you-know-who again."**

**Derek chuckled. "I say we hatch a plan to get our two lovebirds together."**

"Awww..." Garcia murmured. "I can't believe I'm not in this type of plan."

Blake's gaze went from Rossi to Hotch. "So one of you two is the other main character."

"It most certainly isn't me." Hotch said. "For one, I'm happily with Beth; and two, I have millions of tasks that are scrutinized by Strauss believe me when I say I do _not_ want to add another one."

"Well it can't be me," Rossi shot back. "I'm practically the one who invented those fraternization rules."

"Does there have to be a pairing in _all_ of these stories?" JJ grumbled exasperatedly.

"Well that future story didn't have one," Seaver replied. "Although it did imply one with you and Will, but hey, at least that was close to the truth... actually that might be as close to the truth as it gets."

"A pairing isn't included in every fanfiction story out there," Kevin clarified. "But... well to put it simply I'd say nine out of every ten stories include a pairing."

**The three shuffled closer to hear and then began setting the plan in motion. Just as the day was coming to an end was when they made their move.**

**Emily had already gone to invite JJ out to the bar for later, so it was Derek's turn to invite Hotch.**

"That still doesn't prove it's me." Hotch stated as everyone shot him a look.

**"Hey Hotch we're all going out for drinks later on tonight, you wanna come?"**

**He paused his paperwork to look up. "Is JJ coming?"**

"It still proves nothing." He repeated, getting annoyed by their glances. "My character is clearly only concerned about her, which is completely normal for me to do."

Rossi wasn't in denial like his friend was and he knew by now that he wasn't the second main character; but he figured by now the rest of the group already knew that too."

**Derek had to contain his smirk. "Yup."**

**Then I'm coming."**

**Later on that day Hotch had begun getting ready to meet the team. His son was over at a friend's house so he could have the entire night to himself. Right as he reached his car Beth appeared.**

That line greatly relieved Hotch. "It's as I said before; I am happily with Beth. I told you that my character was only concerned for JJ."

And yet, still everyone remained unconvinced.

**Immediately Hotch sighed. "Yes?"**

**"So why haven't you returned my calls huh? And where do you think you're going? Well answer me?"**

**Hotch resisted another sigh. "Beth we've been separated for 6 months now."**

"What?" Hotch said incredulously.

"Hah! I told you!" Rossi taunted suddenly sounding like a ten-year old boy. "You're the second main character."

"If you were here as long as I was you'd know these fanfiction stories _never_ go how you'd want them to." Will added.

**She twitched in a creepy way. "No we didn't we just chose to take a break remember?"**

**This time he sighed. "And I told you a week after that that it wasn't working out and that the break-up was permanent."**

**She smiled creepily. "Oh no you poor thing I'm not mad at you, so no need to make lies up."**

Morgan chuckled. "They're portraying her so stupidly; I mean she sounds like some psycho stalker. No offense Hotch."

"Offense taken."

**"Beth I have to go, I'll see you later." He quickly entered the car and drove like a bat out of hell away from there. That woman had issues. **

"Wow, this is worse than the stuff they write about Will." Reid said.

"No Spencer, nothing is worse than the stuff they write about me."

**He arrived at the bar and made his way inside. The team had already arrived and were waiting on him.**

**"So you finally came." Derek said.**

**"Yeah I'm here." Hotch replied. He narrowed his eyes slightly when he noticed a man trying to talk to JJ, but immediately smiled at how she brushed him off.**

Hotch rubbed his forehead in attempt to control the impending headache. "Kevin, since you're the expert on Fanfiction dot net I'll ask you; why am I being paired up with JJ when she's married and I'm in a relationship already?"

"I've seen this type of thing a lot. Authors tend to replace most cannon stuff with what they themselves want."

"Um... cannon?" Seaver repeated.

"Cannon basically means what's currently happening in the original plot of a fandom; in our case, what's happening in reality."

"It's definitely good to have an expert here, Kevin." JJ said as she gave him a pat on his shoulder. "Without you we'd be so lost."

**JJ noticed Hotch's stare and quickly averted her eyes. He was looking so good and she felt like drooling.**

JJ shook her head as couple of snickers made their way to her ears.

**Emily turned to nudge Derek. "It's working; bringing them out here was a great idea."**

**"I told you so. Now all we have to do is wait for the magic to happen." He said before going up to Hotch. "JJ is looking nice right?"**

**Hotch nodded eying JJ. "She is one smoking, fly woman." **

The real one furrowed his brows in complete confusion. "What? Can someone elaborate what I just said?"

"It means you think she's hot." Morgan clarified.

"Since when does boss man talk like a douche?" Garcia questioned.

**Deciding he couldn't wait anymore he began making his way over to her, causing the others to grin. "Hey, enjoying yourself?"**

**Before JJ could respond a high pitched voice called her boss' name. "Oh great." She said.**

**The unit chief frowned at the woman approaching him. "Do I have to file a restraining order on you Beth?"**

Hotch clenched his fists, clearly bothered by his girlfriend's depiction. "Unbelievable."

"You know, I've only seen her a few times and I know enough to know she isn't some crazy stalker." Blake said with a shake of her head.

Seaver crossed her arms. "Does Fanfiction dot net allow anyone to be an author?"

Rossi placed a hand to her shoulder. "Sadly, kiddo, I think it does."

**Beth pointed an accusing finger at JJ. "Stay away from my man you home-wrecker!"**

**"Shut up slut!" JJ fired back.**

"Uh oh, cat fight." Morgan joked.

JJ rolled her eyes. "Grow up Derek."

**Hotch flashed his ID at one of the security there and in moments Beth was tossed out the door and onto the alley, where she landed on some puke.**

"You still think it's not worse than you Will?" Reid asked.

"I don't know... at this point it's reached the level of 'debatable'."

"Mine is worse than both of them," Kevin joined. "My character was shot like a hundred times."

**"Jeez what did you ever see in her?" **

**Hotch sighed. "I don't even know. I guess since the girl I wanted was off limits I settled for less."**

**JJ tried not to let the jealousy show. "Who did you like?"**

**This was it. It was time. "You."**

"Dun dun dun!" Morgan joked again only to be cuffed upside the head by JJ.

"Thank you." Hotch said.

"Anytime." She replied.

**JJ gasped. "Me?" **

**"Yes, I'm sorry if this is sudden to you, but the truth is I'm crazy about you. I still am. So I was hoping maybe now that Will is out the picture we can go out sometime?"**

**JJ wasted no time in pulling him down for a kiss.**

"It's been less than a week that Will left me and I'm already jumping Hotch's bones," JJ groaned as the headache from before began creeping back. "Well my character has sure outdone herself this time."

Will placed his hands on her shoulders and gently massaged them. This earned him a contented sigh from her.

**"It worked!" Derek cheered as he high fived Emily and Reed.**

**"Thank God." Emily said.**

**They laughed as Hotch's hand disappeared under JJ's shirt.**

"Jesus," Rossi said. "You're like a pair of horny monkeys... under an aphrodisiac... during mating season."

"And why the hell are we just watching them making out?" Morgan added. "That's seriously creepy."

"This story is one big train wreck isn't it," Blake commented.

**"Wanna take this back to my place?" Hotch asked.**

**"Definitely."**

**End.**

"That was awful just awful." Morgan said as he practically jumped off the chair. "I did my hell, now it's someone else's turn."

Kevin smirked. "Shall we vote on it again?"

Morgan made an 'X' sign with his arms. "Oh no you don't. Since I read I get to decide on how we'll settle this."

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**No I don't think Beth's a psycho, nor do I dislike her. She makes Hotch happy and I for one think he deserves happiness given everything that's happened to him. I decided on doing a Jotch story because it's a popular pairing in this fandom. I'm neutral to the pairing but I have read some good ones featuring them. I just stay away from the ones that butcher Will and the ones that butcher Beth.  
**


	15. Chapter 15

**Alright I'm back for one more of these! They're just too fun. The category I'll be touching this time is one I'm pretty sure you're familiar with. Also it was requested a couple of times as well.**

**Fanfiction Trauma **

* * *

**And thanks **_Motaku1235_** for being my 300th reviewer! I can't believe I'm getting so many reviews.**

* * *

Chapter 15: Kidnapped! A Reid-Whump Fic

The tables had turned and now Morgan was holding the key to Pandora's Box. This fact only served to terrify the others.

"So, what is your plan?" Reid asked hesitantly.

This caused Morgan's eyes to glint with mischief. "Hmm... well there's a bunch of scenarios playing in my head."

"Have mercy my handsome man." Garcia pleaded.

Morgan turned to her and grinned. "Oh no way angel face, I am so gonna enjoy this."

"That's what we were afraid of." Rossi replied.

"Here's how it'll work," Morgan began as he walked over to where Henry and Jack were.

"What are you doing?" Hotch asked.

"Yeah what gives?" Will added.

"Oh nothing, I'm just getting a little bit of help with picking out a reader." He said before turning to the boys. "Say guys, what do you say to helping out your best friend Derek?"

The two boys glanced at each other before facing him and nodding exuberantly.

"Good, good." Morgan said. "So tell me guys, who would you like to have read a story to us grown-ups?"

"Mommy!" Henry cried out happily.

"I want dad to read!" Jack said as excitedly.

Another day JJ and Hotch would've jumped at the chance to read a story if their kid asked, but this was definitely not one of those days.

"That's my boy!" Will cheered happily once he knew he wasn't selected to read. "I knew from day one you'd make me proud."

JJ elbowed him. "Thanks for being supportive."

Hotch merely placed a hand on the bridge of his nose. He was definitely going add extra paperwork for Morgan once this ordeal was finished.

Morgan turned to JJ and Hotch. "Looks like we have a predicament here; to settle this and pick out a reader... I propose a fight to the death."

At their pointed glances he chuckled. "I'm only messing with you guys. Just 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' it out already."

Hotch paused to think. "How does that one go again?"

"Hotch!" They all grumbled.

After Seaver filled him in on the rules, and after hearing a long rant from Reid over how a rock can break both the paper and scissors with proper time, Hotch and JJ positioned themselves for the challenge.

The unit chief and ex media liaison shared a stare down before Morgan began the dramatic and unnecessary introduction.

He gestured JJ first. "Fighting in this corner we have our blond stunner, Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau!" Then he beckoned Hotch. "And in this corner we have our boss, Aaron 'Gives no Breaks' Hotchner!"

All but Hotch -whom shot him a glare- laughed at his presentations. "Ready... one, two, three!"

The hand gestures we're made before Hotch and JJ unleashed their weapon of choice.

JJ frowned as she eyed the Scissor's kryptonite: rock. "Darn."

"And we have a winner!" Kevin said as he held Hotch's arm up.

To say that Hotch was grateful not to be reading was an understatement.

"Oooh tough luck sugar." Garcia murmured as she patted her friend's back in a comforting manner.

The trek to the chair for JJ, felt like miles. Just thinking about what pile of junk she'd find was enough to make her nauseous. Right as she reached it a hand was placed on her shoulder; pausing to turn around she was met with her husband's pair of blue eyes. "Will?"

Will smiled. "I'll read."

The room shot him surprised looks.

"That's total suicide." Reid said.

"Do you have a death wish?" Seaver added.

"Are you sure?" JJ asked.

Will grinned. "Yeah, I got this one."

"Being a knight in shining armor for the lady huh," Kevin said with a nod of approval. "I can totally dig that."

"Awww..." Garcia murmured. "How sweet."

"You're very brave son." Rossi said as the detective sat down.

JJ placed a grateful kiss to his cheek. "You are the man of my dreams, despite what fanfiction stories say."

"I'm starting to have doubts on finding a good story." Blake said.

"I'm having doubts on there even being a good story." Rossi replied.

"That's not true." Kevin said. "I've read several good stories."

"What category do you read Kevin?" Blake asked curiously. "If you don't mind me asking that is."

"No not at all Alex. I have a lot of stuff I read. I read a lot of Star Trek so I'm a bit of a Trekkie; but I also read a lot of Doctor Who and Star Wars."

"And you're positive you've found good stories?" She couldn't help but ask.

"I'm positive Alex."

"Got one." Will announced and the adults huddled together to hear the story.

**Strength**

"Interesting..." Rossi murmured. "Or that is what I would've said if I had just gotten here."

**By Mrs****LaMontagne **

JJ twitched but said nothing.

**Summary: First off I wanna say I love Will and he's my favorite character from Criminal Minds.**

The detective smiled in flattery. "Well, nice to finally get some appreciation for a change."

**God he's so sexy and hot! JJ doesn't deserve him and doesn't love him as much as I do.**

"What?" JJ barked.

"This is like the only story that flatters me but... why did it have to be some love-struck girl?" Will murmured.

"So is this summary going to tell us anything relevant to the story?" Blake asked. "Or is just going to continue paying homage to Will?"

**Anyways, onto the story. There's an unsub terrorizing people in Idaho. He's kidnapping and killing his victims. It's up to the BAU to stop him!**

"Well at least I won't be the one doing the kidnapping, since I'm a favorite of the author." Will pointed out.

**Oh yeah it will also contain whump.**

"What does whump mean?" Garcia asked.

"It's not something I'm familiar with." Seaver replied.

"It means a dull thudding sound." Reid answered.

"So this story is going to contain... dull thudding sounds?" Rossi questioned confusedly.

"Actually, 'whump' has a completely different meaning in Fanfiction dot net." Kevin said.

"Kevin to the rescue," Garcia replied. "So, tell us what it means."

"It's a term used to describe physical and/or mental abuse laid on a character in a story, which is usually followed by some dramatic comeback from said character." Kevin explained. "This was a genre that was commonly seen amongst the Stargate section with Daniel Jackson being the most used character."

"So I wonder who our mystery character is." Blake said.

"Oh I'm dying to know..." Rossi muttered in an uninterested manner.

**The team was inside the conference room where Garcia had been briefing them.**

**"It looks like we're headed to Idaho." Rossi said.**

**"Okay, wheels up in thirty."**

**Reid****—**

"Aaahh!"

"Good thing we anticipated that one." Rossi joked as he noticed everyone had dodged the yell.

"It's too bad this author spelled Reid's name right." Garcia said.

"Sorry guys." Reid murmured. "I guess I still can't control it."

Seaver patted his shoulder. "Don't sweat it Reid. It isn't your fault this happened, blame the corny fanfiction stories instead."

He smiled at her. "Thanks Ashley. I needed that."

**sat on the plane in the back. He'd been feeling so left out. He felt so hopeless and weak. He was such a loser.**

"Surely you don't think like that, right?" Will asked.

"Of course not," Reid reassured him. "Sure I may sometimes get doubtful but this story is just portraying it in an exaggerated manner."

**He didn't know why he was here. But then it was a miracle he'd even gotten the job.**

**When they arrived he and Rossi headed to the last crime scene while the rest went to the ME and the police station respectively.**

**"He doesn't seem to have any preferences." Rossi said. "He kills both men and women."**

**"I guess." The younger agent muttered in a pathetic tone.**

Reid couldn't help the slight annoyance at his portrayal in the story. "Has there even been any indication as to why I'm being overly emotional?"

"Do these guys ever put any effort into their stories?" Garcia wondered aloud.

**But Rossi was too preoccupied with the crime scene that he didn't notice. A fact that relieved his colleague.**

**The two profilers had no clue the unsub had been sneaking up behind them.**

"It's a trap!" Reid joked making the other members of the nerd trio and Will laugh.

"All these 'unsub sneaking on us unexpectedly' stories make us look like complete idiots." Morgan groaned. "We aren't profilers because of our flashy badges, no, it's because we adapt to our environment and we're not easily duped."

"Amen." Garcia said with a few claps.

**He bashed Rossi on the head and knocked him out.**

"I think this is the second story where I've been knocked out," Rossi pointed out with a shake of his head. "Lord, help these children so they may one day learn how to write a story."

"Don't forget Reid is there," Blake said. "I'm sure he'll get this unsub."

**He then knocked the poor genius out too.**

"Well," Blake said. "I guess I stand corrected."

"How a single unsub took two FBI agents out is beyond me." Hotch exclaimed in disbelief.

"Makes you wonder what other impossibilities these authors have made possible in their junk stories." Seaver said.

**The man then dragged Reid—**

"Aaahh!"

**to the van he'd parked out a few yards back. This was going all according to plan.**

"I'd never allow someone to kidnap Reid." Rossi stated.

**Hours later and the profiler awakened to an unfamiliar place. The darkness was scaring him. He didn't think he could handle this.**

"So I'm guessing the one getting... er, whumped, is Reid, right?" Garcia asked.

"Why am I in all these stories? Am I a favorite in this Criminal Minds show or something?"

"You probably are Spencer." Kevin replied.

"Yeah right," Morgan interjected. "I'm probably the favorite."

**"So you're awake?" A scary voice said.**

**The voice sent shivers down his spine. This was so bad and his hands were trembling.**

**Elsewhere...**

**"What do you mean he took Reid?"**

"Aaahh!"

**Hotch asked angrily.**

**"I mean he was taken!" Rossi retorted, he didn't want to waste time repeating himself.**

**"We have to track him down!" JJ said frantically.**

**"I can't believe we didn't notice he wasn't acting like himself." Blake added.**

Blake's eyes widened slightly at that. "I'm actually in a story."

"Finally." Garcia said. "It's about time people notice you're a part of our family. I just hope you aren't made to be OOC."

**"We've been neglecting him." Derek muttered angrily.**

**"Hang on..." Rossi murmured as it hit him. "I think we could get Penelope to track his cell."**

**"I'm way ahead of you." Hotch said as he had already dialed her.**

"I'd really like an explanation as to why Reid is being all emo." Morgan said.

"Yeah kind of a plot hole if you ask me." Kevin replied.

"I can't believe this author wrote us as not taking notice to Spence's behavior." JJ said with a frown.

"I know right," Garcia agreed. "I'm always keeping my loves under watch," she paused to ruffle Reid's hair. "Especially my baby here."

"Garcia..." He grumbled sheepishly as he fixed the bangs that had obscured his vision.

**Back at the unknown location the unsub had just finished beating on the poor agent.**

Reid narrowed his eyes at how this was beginning to bring back unpleasant memories. A reassuring hand on his shoulder from his unit chief served to alleviate all those thoughts.

**"Why are you doing this?" He managed to utter weakly.**

**"Because it's fun." The sadistic man replied as he pulled out his knife.**

**"Who are you?"**

**The man chuckled. "I guess since I'm gonna waste you there's no harm in telling you." He pulled his ski mask off and caused the agent to gasp in surprise.**

**"Kevin?"**

"Are you kidding me?!"

"And this story has officially gone down stupid lane." Garcia said.

"I've had enough of these authors thinking I'm a sick unsub." Kevin snapped. "Not once has it ever crossed my mind to kidnap, torture, or do any other crap they have me doing in these stories to another person. I love my job and have no intention of going to prison where I'll be some prisoner's barbie."

Will chuckled. "You tell'em man."

**"Yes it's me."**

**"But why?"**

**"Cause I can't stand any of you, because of you guys Penelope won't spend time with me."**

"Jesus Christ," Kevin muttered. He'd never thought he'd hear a stupider thing. "Does this fangirl know that I'm a grown man and not some kid in a sandbox?"

"I'm beginning to think the kid in the sandbox is the one who wrote this story." Seaver joked.

"More like the kid in the sandbox is the one who made this entire website." Rossi added with a laugh.

"Yeah, after he'd snatched some beer off his father's hiding spot." Morgan joined in.

"And hit his head in the process." Garcia concluded.

The occupants all shared a laugh at the silly theory.

**The door burst open and all the other agents burst inside.**

**"Drop it or I'll blow your brains out!" Rossi shouted.**

"Why does this sound so familiar?" JJ murmured.

**"Do what he says!" Blake yelled.**

**"Never!" Kevin retorted. He grabbed his knife—**

"Please no..." Kevin grumbled as he realized where this was headed to.

**and charged in.**

**The agents all opened fired on him and emptied their clips on him.**

Hotch raised a brow at the uncharacteristic use of violence but chose not to point it out.

"I knew I was gonna get shot."

**Quickly JJ rushed over and untied Reid—**

"Aaahh!"

**before pulling him into a hug. "God I'm so sorry."**

**He smiled. "It's okay... I knew you'd all come and save me."**

**From then on the team swore to themselves that they'd never ignore him ever again. They'd look out for each other.**

**End. If you review Hotch will enter your house and sex you up ;)**

"I shall do no such thing." Hotch said in pure disgust.

"Man this girl is bent." Garcia added.

"That's the understatement of the year." Kevin replied.

"And they never did explain why Reid was feeling like he was." Morgan exclaimed.

Will hopped off the chair. "And that's my turn. So it looks like I'm gonna be the one who decides who to pick out next."

Suddenly the doorbell rang.

Reid sighed. "Okay Morgan, who did you call now?"

"Hey, I swear it wasn't me this time." Morgan replied.

"Really?" JJ questioned incredulously.

"Yeah," he confirmed. "I didn't call anyone."

"Were you expecting anyone Reid?" Hotch asked.

"No, I wasn't." He answered leaving them pondering on just who it could be.

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**Heheh so who's our mystery guest? I'll let you know in the next chapter. Although I hope I don't make you wait much. Oh, and by the way Reid, you have no idea how much of a fan favorite you are. **


	16. Chapter 16

**Man I love writing these stories. So onto the story; about the topic I'm gonna be touching in this chapter... it's eh, one I've seen a few times and not just on the Criminal Minds fandom. So prepare to be freaked out.**

**Fanfiction Trauma**

* * *

**Warning! Proceed with caution.**

**You have been warned...**

* * *

Chapter 16: A Horror Called Mpreg

"You sure you weren't expecting anyone Reid?" Blake asked.

"Completely positive." He assured.

"Oh this is ridiculous!" Garcia groaned in an exasperated manner. "It's probably some stupid sales guy. Everyone stay here," she huffed as she stomped out. "I'll get it!"

"She scares me sometimes." Reid said as he cowered behind JJ.

"Join the club." Rossi added.

"I happen to love that about her." Kevin sighed dreamily.

"Hey Morgan, if I find out you called someone you'll regret it." Reid said.

"Oh I'm petrified." Morgan mocked with fake fear.

"Alright boys," JJ cut in. "Break it up."

Right then Garcia had opened the door. The scowl she had dissipated upon seeing the face. Her jaw dropped and she yelled in surprise.

The tech's scream had the team and everyone else but Kevin -who was ordered to watch the children- rushing out the door. They burst through the room at once, almost stumbling over one another in the process.

"Freeze!" They all shouted with Reid and Hotch donning their firearm.

"Jesus, I come in peace!" The frightened visitor from London said while holding her hands up.

It took a moment for it to sink in. After a few seconds of silence the room erupted into excited yells.

"Emily!"

Soon said woman became tackled with a barrage of hugs; with Hotch's hug being the only one that was controlled.

"I knew somehow I'd get you here!" Morgan exclaimed as he nearly lifted her off the ground with his bone crushing bear hug.

"What brings you here?" Hotch asked with a rare smile.

"Yeah, uh... surprise." Emily answered as she scratched her head awkwardly. "Or... that's how it was supposed to go."

JJ sighed in relief when everything had been cleared out. "Hey Kevin the cost is clear."

Kevin appeared in the room with the two boys by his side. Upon seeing their new visitor they all rushed over to her, similar to the adults, and latched onto her.

"Emily it's you!" They cried happily.

Emily smiled and kneeled down to embrace the two boys. "I'm so happy to see you boys. Wow, have you boys gotten taller? You sure look it."

"Really, thanks!" Jack replied as he soaked the compliment up.

"It's cos' daddy gives me lots of cereal." Henry added.

"What happened Emily?" Reid asked.

This caused her to frown. "You wouldn't believe how hard it is to surprise you people. First I went to the BAU to surprise you guys and imagine my surprise when I find out you actually got a day off; then, I go to Rossi's and find out he's not there. I went to JJ's and she's not there either so finally I head to Reid's, only to find all of you here... and some extras. Although, it is good to see everyone."

"Funny," Seaver said. "I was just talking about you a while ago; how it'd be nice if you were here. I'm glad you came."

Emily couldn't help but smile at that. "Me too, and it's good to see you again Ashley." She eyed Blake. "You must be Alex Blake. Nice to see you in person."

"Likewise." Blake said with a handshake.

"This is just amazing!" Garcia cheered. "I can't believe you're here angel! The family is now complete. We're going to have so much fun like as if you'd never left!"

"That was the plan Penelope."

A dark idea suddenly popped into Morgan's head. He coughed dramatically and successfully got their attention. "Hey Em, I got the perfect bonding activity we can do to kick things off."

JJ shot daggers at him. "Are you serious Derek?! She must be exhausted from her flight and you want to show her _that_?"

"Yeah man," Kevin agreed. "Not cool."

"Besides I thought it was my turn to pick a reader out." Will complained like a ten-year old.

"You'll pick the next one out man." Morgan replied. "Right now I want to show Emily this."

Emily grinned and wondered what sort of thing Morgan was scheming. "I'm not exhausted or anything like that. Let's do this."

Morgan smirked. "That's my girl."

"So what is everyone doing here anyways?" Emily asked as they headed to the room. "Is this some sort of house party? Because if it is then I'd suggest we take it to Rossi's."

"Nah it ain't a house party," Will answered with a chuckle. "We just all crashed here because of Derek."

"Why am I not surprised?"

Morgan beckoned the laptop. "Feast your eyes on this."

"Oh... it's a laptop."

"Wrong, it's Fanfiction dot net." Morgan corrected.

"Am I supposed to know what that is?"

"It's this website where anyone can post stories on their favorite movie or TV show."

Emily sighed. "You want to check a website out?"

"But it isn't just any website," Kevin added from his spot. "There are stories that include all of us."

"You mean us as in 'us'?" Emily asked.

Morgan placed his hands on her shoulders and guided her to the chair. "Why don't you read one for yourself?"

After Kevin had explained everything they'd read and the special vocabulary they'd witness it was safe to assume Emily was creeped out. A part of her was telling her to just run and immediately book the first flight back to London; and yet, the daring side of her wanted to take up the challenge. And so she did. Minutes later she'd landed on one.

"Found one."

**The Miracles of Life**

"Children." Will stated as he sent his son a loving smile.

Hotch couldn't agree more as he eyed his son happily playing with Henry.

**By BlakeRocks32**

A sheepish smile crossed the agent's face at that line. "How flattering."

**Summary: There's nothing better for two people who love each than bringing a baby into their lives.**

"Heh," Will smirked. "I couldn't agree more."

**This will include Morgan and Reid—**

"Aaahh!"

"Jesus, are you trying to blow my eardrums out?" Emily hissed as she rubbed her ears.

"Oops, I'm sorry Emily." Reid apologized.

"Sorry for not warning you about that." JJ said. She placed a hand on Reid's back. "Our whole encounter with this site has left Reid here with what Rossi has diagnosed as Fanfiction-itis."

"It causes him to yell involuntary whenever his name is mentioned in Fanfiction dot net." Seaver added. "Poor guy didn't ask for any of this."

"Geez... you should get that checked out." Emily said with a worried tone.

"He will." Hotch replied before Reid could protest.

**Slash.**

"No!" Morgan and Reid cried.

"Yes!" Garcia cheered.

Rossi groaned. "Emily you just had to land on this one didn't you?"

"Hey whoa," Emily defended with her hands up. "I had no idea this would include that."

"Why me cruel world?" Reid mumbled.

**Mpreg.**

"What's 'Mpreg'?" Emily said as she read over the summary again, having not noticed Kevin look up suddenly, the largest and most horrified expression covering his face.

"Have mercy Emily!" Kevin practically begged as his horrified expression grew. "This is just too much!"

"What is it?" Seaver asked, getting cold feet all of a sudden.

"It's so wrong, so sick, I-I, dear Lord..." Was all he managed to utter before poor Kevin passed out.

The group immediately shuffled towards him with Will catching him before he fell.

Garcia then placed his head to rest gently on her lap. "My God, what happened?"

Will examined the body. "It's alright he just passed out. Poor guy, he must've been put into some sort of shock."

"I think it's safe to say we should just skip this story." Rossi pointed out.

"But that would go against all we've decided on since starting this ordeal." Reid replied.

"Daddy, is Kevin sleeping?" Henry asked.

"Er... yeah. He's just tired." Will answered before turning to Reid. "Hey Spencer, you got a place where he can rest."

"Uh... yeah! The couch," he quickly answered and motioned for him to follow. "Put him in the couch."

"Derek, give me a hand will ya," the detective said as he began lifting his friend up.

"Got ya," Morgan replied and the two were able to lay Kevin onto the couch in Reid's living room.

Garcia eyed him sadly before placing a small kiss on his forehead. "Don't worry Kevin; whatever this 'Mpreg' is that freaked you out can't hurt you anymore. Just sleep it off."

Back at the room the adults were having second thoughts on whether they should read this story.

"I can take it guys," Emily said. "We've been dealt with worse haven't we?"

"The rules do say we can't stop once we've begun, so regardless we're stuck with it." JJ added. "It looks like we'll just have to figure out for ourselves what this 'Mpreg' is."

**The two laid Derek's bed on their free day. The two lovers were glad to be lying next to each other. Derek had his arm draped around his lover's abdomen.**

Reid grimaced. "Abdomen..." That sentence just sounded really wrong.

"Oh God, this is gross." Morgan muttered.

"I'm so glad the fans of this crappy show hate me enough to only portray me as an unsub." Will stated.

"Lucky." Rossi mumbled to himself.

**"Our baby will be great." Derek said. "Hope it's a boy."**

**Reid—**

"Aaahh!"

**raised a brow. "Oh, so you want a boy?"**

**"Well... heh yeah." Derek said as nuzzled his neck.**

"Aw man, a kid," Morgan grumbled, slumping his shoulders. "It's bad enough it's slash, but I don't want to think about me and Reid as parents... well, maybe it'll at least take the focus off the slash. How are we getting this kid? Adoption? Surrogacy? You know what I don't care how, just please take the focus away from the slash... please..."

"Hey," Henry cut in. "Where do babies come from?"

The room silenced.

"Uh... honey, why don't you continue playing with Jack?" JJ said. She was definitely not having this conversation now.

**This caused the other to giggle like a schoolgirl.**

"Hah!" Morgan laughed.

Reid on the other hand hated his depiction.

**"I know we'll be great parents"**

**"Hopefully it has my eyes." Derek said with a smile.**

**"Yeah, you're eyes and my hair."**

"Impossible." Reid stated. "There can only be one dad, depending on who the sperm donor is. I of all people should know, I have an IQ of 187."

"This was clearly written by a thirteen-year old girl who doesn't get out much." Rossi said.

**They had a great relationship together and maintained it for five years. Although, Derek always took the dominant role.**

"LALALA! DON'T WANT TO KNOW THAT!" Reid yelled, slamming his hands to his ears.

Morgan stuck his head out the window for air."Oh God I feel so sick!"

Blake raised a brow. "These kids should be supervised while writing these stories."

"Or, they should pick up another hobby." Rossi added.

**That was the reason to how this blessing had happened.**

As calm and collected as Hotch naturally was, he couldn't help but narrow his eyes. That sentence just sounded... so wrong.

**Derek laid his head on his lover's engorged belly. He could feel the life inside kicking.**

Reid's eyes dilated to the point where some thought of going over there and shoving his eyes back into place.

And everyone froze.

The group's expressions kept going from confused to disgust. Even the stoic unit chief had several emotions on his face.

"But wait," Jack spoke. "I always thought only girls can have babies?" Beside him Henry nodded his head.

Nobody dared to answer that.

**Reid was going to have Derek's baby. This was what he had always wanted.**

"W-Wha..." Reid just couldn't form coherent words. The scream that had always come after his name was mentioned hadn't come. At this point he was beyond any yelling.

**It may have been unplanned, but a blessing nonetheless.**

"W-Wh-Wha..." It was as if the genius had been deprived of his ability to talk.

**It was almost time for the baby to come. He heard stories on how it was a very difficult and painful process, but it'd be worth it.**

And that had been Reid's boiling point. "You sick twisted girl!" He charged towards the screen, but his legs gave away and he fell halfway. "How can someone do this? Why?!" He choked back a sob, begging to god that at the very least the process would be taken care of by a C-Section.

JJ kneeled by him. "Spence!"

"Dear Lord," Emily breathed out. "This is so sick and—" She couldn't even finish her speech.

All went to chaos afterwards.

Morgan buried his head in the waste can by the window and puked his head out. Rossi had calmly excused himself to the bathroom to do what everyone assumed was puke. Will began holding his breath in the hopes that he'd make himself pass out. Hotch remained as stone faced as ever but in the inside he was going crazy.

Seaver closed her eyes shut and attempted to find her happy place. Blake began taking deep breaths to calm herself. Garcia was on the verge of a panic attack. Emily was having horrible luck trying to book a flight back home.

And poor Reid began reciting the numbers of pi to block out the images.

Emily decided then that it was up to her to finish this hell so her friends could regain their sanity.

The only composed individuals were the children

**Suddenly Reid felt a wetness in his lower region**.** His water had just broken. "My baby is coming!"**

**Derek immediately dialed for the hospital.**

"Where is it even coming from?" Garcia asked.

The statement only made Morgan puke harder. "Babygirl I don't want to imagine— damn it! I'm imagining it!"

"3.14159265359..." Reid continued mumbling the numbers of pi and refused to let his mind wander anywhere else.

At that moment Rossi had he reentered the room, looking like a zombies as the color in his face was gone. "These little girls and their horrible imaginations. Clearly they have yet to take a sexual education class."

Emily stopped reading for a moment to click the author's username and browse through her profile."Says here she's twenty-three."

"Goodness, humanity is screwed."

_*THUMP*_

Everyone turned to Will who had just succeeded in knocking himself out.

"Wow!" Henry cheered. "Daddy fell asleep standing!"

"That weasel takeover is starting to become vividly clear now." Rossi said.

"Tell me about it," Garcia agreed.

**The ambulance soon came, and loaded Reid into the back with Derek never letting go of his lover's hand.**

**"I'm so scared Derek."**

**"Don't worry baby, I'll be here with you."**

**They had to inform their friends eventually, Derek knew that, but all he could think of right now was the love of his life.**

**End of chapter 1**

"Jesus," Emily gasped. "This has fifteen chapters!"

"Get out of this horrible story!" Garcia said.

She didn't need to be told twice as she clicked the 'back' button. Immediately afterwards she jumped off the chair as if it were acid. "I did my turn so someone else go."

"Ohhh..."

A groan caught their attention and they turned to see Kevin in the doorway.

"Hey guys... what I miss?"

* * *

**Author's Notes.**

**Mpreg is most certainly not my cup of tea... but whatever floats your boat. Don't worry guys, everyone will live... somehow.  
**


	17. Chapter 17

**Thanks for the reviews guys; that's the fuel to my engines. Luckily for you guys (and the CM guys) I don't think it gets any weirder than Mpreg... at least, I don't think it does.**

**Fanfiction Trauma**

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**I see a couple of peeps have requested a Maeve story. Unfortunately I don't think I could do that seeing as how this is a comedy story. There isn't anything comical about Maeve's story, nor can I make any sort of parody because it will destroy the entire atmosphere I'm trying to establish. The same goes for Haley Hotchner.**

* * *

Chapter 17: Gary Stu

"Kevin!" Garcia cried happily as she ran over to embrace him. "I'm glad you're okay!"

Kevin scratched his head to think. "What happened? I can only remember when Emily arrived, after that it's blank."

"Believe me son, you ought to be thankful." Rossi said, cringing as remnants from the story threatened to resurface.

"We should all be so thankful," Seaver added, still disturbed by what was read. "I mean we _actually_ lived."

"I agree." Hotch replied.

"Jesus..." Morgan groaned as he finally lifted his head from the waste can where it'd been buried. "I think I just barfed my entire insides out. Seriously, I feel emptier than a model." He weakly stood up and leaned on the wall for support.

Blake rubbed a soothing hand over his back to try and alleviate his pain. "Easy Morgan."

He smiled. "Thanks Blake, I think I feel a bit better now."

At that moment Will had begun gaining consciousness. He opened his eyes and peered at the screen in complete horror. "Is it... is it over?"

"Yes," JJ answered as she crouched by him to inspect him. "Are you okay?"

"Yep, except my head is killing me." Will said. True to his word, a bump was visible on his forehead.

"Oh yeah sorry about that buddy," Morgan apologized. "None of us caught you so you pretty much landed face first onto the ground."

"Although given the circumstances you can't really blame us." Rossi said.

"I see..." Will said and winced as he rubbed the bruise. "Ouch."

"Don't," JJ berated him by swatting his hand away. "It'll only make it worse."

"Mommy, you should kiss daddy's boo-boo." Henry suggested. "That always makes me feel better."

JJ chuckled before placing a kiss on her husband's forehead. "Better now?"

The detective grinned. "Much."

"Well..." Emily interrupted, catching their attention. "I think I'll just be on my way now. So uh... yeah, don't forget to write."

"No way, you can't just leave!" Garcia protested. "They're not all horrible you know; in fact Kevin told us that he's read tons of good ones."

"That's right I have."

"And besides, none of us are allowed to leave. Those are the rules." Rossi added.

Hotch was inwardly glad that someone had voiced his thoughts, because if he wasn't allowed to leave then she wouldn't either.

"Yeah," Morgan said. "And don't tell me you could just walk away from Reid and his condition."

"Look at him Emily," Garcia said as she motioned the man huddled up in the corner, still visibly disturbed. "He just went through the worst mental torture."

Emily eyed the frail man before glancing at the door. It was about a few feet away and looked oh so tempting. She then turned to the group, whom we're staring at her expectantly.

Although she knew it wouldn't get any better; knew she'd regret it; and knew she could easily leave, the truth was this was her family. Visitations didn't come very often. So with a heavy heart and a conscious that told her otherwise, Emily made her decision.

"Okay... I'll, God forbid, stay and see this through with you guys to the end. I guess no matter how bad it gets I can't just leave you with these stories."

"Alright Emily!" JJ cheered as she gave her a high five.

Garcia pulled her for a hug. "I knew you wouldn't leave us!"

"Hey that reminds me..." Will muttered before turning to the group. "It's my turn to pick out a reader."

"Oh right, it is." Seaver said as she recalled the incident.

"I think since Emily just read she shouldn't have to be included in this." Will exclaimed.

"Bless you." Emily replied gratefully.

"So okay everyone, I'm thinking of a number from one to thirty, whoever guesses it is our reader." Will explained. "We'll start with you Penelope and so on."

Garcia gulped. "Is it... twelve?"

"Nope, you're lucky. Next!"

Morgan paled; with all the puking he'd done he looked like an expired cucumber. "Uh, is it seven?"

"Yup," Will said before laughing at his horrified expression. "Just messin' with ya. Next!"

"Douche..." Morgan muttered.

JJ sighed as it was her turn. "Four?"

_Shit,_ Will thought. That was the number. He should have known not to use Henry's age as the number. He couldn't let her read. With a cough he quickly fixed his composure. "Nah, that isn't it. Next."

Only JJ had caught his discreet wink, to which she smiled to herself. He was definitely the man of her dreams.

Rossi took his time pondering for a number before finally coming to a decision. "Nine?"

"Ooooh tough luck, looks like you're our winner."

"It can't be!" Rossi gasped incredulously. "I even profiled you a bit to see which number you would most likely not pick."

"Sorry man, but it's you. Now you're prize is a chance to be our very next reader."

Rossi stomped towards the laptop and took a seat. "Why'd they ever invent these things anyway? Humanity was prospering just fine without them."

"Don't worry Rossi, I have your back." Seaver said with a smile as she stood by his side.

"Thanks kiddo, because I'm going to need someone to make sure I stay sane after this."

"I think we'll all need that." Blake said. "But, I guess it's a good thing we're all here for each other. Can you imagine what this would do to one of us if we'd ventured it alone?"

"You said it sunshine." Garcia agreed. "No one should enter these doors without support."

"How about this one?" Rossi said and the group huddled back to their spots.

**The New Kid**

**By MrsLaMontagne**

JJ scowled as she recalled the name. "Isn't this that girl that wrote the whump story?"

"Oh great," Seaver sighed. "It's Will's fangirl."

"Yes!" Will cheered. "That means I won't be character bashed here."

"But I might," Kevin grumbled. "This author wasn't particularly fond of me."

"Hopefully Reid isn't all emo here like he was in that other one." Morgan added.

**Summary: The BAU is about to welcome their new addition to the team. He's a hot new agent who has a great body to compliment his hawt face.**

Rossi frowned slightly. "This sounds dangerously close to that Mary Sue genre."

"Kevin, what is this?" Hotch asked.

Kevin cringed in disgust and groaned. "Ugh, Gary Stu."

"Gary Stu?" Blake repeated. "It sounds like a total copy of a Mary Sue."

"That's because it_ is _a total copy. A Gary Stu is the male equivalent of a Mary Sue." Kevin began; the part of the group who'd suffered through Emeraldina shuddered. "They're an overly perfect male with extremely manly features, a handsome face, and often times, an overly large... uh... yeah."

"Doesn't sound too bad," Emily smirked.

"Hey princess, you weren't here for the Mary Sue story." Morgan replied. "It isn't as nice as you may think it is."

**But even though he has all that he isn't hotter than Will. He's the hottest man!**

Will sighed. "I'm a bit creeped out by her constant fawning over me."

"No kidding, she's practically drooling." Garcia said.

**Hotch entered the bullpen where the rest of the team had been waiting. It was time for them to meet the new agent. They needed one since JJ wasn't on the team anymore.**

"Thank God," JJ sighed in relief. "That means I won't be included."

"Lucky." Majority of the group groaned.

**"Everyone, I'd like to introduce you to our newest agent. Meet Hansom Jenes."**

Garcia frowned at the name. "Really?"

Morgan felt the sudden urge to puke again at that name. "This crap is worse than that Emeraldina Beautyla story."

Reid cringed. "You just had to bring that up."

**Instantly Emily's and Seaver's jaw dropped.**

"Oh give me a break..." Emily growled.

"How can I be in the team?" Seaver questioned. "If he's JJ's replacement then he's also my replacement. I shouldn't be in this!"

Morgan smirked. "It ain't looking too good for you ladies."

**Hansom was incredibly built and the girls had all been eying him. But somehow he wasn't happy, because he knew what this job does. He hadn't wanted this job but everyone had insisted on it. The president and government had come to his high school and made him join the FBI.**

"This story is beyond ridiculous." Emily said.

"I bet I could write something better." Will grumbled. Suddenly he grinned. "Y'know what I think I'll take myself up on that offer. I'll show these authors how to write a real fanfiction."

JJ facepalmed.

"Yo Rossi, maybe you should write one." Morgan suggested. "Since you're a real author and all."

"I'll stick to publishing books but thanks for the offer."

**It wasn't fair, all he wanted was to spend time and sleep with all the gorgeous women he could find.**

"This story makes Derek look like a virgin who's just decided to be a priest." JJ said.

"Hey, I resent that."

**He didn't want to waste time saving people and hearing their sob stories.**

"Well isn't he a charmer," Rossi joked dryly.

Hotch frowned but chose to say nothing. He knew the character was made up by a girl -whom was possibly a fourteen-year old- but he couldn't help but dislike him. He was glad that he knew better than to allow a shallow person like that onto his team.

**His desk was luckily next to Emily's and across from him was Seaver. He smirked as they had practically been drooling over him.**

Morgan laughed. "This is just priceless!" He earned an elbow shove from both women.

**Penelope had gone to inform them that they had a case. She had almost fainted when she came upon him. He was a billion times hotter than her old boyfriend Kevin.**

"Here we go again!" Kevin snapped.

**She remembered how he'd cried after 5 seconds of sex because he was really gay.**

Kevin went to sob in the corner, which had now been dubbed as the 'Emo Corner'.

"Have any of these guys heard of a book before?" Seaver asked. "Because this is definitely not how you write a story."

**His intelligence proved to be unmatchable as he had single-handedly saved the victim and captured the unsub in that same day. It was such a troublesome task but he managed to get it over with quickly.**

Hotch pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. He couldn't believe the stupidity of this story.

"This guy sounds like a total bag of douche." Garcia said.

"There is no way in hell I'd be getting into bed with this prick." Emily stated with a frown.

**And that's when Emily had fallen irrevocably in love with Hansom.**

Emily slammed her head onto the wall. "Oh the irony; the God damn irony!"

Seaver sighed in complete relief. "Dodged a bullet there... er, no pun intended."

**He approached her when they returned to the BAU. "Hey there." His voice sounded like a cross between Clive Owen and David Beckham.**

Some members of the group couldn't help but chuckle.

**Emily froze and looked at him. She felt herself getting all hot and almost came all over herself.**

"This author needs some serious help." Garcia said.

"She may not be the only one." Hotch said as Emily continued her head banging.

**"Hey." She replied as sexy as she could. She had to get him in her bed. How could she not? He had muscles that would make anyone jealous and such a hot face.**

"Yes, yes we get it already," Emily groaned into the wall. "I can't get enough of this guy, now can we PLEASE get on with the plot!"

"Is there one?" Blake asked no humor in her tone. She was dead serious.

"Has there ever even been a plot with any of the stories?" Seaver added.

**But suddenly a bunch of the other girls that worked there came running up to him because he was sooooo hot! Even some gay guys came running, like Kevin.**

"Ahaha!" Morgan couldn't help but laugh at the mental image.

"I'm not gay!" Kevin snapped from his spot in the corner.

"We know." Hotch assured him. "These authors are just... confused." He chose to use a much gentler word than the one he'd been thinking of since the start of the story.

"And they have a pretty wild and creepy imagination." Reid added.

**Kevin had been the one who gave the loudest fangirlish squeal of all.**

Poor Kevin could've just died at that moment as he laid in a fetal position, begging that his torment would just end.

**Emily noticed and began getting jealous. She clung onto Hansom. "Back off he's my man!" **

**Hansom smirked. It was great being so sexy and irresistible and manly and cool and attractive—**

"And oh so very modest," Blake cut in earning some chuckles.

**and stunning. He grinned. "Tough luck people, she's my baby. Perhaps tomorrow we can have a few quickies when I get bored of her."**

**"Oh Hansom," Emily sighed dreamily.**

Emily would've continued her head banging had JJ and Garcia not pried her away from the poor abused wall.

**He turned to Emily. "Shall we head to your place and get our freak on?"**

Everyone laughed at the horrible line.

**"You bet your sweet ass!" **

**The two headed to her house immediately afterwards, both eager to get it on.**

**End. **

**It's rated T so I have to leave it at that lol :(**

"Thank God!" Emily cried.

"I second that," Rossi agreed as he stepped off the chair. "I'd hate to see a love scene written by this girl."

"I think we're all in agreement." Hotch said.

"Now who reads?" Rossi asked.

This was the part everyone hated.

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**I couldn't do a chapter featuring a Mary Sue without including the Gary Stu counterpart. Don't you just hate those two things lol!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Aww you guys are too kind with your reviews. They always make my day. So I appreciate all your reviews.**

**Fanfiction Trauma**

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**Wow and thanks **_castle1773_** for being my 400th review. I can't believe this; it's so cool.**

**And **_LoveHotch-CM_**, I just read that story you mentioned and I'm mentally scarred now.**

* * *

Chapter 18: Enter Demily

Will walked over to Kevin and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Easy bud, it's over now."

"Remind me again why we don't just high tail it out of here?" Seaver asked as she eyed the defeated form of Kevin with concern.

"Because," Garcia answered with a sigh. "I believe that under all this pile of bad fanfiction stories there's at least one good one."

"I agree with Garcia." Blake said. "And if Kevin says he's read good ones then that's enough for me to believe that there is at least one good story hidden in this site."

The technical analyst peered up from where he was hunched over. "You really mean that?"

Blake smiled at him. "Why wouldn't I? It isn't like you're some crazy unsub, right?"

That served to cheer the man up. "Yep."

"Is is even worth the risk?" JJ exclaimed.

Rossi shrugged. "We're already neck deep in this pothole, might as well find something valuable to make it not seem like a complete waste of time."

"We should just find another category to check out." Reid suggested.

Morgan shot him a glare. "No way man! I wanna at least read one story where I'm not OOC or in some nasty ass slash story."

"Well since you're so eager Derek why don't you read?" Emily replied.

"You know what? I will." Morgan said before marching over to the laptop. "I'll find a good story Emily, just you wait."

Emily shook her head as he'd just fallen right into her trap.

Reid chuckled. "Nice one."

Henry shot his hand in the air abruptly. "Um?"

"Yeah, what is it?" Reid said as he approached his beloved godson.

"Uncle Spencer do you have candy?"

"Well... I have some yogurt in the fridge would you like one?"

"Yeah yeah!"

Reid turned to Jack. "How about you Jack?"

"Yeah!"

After getting Hotch and JJ's approval he headed for the kitchen, but Morgan's voice halted him.

"Hey kid, fetch me one too."

Reid glared at him but headed to go get one nonetheless.

"Darn," Seaver muttered as he left. "I should've asked him for one." A second later and she darted towards him. "Hey Reid hang on!"

"Hey Derek," Kevin said. "Make sure you don't pick out a story written by the same username as one of the stories we've read before."

"Well I don't have an eidetic memory like pretty boy but I'll try my best." Morgan replied as he continued scanning the stories.

"Guys what genre would you prefer my story to be, adventure or mystery?" Will asked as he jotted notes onto his notepad.

JJ gave him a blank stare. "Don't tell me you were actually serious about that?"

"Dead serious," he assured her. He then turned to Reid and Seaver, whom had returned and we're holding yogurts. "Guys, adventure or mystery?"

Seaver and Reid paused and glanced at each other before replying in unison. "Both."

"Both?" Will repeated before grinning. "Yeah, I like that. You guys are definitely gonna love my story."

Reid tossed a yogurt to Morgan. "Catch."

"Thanks pal." Morgan replied as he caught it.

The genius then handed Jack and Henry one.

"Jack," Hotch scolded. "What do you say to Spencer?"

"Oh Yeah!" Jack said as it sunk in. He swung his feet off the bed and rushed over to embrace Reid. "Thanks Spencer! You're the best."

Henry followed in suit and clamped onto Reid as well. "I love you Uncle Spencer!"

Reid grinned sheepishly and ruffled their heads before smiling. "And I love you guys as well."

"Aww..." Garcia cooed at their adorableness.

Blake chuckled. "You're great with kids Reid."

The doctor blushed and lightly scratched his head. "Oh y-you think so?"

"Okay," Morgan cut in. "Found one!"

"And let the mental torture commence." Rossi grumbled as he headed to his spot.

**The Connected Links**

**By BiggestKevinFan**

Everyone's jaw dropped.

"I... have fans?" Kevin murmured in sheer disbelief. "I can't believe it... I have fans." He wiped a tear away. "Awesome! I can't believe there's someone who likes me."

"I like you." Jack said from where he was eating yogurt.

"Me too, me too!" Henry added eager to join in with his friend Jack. "I like you."

Kevin gave them a thumbs up. "Thanks, you kids totally rock."

**Summary: Someone in the BAU doesn't like the attention that Derek is giving Jordan Todd.**

Morgan raised a brow before turning to the ladies and smirking. "So, who was jealous of the attention I was giving Jordan?"

Everyone shot him a pointed look.

"Get over yourself Derek, none of us were." Emily said dryly.

"Sure you weren't."

**Watch as they finally take things into their own hands and make him realize that their the one he belongs with.**

"Hmm... this author is using words like 'their' and 'they'," Blake pointed out. "They haven't made any specification on whether it's a woman they're talking about or a man."

"Noooo!" Morgan cried out. "Please don't let it be slash! Why am I always in a slash pairing?! I'm not the only man in the team! Use Hotch or Rossi!"

"I would rather they didn't." Hotch said.

"Likewise." Rossi added.

**It was going on again. Ever since Agent Todd entered the team it had been the same. This had been quite the routine now. It all happened when JJ had gone on maternity leave.**

"Thank God, yet again I have been spared from appearing in these stories." JJ said.

"So it isn't JJ," Morgan muttered before eying the rest of the ladies of his team. "That leaves one of you."

"You're so certain it's one of us." Seaver replied with a raised brow. "It could be slash again."

"Well, then, you guys better pray it isn't, because if it is I'm gonna be swimming with the fishes."

JJ rolled her eyes at his implication. "Don't you think you're being a bit dramatic?"

He gave her a serious face, which reminded her of Hotch's numerous serious looks. "No."

**Those two would always be together. It was getting on her nerves.**

"Sweet," Morgan cheered. "There's my confirmation. Now it leaves me back to my previous theory and you guys get to see me live another day."

**Why couldn't it be her? God it probably could've been her if she weren't so boring. And maybe if she were a bit more adventurous.**

"Someone has low self esteem." Kevin joked.

**She watched angrily as Jordan shuffled closer to whisper something in his ear. She was most likely complimenting him. She didn't understand what Jordan had that she didn't. What if it was everything?**

"Is anyone else sick of these guessing games that these stories seem to so commonly have?" Garcia said.

Seaver yawned in response. "I'm tired of the sleepiness they induce."

Emily chuckled. "They sure do suck don't they?"

**But today that was going to change. No more will she just stand by and let that girl do as she pleases. Derek belonged to her. Just because Derek didn't find her at all pretty or stunning didn't mean she was any less of a person.**

Morgan frowned. "Hold the phone."

"What's up?" Kevin asked.

"Since I haven't seen any mention of an OC then that means this story's referring to one of the women on the team."

"Right, and?" Will added.

"Well it irritates me when they state that I don't find the person attractive. I find all of the ladies I work with to be special and unique. And I certainly don't think Jordan is more of a woman than any of you."

The women smiled in flattery and each sent him a heartwarming smile.

**But honestly, what did Derek see in her? Emily****—**

"What?!" Emily shouted, adjacent to her in the chair, Morgan held the biggest smirk.

"Well, well, well what do we have here?" Morgan said with a smug smile. "Prentiss I didn't know you we're jealous of the attention I was giving Jordan."

Emily gritted her teeth. "That's because I wasn't jealous."

"The story sure thinks otherwise." Rossi joked.

**just couldn't pinpoint it. If you asked her Jordan was nothing but a horrible agent with horrible tactics. Her ways of getting things done were reckless and stupid. She didn't compare to JJ's level of expertise. She was so incompetent.**

"Why am I being written as a jealous high school girl?" Emily growled. "I never once thought that Jordan was a nuisance in any way. She was my friend."

**And she looked like she was just thriving off of Emily's dislike towards her.**

**"Hey Emily." She greeted with a smirk. It was as if she'd noticed that Emily had been witnessing her encounter with Derek.**

**"Oh hey," Emily quickly replied before walking over to her desk. She watched as Jordan entered her office (JJ's office) sluttily****—**

"Is that even a word?" Kevin asked. "How in the world do you even enter an office 'sluttily'?"

"Granted I didn't know who she was but I'm sure she is nothing like how the story is depicting her." Blake said.

"Yeah I feel the same way." Seaver added. The young agent didn't have a clue who they were talking about in the story; but even she knew that she didn't have to meet Jordan to know she wasn't how they we're portraying her.

**and scowled in disgust.**

**"What's up with you?" Derek said.**

**"Nothing." She replied icily.**

**"Let me guess... you just walked in on someone getting nasty in the bathroom."**

"If you ever walk in on someone doing that please inform me immediately." Hotch said with a serious tone. "I will not tolerate any crude or obscene behavior such as that. We work in an environment of rules and justice not the playboy mansion."

Although it wasn't his intention at all the group broke out into laughter.

"Dude you made a joke!" Morgan said.

"I wasn't joking."

**"More like in front of me..." she muttered before facing him. "So what's up with you and Jordan?"**

**He cringed instantly. "Nothing! That girl is nuts and clingy as hell. You know at first I thought she was hot but her personality is a major turn off."**

"Her personality seemed fine to me." Reid said.

Garcia scowled in disgust. "Do ANY of these authors know anything about us, or did they just watch one episode of our supposed show and go 'hey, this is awesome; Imma write a horrible OOC story to satisfy my needs'?"

"Something tells me it's the latter." Blake replied.

**"Really?"**

**Totally. I mean just look at her." Derek replied before nodding in her direction.**

**And it honestly didn't surprise her that Jordan was already whoring herself out to some guy.**

"She's not here, right?" Reid murmured as he frantically scanned his cramped room. "I mean, she didn't arrive at one point, right? Right?"

"Hurry, finish before she randomly appears!" Kevin said.

**Emily laughed as poor Anderson tried running away from her. "Wow what was I thinking?"**

**The day had gone more smoothly and Emily had no clue it was about to get a thousand times better. When she reached the parking lot she caught Derek approaching her.**

**"Hey, glad you're still here." He said.**

**"Why what's up?" Emily asked trying her best to contain her butterflies.**

"Oh please," Emily grumbled. "I'm not some elementary schoolgirl with a crush."

Suddenly Jack and Henry approached Emily, wearing what she profiled as sinister grins. They were peering bashfully up at her.

"What is it guys?" She humored them anyway.

Jack glanced at Henry excitedly before facing her and smiling. "Are you and Derek married in real life?"

Emily's jaw dropped, more surprised by his lack of beating around the bush than the question itself. Oh yeah, he was definitely Hotch's son.

The laughter that followed the question though, brought her out of her thoughts.

"Yes Jack, we are married." Morgan joked only to be jabbed in the ribs.

**"Well cause I want to tell you something and it can't wait anymore."**

**His declaration made her blush.**

This line further heightened the two young boys' excitement.

"Derek and Emily sitting in a tree," Jack sang.

"K-I-S-S..." Henry stopped mid-sentence having no clue how the rest of the word was spelled.

Fortunately for him and unfortunately for Emily Jack knew.

"I-N-G," he finished and soon picked up where his partner Henry had left off.

The others we're getting quite a laugh out of the display, even the usually uptight unit chief was smiling.

**"What is it Derek?"**

**"I didn't get to tell you what I really wanted to tell you; as in the real reason why I'd never get involved with Jordan."**

**"And that reason would be?"**

**"Because... you're the one I like."**

Seaver chuckled as the boys furthered teased Emily. "I swear Jack and Henry must be the most adorable kids I've ever seen."

"I know right," Garcia agreed as she pulled both boys into a hug.

**She gasped lightly. "Wow... I've been crazy about you since the first time we met."**

**That was all it took for Derek to lean in and press his lips to her.**

And now Emily felt like a kid back in elementary school as the children began making kissing noises. It also didn't help that Morgan was making his own mock kissing gestures.

**"I can't wait to rub this in Jordan's face tomorrow." She joked.**

**"Oh definitely, we're most certainly gonna show her that I'm not interested."**

**And so the next day they did. As everyone had expected Jordan came to terms with it quickly and moved on to the next poor guy.**

**Fin.**

"So was anyone else glad for their lack of appearance?" Reid asked.

Everyone but Morgan and Emily raised their hands.

"Aah good, thought it was just me."

"That wasn't a completely horrible story you know," Morgan said. "Though, I could do without all the hate on Jordan."

"Why don't you search for another one since you're having such a good time?" Reid suggested.

"Nice try kid, but I'm done with risking my mental stability. It's someone else's turn now."

The rest sighed at the prospect of having to read again.

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**Derek and Emily *nods head* oh yeah, I definitely support it.**

**Okay guys, announcement time!**

**I just want to say that if you have any story requests then feel free in letting them out. I'll make your request come true and use my magic to turn it into a shitty plot for our loveable cast to read.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Holy moley I got a bunch of requests. I'd like to thank all of you who've read and reviewed my story. This topic was requested by many and it's quite popular in the fandom. Sorry for the lateness I've just been having a shitty weekend.**

**Fanfiction Trauma**

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Chapter 19: De-aged Reid

Garcia sighed. "So now what?"

"Since Derek chickened out then one of us has to read." Will replied.

"Whoa don't even go there man!" Morgan countered with crossed arms. "You forget that I'm a profiler so any tricks you try to make me read again won't work."

"You do realize that the reason you read this time around was because Emily pulled a fast one on ya, right?"

"What?!" Morgan shouted in disbelief. "That does it Emily, I want a divorce."

Emily rolled her eyes. "Would you give it a rest?"

"We could vote on it again." Kevin suggested.

Morgan was quick to reject the idea. "No way! Last time I was unanimously nominated for reading."

"Then what do you suggest?" Will said.

"I suggest that you read."

"Like hell I read already, twice."

"And I've read three times, what's your point?"

"Enough you two, can't you see we have a situation here?" Seaver cut in.

"Ashley's right." Hotch stated. "We clearly aren't going to get a volunteer, to which I don't blame anyone, but someone has to read."

"I know!" Kevin jumped in before snickering at what he was about to suggest. "Not it!"

The room stood silent and glances were exchanged amongst one another before it finally sunk in.

"Not it!" Multiple shouts echoed the room.

The only one who hadn't taken the hint was a poor clueless Reid. "What, I don't get it? Were we supposed to repeat that? Wait... I demand a do-over."

"Tough turkey kid." Morgan replied as he beckoned the chair. "It's your turn to read."

"This is so unfair." He mumbled to himself before dragging his feet to the chair.

"I'll be right by your side Reid." Garcia assured him. "Just like when we started this whole thing."

And it was true. Garcia and Reid had been here since the very beginning.

Reid smiled. "Thanks."

"So um... I hate to be a bother but," Seaver started with a slight blush. "Is anyone else hungry?"

"Now that you mention it... I'm a bit hungry." Emily said. "I haven't eaten squat."

"And we have been here for hours now." Blake exclaimed.

"Totally, I wouldn't mind some food." Kevin added.

"Yeah me too," JJ said as she shot Morgan a glare. "Thanks to a certain someone I skipped my entire day."

"Now if you recall JJ I did tell you that if you were disappointed in any way then Reid would spend his entire life making it up to you."

"I heard that!" Reid retorted while he scanned the stories.

"Hey Spencer, you mind if we order some grub?" Kevin asked.

"Not at all. Go ahead."

"I'll order guys," Morgan said. "What do you want to eat?"

"I want Chinese." Will replied.

"Are you crazy Will? With the amount of people here plus the specific orders I'll be on the phone with the guy for hours."

"How about a pizza?" Hotch chimed in.

"Good thinking Hotch. Are we all in agreement?" Seeing no protests he took it as his answer. "Good, I'm gonna go order now."

"Hey, tell them to add sausages on one of the orders." Garcia said before he exited the room.

"Sure thing babygirl!"

"Alright everyone, I found one." Reid said before pausing. "Should we wait for Morgan?"

"He'll thank us later." Rossi replied.

**Reversing Time**

"Sounds interesting..." Blake murmured before shaking her head. "Oh right, it's fanfiction."

**By SSAKileyHotchner**

"Hey boss man it looks like you have a fangirl." Garcia joked.

"I'm not interested." Hotch calmly said.

**Summary: The BAU team is in for a major surprise when a case in Wyoming leads to one of their agents getting their life altered. Surprising consequences are in stored for Reid.**

"Aaahh!"

"And we are back to dodging the yelling." Rossi said.

"Sorry guys, I wish I could control it."

Rossi smiled. "Don't worry Reid; you know not one of us blames you."

"I hope your symptoms don't worsen though." Blake said as she eyed Reid with concern.

"You and me both."

**"So we have some sick dude who experiments on his victims?" Derek said.**

**The team was currently in the conference room while Penelope briefed them.**

**"The markings on their bodies indicate uses of syringes." JJ added.**

"Darn it, I was looking forward to not being in this one as well."

"Guess your luck has officially run out." Rossi chuckled.

"I'm back guys, what I miss?" Morgan said before laughing. "Just kidding guys I don't think I could care any less. Anyways, pizza guy says he'll be here in about thirty minutes."

"Awww!" They groaned.

**"Wheels up in twenty."**

**The team quickly arrived in Wyoming with the help of the jet.**

**(An - Okay everyone since I don't want to go through the boring process of motives and profiles etc... I'll just be cutting to the part where they find the guy.)**

"Wow, seriously?" Garcia exclaimed with a frown. "Way to suck me into your story."

"Well that's a fun way in getting my attention." Seaver added dryly. "I definitely want to read now."

"What kind of an author cuts their story like that?" Blake said.

"Not a good one." Rossi answered.

**When they arrived at his house Hotch gave the order to split up. "Rossi and Prentiss take the back, JJ and I will take the back, you two go and check his garage. Whesker is here somewhere."**

"Isn't Whesker that guy from the zombie movie?" Emily asked.

"Yeah he's from the Resident Evil franchise." Kevin answered

**Derek and Spencer—**

"Aaahh!"

**rushed inside the garage to check it out. They had no idea that the garage was set to blow up. In seconds an explosion tore through the area. The rest of the team rushed towards the them.**

**"Guys!" Rossi shouted.**

**Derek came out holding a bundle wrapped in his friend's clothes.**

"Oh no they vaporized Reid!" Garcia said.

"The guy is a scientist after all, so it could be." Rossi added. "Although no such thing exists."

**"Where is he?" JJ said.**

**Derek pulled the clothes away to reveal a very young boy.**

"So... were there hostages?" Seaver asked. "I thought for sure that house would be empty."

**"This is him." He replied.**

"Huh?" The entire group said.

**"Iths me Spenzer."**

Due to the misspelling of his name Reid hadn't yelled, but that didn't mean he wasn't freaked out. "What? How am I a baby?"

"Wait, all I got is that they entered the garage and it exploded." Emily said. "Was it the explosion that did it?"

"If that was the case then shouldn't Morgan have shrunk in age as well?" Blake added.

Hotch placed his hand over his face in exasperation. "How an explosion leads to a man shrinking in age is beyond me."

"I'm sure the story has an explanation." Kevin said only to receive blank looks. "Or not."

**"How did this happen?" Hotch shouted.**

**"I don't know. One minute we're checking out the garage and the next we hear a ticking, then we're sent flying." Derek said as he clutched the young genius. "Next thing I know he's like this."**

**"We have to get him to a hospital." Emily said.**

"Hospital?" Morgan repeated with a laugh. "I'd take him to a daycare or a nanny."

"Haha very funny." Reid replied.

**"No. I shall take care of him." Hotch said. "I'll watch over him at my house."**

"Why would it be me who takes care of him?" Hotch said in disbelief. "It's hard enough trying to find time for Jack; and if I could barely make time for my son then how am I possibly going to make time for Reid?"

"Well, then the same pretty much goes for all of us." Blake added. "Hence why majority of us are children-less."

"It'd make more sense for Garcia to watch over Reid." Seaver exclaimed before shaking her head and sighing. "Wait, why are we even discussing this? This is never going to happen."

"Thank goodness." Morgan said. "Because I'd die before I'd ever change Reid's diapers." He cringed at the statement. "Seriously, I'll feel like a damn pedophile."

"And I'd feel very violated." Reid replied.

**"He's so cute though," Emily exclaimed as she ruffled his hair. "I might just take him off your hands and take him with me."**

"If my friend were to ever shrink in age, which I remind you doesn't happen every day, believe me that I will not find it adorable in any way." Emily stated. "I'd find it extremely weird and be scared crapless."

"Tell me about it." JJ agreed.

**"We have to check the area; maybe Whesker has a cure somewhere." Rossi said.**

**"You guys check and I'll get him to the hotel." Hotch replied.**

**(One month later)**

"Really? A time skip?" Garcia said. "No, go right ahead it isn't like there aren't enough plot holes in your junk story."

"This is exactly why I only read Vonnegut books." Emily exclaimed.

"Hey I said the exact same thing." Morgan replied and the two shared a high five.

**"It's time to eat!" Hotch shouted and in seconds a small four year old appeared. He'd become accustomed to this. He was glad Jessica was taking care of Jack because he couldn't raise two kids.**

Hotch could actually feel the vein throbbing in his head. "This is just beyond stupid."

"Can anyone explain why he hasn't been taken to a hospital or a freaking super scientist?" Kevin wondered aloud. "He could have some serious side effects or it could be contagious."

"I am so glad we live in reality." Rossi groaned.

"This is like that fountain of youth thing I use to read about when I was a kid." Seaver said.

"You know there really isn't any quantifiable proof that the fountain of youth exists, although tales of such a fountain have been recounted across the world for thousands of years." Reid stated and continued on to explain the theories to it.

And soon everyone began tuning him out

**"I'm here!" **

**Hotch chuckled at the boy. "Time for school Spencer."**

Had Reid not paused to rant about Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de León and his attempt to search for the fountain of youth, and had noticed he'd just read his name he'd of shouted.

"Is he really being taken into school?" Will asked. "There's no point and it makes no sense."

"They never have a point." Blake answered before chuckling at how Reid had somehow tied his rant to the number 4 and how it couldn't possibly be the ultimate answer since it made no logical sense.

**Things had turned like this. They had never found the cure and we're still searching for Whesker. Everyone had grown accustomed to this life and Hotch was feeling like a father all over again.**

"I'm already a father." Hotch growled as he tried futilely to maintain his spite.

Will yawned at how terribly boring the story was. He walked over to the bed where Henry and Jack were playing and crashed onto the unoccupied side of it. "Guys do me a favor and let me know when it's done."

Henry immediately climbed onto his dad. "Hey Jack, dad's entewing' our castle!"

"Intruder!" Jack shouted playfully before poking Will's cheek with his hand. "Off with his head!"

Will laughed and decided that humoring the young boys was infinitely better than hearing the boring story.

**Rumors had been spreading that the man was now in Wisconsin so the team we're doing their best to keep up with him, but it was difficult to do so when they got cases. Due to his age now, their resident genius had to give in his badge and gun and permanently stay with Hotch until they found Whesker.**

At this point everyone had begun tuning out the story.

Emily had gotten into a lively conversation with JJ about her days in London. Rossi began entertaining Seaver about a new book he was thinking of publishing while Blake half listened and half wondered if it had been thirty minutes yet.

Morgan leaned his back lazily against Blake's and begun dozing off. Garcia and Kevin found better entertainment in Will playing with the boys.

Hotch merely closed his eyes.

**But he had to admit that living with his boss had its perks. Expect he could do without the spanks to his rear.**

"Jesus Christ," Emily gasped upon hearing that line. "What is wrong with these authors?"

"Aahh!" Morgan groaned. "This is like that horrible spanking story we read!"

"I had all but forgotten that..." Rossi grumbled as he buried his face in his hands. "Goodness the mental images will be the death of me."

"Oh curse my eidetic memory," Reid sighed sadly. "These horrible experiences will follow me for a long time."

"Garcia," Hotch called. "When we finally find a good story you are to shut down this site immediately afterwards; I never want to see it again."

"It'll be my pleasure sir."

"No way!" Kevin protested. "Just because this section sucks doesn't mean the ones I read suck too."

"Fine," Hotch tried again. "Garcia once we find a good story you are to shut down _only_ this section of this website."

"It'll still be my pleasure sir."

**"I have to go to work now." Hotch said. "I'll drive you to school and have the nanny pick you up."**

Despite being half-asleep on Blake's back Morgan chuckled at the mention of a nanny.

**"Okay." He replied excitedly. Inwardly he was glad to be going to school as there was a girl in his pre K that he had a huge crush on.**

"That's gross." Kevin said.

Reid felt bile fill up his throat. "I may be a child but I'm still a man in the inside; attraction towards a little girl would be impossible and yes, also very gross."

**JJ approached Hotch at work. "I think we have a lead."**

**"Where?"**

**"Whesker has been spotted in Wisconsin, it's official now."**

**"Get the team and prepare the jet. We're going Wisconsin."**

"Wouldn't it be great if we could prepare the jet for our own personal use whenever we wanted," Rossi joked.

**An - That's it for chapter one guys. If you review Hotch will come to your house and talk nasty to you ;)**

Much to Hotch's displeasure the room exploded with laughter.

"Are we sure this isn't the same author that wrote the whump story?" Hotch asked as he recalled the similar obscene line used in that story.

Reid hopped off the chair with a genuine smile etched in his face. "Well that was my turn."

And the part everyone dreaded was back again.

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**Author's Notes**

**I have never read a de-aged story about Reid so I pretty much improvised in this chapter. Anyway, bring in those requests my friends.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Totally glad you're enjoying my story. Thanks to everyone who's favorited/alerted my story and thanks for adding me on your author alert.**

**Fanfiction Trauma**

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**Thanks **_Baby Porcupine-Cute but DEADLY_** for being my 500th reviewer.**

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Chapter 20: Hotly (Hotch/Emily)

Will peered up from the bed when Reid began stepping off the chair. "Oh, is it done?"

"Praise the heavens, it is." Rossi confirmed.

Morgan finally lifted himself from Blake's back where he'd been leaning on and stretched his tired arms. "Oh man that story almost put me to sleep."

"I'm just glad I'm not reading anymore." Reid said. "Those stories are major mental torture."

"Great," Emily muttered. "That means one of us reads."

"I say Derek should read." JJ said.

"No f-ing way, why am I always the one who reads?" He immediately protested.

"I think we should think of a fair way in selecting a reader." Blake suggested.

"Finally!" Morgan exclaimed. "Someone says something that makes sense; thank you Blake."

"Any suggestions?" Seaver asked, her question directed mostly at Kevin as he'd been the one coming up with the ideas.

Kevin placed a pensive hand to his chin. "Hmm, let me think." He snapped his fingers as an idea struck his mind. "I got it! We could draw straws."

"Theoretically that sounds like a good idea, but something tells me we might try to tamper with one of the straws." Will replied. "Thus, cheating."

"I agree with him." Emily exclaimed. "I don't trust Derek."

"Guilty as charged." Morgan said. "But hey, at least I can admit that I'd definitely tamper with the straws."

"Hotch perhaps you should do it." Seaver suggested. "I think you're the only one among us who wouldn't try anything."

Hotch nodded. "Very well. Reid you wouldn't happen to have any straws would you?"

Reid lightly scratched his head. "Erm, well... not exactly."

"Now isn't that just peachy," Rossi groaned.

"But I have all the materials needed to make a fairly accurate makeshift set of straws necessary for our predicament." Reid said and headed out the room. "Give me approximately four minutes; give or take a minute or two."

Morgan rolled his eyes. "I swear that kid has such a motor mouth."

"Still though, you can't help but love him." Emily said.

Morgan chuckled. "Yeah, that guy is definitely one of a kind."

Reid returned moments later with what he'd promised a set of makeshift straws. "Got them."

"Way to improvise Reid," Seaver praised with a smile.

"Thanks Ashley, all I did was use paper, scissors, and some tape." He said before handing the stuff to Hotch. "There's a marker by my laptop; though I say it'd be better to mark it outside."

"I understand." Hotch stated before stepping out.

"Hey Reid," Blake called. "Has it been thirty minutes yet?"

"Nope, sorry. It's only been about fourteen minutes."

"What?" Kevin said before sighing. "Dang it, I'm starving."

Hotch reentered with the straws. "So how do we go about shuffling these?"

"Simple," Will answered before taking them and handing them to Henry. "Hey bud, you think you can help dad out?"

"Of course!" Henry eagerly replied.

"That's my boy. So you see that straw with the red tip," he paused to allow Henry a peek at said straw. "I want you to shuffle it and not let anyone see. Can you do that for daddy?"

"You bet!" Henry said before turning to his best friend Jack. "Jack do you wanna help?"

"Sure!" Jack replied before turning to the adults. "Okay everyone, turn around. No peaking cause I got my eyes on you."

And so with Jack playing security Henry was successfully able to shuffle the straws.

"Ready!" Henry announced cheerfully. "Time to pick one."

One by one the grown-ups drew out a straw. An ignorant onlooker would look at the scene and probably laugh at how much the adults were participating in child games.

"Not me." Kevin said.

"Or me." Seaver added.

"Nooo!" Emily cried out as she held the object that would lead to her demise. "I have it."

Will smirked and guided her to the chair. "Oh, well you know what this means. Time for you to search for a story missy."

"Joy..." Emily muttered as she assumed the position. Wanting to get her turn over with, immediately she clicked on the first story she landed on. What good would searching do if they were all atrocious? "Got one."

**Unexpected Results**

**By SuckmySock**

"Well isn't that a lovely username," Rossi commented earning a set of chuckles.

"Say that username five times faster." Kevin joked.

**Summary: What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas right, that's what most people say. Unfortunately for two of our favorite agents they are about to learn the hard way that the saying isn't always correct.**

"Another guessing game?" Garcia grumbled.

"Surprise, surprise, surprise." Blake added with a bored tone.

**The team had just finished a hardcore case in Vegas and were heading out to unwind at the casinos. The case had been a tough one and it was Penelope's idea to go out. She'd tagged along on the case because there was no way in hell she'd miss a chance to hang out in Vegas.**

"Since when do I decide to tag along with you guys for such shallow reasons?" Garcia questioned angrily. "I know you guys travel to fight crime and save lives; I wouldn't fly with you guys on the off chance for some fun instead of staying in my work space where I _know_ I'll be more resourceful."

Hotch swelled with pride at his colleague's strong resolute drive towards her job. He knew that although Garcia was bright and cheery that never, in any way, hindered her capabilities when it came to the job; if anything it was what kept them bound together.

**"So are we all ready?" JJ asked.**

**"Hold it, we have to wait for Emily." Rossi said.**

"No, no don't wait for me," Emily practically begged. "Leave without me and spare me from this sad piece of literature."

**"Aw come on, she takes forever." Derek muttered. "Let's just leave without her."**

"Yes!"

**"No, we're waiting." Hotch replied.**

"No!"

**Finally Emily showed up. She gave her team an apologetic look. "My bad, let's hit the road."**

**Everyone but Spencer—**

"Aaahh!"

**who was visiting his mother, headed out. Once arriving at the crowded casinos the team split up and rushed to the machines like a pair of kids. Both Hotch and Emily stayed together and wandered off to their own path.**

"So I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that it's you two this story is about." Seaver said.

Hotch could feel a vein threatening to pop out his head. "I only ask that they at least have it not include Beth."

"Why are they pairing me up with Hotch?" Emily asked incredulously. "He's happily in love with Beth and I'm nothing but happy for him."

"Hey you're cheating on me; this marriage is so off." Morgan said only to earn a glare.

**"Want to try the slots?" Emily said and was already pulling the lever down.**

**"Yeah, in the meantime why don't I get us some drinks?" **

**"Yeah sure."**

"Bad idea." Reid stated.

**Hotch returned moments later and handed her the wine. He couldn't help but feel the electricity as their fingers brushed. Little did he know she'd felt it too. There had always been sparks between them.**

Emily sighed and paused to reach out and take a hold of Hotch's hand. "Any sparks?"

"No." He said firmly.

"Exactly. Me neither."

The rest snickered at the action.

**Come midnight the pair was well past the tipsy stage. Two hours later and they we're all that remained from the BAU team. The rest had called it a night already and they could hardly remember when that was.**

**"We should call it a night," Emily said nervously as she felt Hotch's breath on her ear. They had been playing in a crowded table.**

**"I'll walk you to your room." Hotch replied. He mentally cursed himself for the obscene thoughts crawling in his head. He felt like just pinning her to the table and ravishing her.**

Hotch had never felt so mortified.

Rossi chuckled in his friend's direction. "You dog you. Guess those little things the authors wrote about you in their AN's were true."

"Shut up."

**The elevator ride was extremely awkward and Emily was beyond glad when they finally reached her door. In her haste to end the day and enter her room she stumbled on her feet.**

**"Catch me Hotch." She squealed helplessly.**

Emily twitched. "I'm not some frail damsel in distress. I'm trained in close combat and weapon handling and yet she dare portray me like this. God!"

"So more OOC." Garcia said. "Why don't the authors here warn people about these things their stories contain?"

"Some of them do actually," Kevin replied. "It's just some don't because of fear that no one would read it."

Morgan chuckled. "Do any of them put a warning saying they know their story is gonna suck?"

"Actually... yeah."

Morgan's jaw dropped. "No way!"

**Hotch caught her and stared at her lovingly. In seconds he had her on the wall with his tongue down her throat.**

JJ gagged. "Gross."

"Jesus Hotch, buy a lady dinner first." Emily joked.

"You know... it doesn't always work like that," Hotch replied with a small chuckle. He recalled he'd gotten the first kiss from Beth before their dinner had even begun.

**Emily fumbled for her doors before finally managing to get it open. They stumbled inside with their lips never losing their hold.**

**"Oh Hotch," she cooed. "Ravish me and take me!"**

Seaver snickered. "Is this supposed to be sexy? I've seen more intimacy in a Disney movie."

Kevin laughed. "Hah, nice one."

**Hotch didn't need to be told twice. He pinned her in the bed and began sucking her lips dry.**

"Whoa cut," Will cut in. "The heck is the rating on this thing? I don't want my boy hearing this."

Emily scrolled to the top for a quick moment and scoffed. "Says here this is rated K."

"Kevin, do any one of these authors take three minutes off their lives to actually read the rules?" JJ asked.

"Uh no, no they don't."

**Soon morning came.**

"Thank goodness they cut that part out." JJ said.

**Emily woke up with a bad headache. She paled when she noticed her nude body. Next to her a body moved and pulled out of the covers.**

**"Oh God, Hotch!"**

**Hotch groaned at the loudness. "I have a huge headache so can we not yell?"**

**"What did we do?" Emily cried. "We're as wild as when Rossi and JJ get together."**

"Oh come on!" Will snapped. "Can there be one story that follows the facts?"

"Me and JJ?" Rossi said. "That is just absurd."

"For God sakes," JJ groaned. "There is no me and Rossi. Now I'm afraid to think of what other person they have paired me up with."

"Be glad you aren't in a slash pairing." Morgan exclaimed with a frown. "I'd do anything to be in your spot."

"Me too." Reid agreed.

**"I still think those two are worse. Look we were drunk and it was a mistake. Let's get dressed and forget it ever happened."**

"I seldom drink," Hotch pointed out. "And when I do I am responsible. I have a son after all or do these authors forget that important detail?"

"These people tend to forget a lot of things." Seaver said dryly.

**The next day Hotch had been feeling horrible at work. He hoped Beth never found out.**

Hotch released an annoyed sigh. "And clearly I should have known better. Why can't they just leave Beth out of this?"

"Hotch wouldn't cheat on Beth," Morgan pointed out. "He's a dedicated guy and someone I respect."

"We feel the same way." Rossi added. "But it's too bad the authors have another point of view."

**Emily knocked on his office and entered, a horrified look on her expression.**

**"What is it?" He asked.**

**"I'm pregnant."**

"What?" Rossi said in disbelief. "I believe it has been only one day since your little escapade."

"Hmm... the female body usually begins to show signs of pregnancy 10-14 days after fertilization." Reid stated.

"Kevin," JJ groaned as she placed a hand to her head to halt the impending headache. "Is there any author in this fandom who's over the age of twelve?"

"Yeah, I'm telling you that some actually know how to write a story." Kevin said. "And the funny thing is that you have to be at least thirteen to be eligible to post stories up."

"And I can definitely see why they made that a rule." Blake stated. "I just wish people would follow these rules."

**"Pregnant?" Hotch gaped at her. "How did this happen?"**

"Hmm," Will feigned a pensive look. "I don't know maybe the intercourse played a role in it."

"Well my character sure is a moron." Hotch exclaimed.

Emily slammed her head on the keyboard which caused a beeping noise. "It's called a condom people! Use it, they're very helpful."

**"I don't have a clue." She replied.**

"And no shocker that my character is just as stupid as yours is Hotch."

**"What are we supposed to do now?" Hotch muttered before facing her. **

**"There's no way I'm taking responsibility for this thing." Emily hissed.**

"This story makes it seem like we're arguing on who's getting stuck with the family dog," Emily commented with a frown. "It's a soon to be person we're discussing; can our characters be a bit more concerned?"

**"We'll figure it out."**

"Somehow I doubt that." Blake said earning some laughs.

**An - So what do you think? Awesome right, I know I'm a genius. I'll post chapter two around next week. Review!**

"Man that sucked." Emily said as she tore her face away from the screen.

"Isn't that quite an understatement," JJ agreed.

"Totally, if I hear any more of that story I'll barf." Kevin added.

"Guess it's time to draw straws again." Reid exclaimed.

The room sighed and prepared themselves for the possibility of reading.

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**Author's Notes**

**Lol I didn't read the Fanfiction dot net rules I just know them. ****I'm not a fan of Hotly or Rossi/JJ but some of my reviewers sure are, so this was a treat to them and those that requested these pairings. Oh and JJ, don't start wondering about your other pairings.**

**Till next time!**


	21. Chapter 21

** I see I haven't covered this kind of topic yet. It was **_36MaryRose36_** who suggested a secret daughter fic a while back and I've finally gotten around towards making it into a story.**

**Fanfiction Trauma**

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**Oh and just a reminder guys, I have zero problems with any pairings/genres/topics of any kind that I have used. Just because I don't like it doesn't mean I'm condemning it. You like what you like and dislike what you dislike. I've said so from the beginning that this is a **_parody_**. So try not to get butt-hurt because I'm not forcing you to read my story.**

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Chapter 21: Spencer's Secret Daughter

"Well, back to the drawing board." Emily grumbled.

"Hey buddy, you ready for another round?" Will asked.

"Sure thing!" Henry replied as he took a hold of the straws.

"Hey can I try?" Jack said.

Henry smiled and handed him the straws. "Of course you can."

"Thanks, you can keep watch."

Henry crossed his arms and turned to the adults. "No peeking."

"We wouldn't dream of it muffin." Garcia replied as she turned around.

The others followed in suit and turned the opposite way so as to not cheat.

"Done." Jack said.

One by one they reached out for a straw.

"And Derek Morgan has dodged a bullet." Morgan cheered happily.

"So has David Rossi."

Kevin sighed as he held the straw no one wanted to draw. "Sadly Kevin Lynch didn't. This is probably why I get shot all the time in the fanfiction stories."

Will chuckled and patted his back. "Don't sweat it brother; I got your back."

"Appreciate it bro." He said as he took his seat and began the process of searching for a story.

"Hey Reid, has it been thirty minutes yet?" Morgan asked. "My stomach may just eat itself."

"Nope, it's only been twenty-two minutes."

"Damn it," Morgan complained. "I'm starving. I practically puked my all insides out after that Mpreg crap."

"Stupid time," Garcia complained. "It's going majorly slow."

"Luck just isn't with us on this day." Blake added.

"That's for sure," Emily agreed. "Otherwise we'd of been found a good story."

"Although the one we just read wasn't that horrible." Rossi stated. "Granted it needed a bit of work but it wasn't completely bad."

"Rossi's right," Seaver chimed in. "I think they're getting better as we progress."

"Good theory." Hotch said. "It may be right."

"Got one," Kevin called. "Let's just hope that this story is that good one we've been searching for."

**Life Changing Secrets**

"Oh my God, really?" Garcia exclaimed with a frown. "What is it with the secrecy in these stories? We're all a family so I hope none of you are really making secrets behind my back."

"Of course not babygirl." Morgan assured her with a grin. "We'd never do that."

**By ****WillLaMontagneIzBetterShirtless**

Will scratched his head sheepishly. "Well uh... I have been workin' out more than I normally do."

JJ furrowed her brows. "Are you kidding? Another Will fangirl; I thought this fandom hated him?"

Will sighed. "They do, so can ya blame me for me being glad at us finding the small percent that doesn't?"

**Summary: After her adoptive parents are murdered Stacy is forced to face reality and she is left under the care of her father. The only problem is he never knew she existed. Who's the father? None other than Spencer.**

"Aaahh!"

"The kid... with a kid?" Morgan muttered before smirking. "This sounds interesting... just hope it isn't Mpreg or anything like that."

"I highly doubt that considering Spence has no idea about his daughter." JJ said. "And trust me Derek, when you give birth you do_ not _forget it. Be glad men can't produce babies."

"And trust me JJ," he repeated her words. "I am."

**Everyone had just returned to the BAU after a tough case in Florida. They had exhausted themselves. The team went off to their work stations and desks.**

"Wow, poor Spencer is about to get the biggest bombshell dropped in his life." Will stated placing a sympathetic hand on Reid's shoulder.

**Hotch went into his office right in time to hear the phone ringing.**

**"Hotchner." He greeted.**

**A woman on the other end spoke. "Is there a Dr. Reid—**

"Aaahh!"

**in the building?" **

"Okay," Kevin cut in. "Who else was expecting the author to ask 'is there a doctor in the house'?"

Reid snickered. "Good joke."

**"Yes, but you've just missed him. Can I take a message?"**

**And the message left was an unexpected one.**

Reid frowned. "I think _I_ of all people would remember if I had a daughter."

Morgan laughed. "No way kid; you made a joke!"

"It wasn't a joke."

"And that is why it's funnier."

**(The Next Day)**

**Hotch had given specific orders for everyone from the team to gather in the bullpen the next morning.**

**"So why are we here?" Derek asked. "I got a lot of paperwork to run through."**

**"Orders are orders," Rossi said. "Best not complain."**

**Hotch finally arrived. "I've come to some new personal information."**

"Why would I announce this as if it were a trivial matter?" Hotch questioned angrily. "This is Reid's business and no one else's."

"And why did this lady contact you?" Seaver added. "Is it that hard to pay Reid a visit in person; after all this is serious business we're talking about here?"

**"What kind of information?" Emily asked.**

**Hotch motioned for someone to enter the room. A teenage girl entered with a much older woman next to her.**

**Derek raised a brow. "Dude don't tell me this is your second family?"**

Morgan chuckled. "Not gonna lie, it may be OOC of my character but that line was kinda funny."

**Hotch glared at him. "No."**

**"What is this?" JJ asked.**

**"This young lady is Stacy Reid."**

"Aaahh!"

**"What?!" They all shouted.**

**Hotch frowned. "Please, indoor voices."**

"How can you ask for indoor voices when you drop a bombshell like that?" Emily said.

"That's like expecting us to stay quiet after announcing that aliens have just abducted the president." Kevin joked.

**"I don't have a daughter!" **

**"Yeah," Derek agreed. "I was under the suspicion that pretty boy here was still a virgin."**

Morgan narrowed his eyes. "I'd never take something like this lightly; okay, now the OOC is irritating me."

**"How in the world did this happen?" Rossi asked as the young agent beside him had froze.**

**JJ gasped. "Are you telling me her dad is... Spence?"**

"Aaahh!"

**"Apparently," Hotch answered. "This poor girl has just lost her adoptive parents and it seems they've managed to track down her father."**

"You'd think they track down her mother first." Will joked.

Kevin chuckled. "Totally, like let her get the bombshell first."

Garcia rolled her eyes. "Men."

**"I'm her f-father... b-but how?"**

**Stacy shot him a glare. "It was a one night stand and I got born because of it.—**

Reid frowned at his depiction. "I do not do one night stands. That is strictly Morgan."

"Hey!" Morgan retorted.

Emily shook her head. "I'm gonna go ahead and remind everyone about the nice condom speech I gave no too long ago."

**Then it was so nice when my parents dumped me in some orphanage."**

**"N-No! You got it all wrong... I didn't even know you existed."**

"Ten bucks says that she takes that line the wrong way." Morgan said with a laugh.

**This only made her angrier. "Oh sure, I bet you didn't."**

"Hah! Told ya so."

"God these things are so predictable." Seaver murmured. "It's almost depressing... wait, actually it is depressing."

**"It isn't what you think!" He tried arguing with a frown. He was beginning to see why she'd been dumped in an orphanage.**

"Whoa!" Garcia chimed in. "That is mega harsh."

"Not to mention OOC," Reid added. "Again."

**"Look we can't discuss this here." Hotch cut in politely. "Take the day off and handle this. We'll take care of the case."**

**Spencer—**

"Aaahh!"

**sighed. "I suppose I have no choice." **

**While Stacy waited in the lobby he'd gone to get his things and talk to the woman. He felt a small wave of pride when she had told him that Stacy had an IQ of 200.**

JJ groaned at the inevitable. "Here it comes."

**She was also extremely popular and pretty at her school. The boys all followed her like puppies. **

"Oh God, Mary Sue!" Garcia gasped. "Quick, kill it with fire!"

Morgan rushed over to her side with a paper bag in his hand. "Breathe into the bag babygirl."

Garcia managed to take a few breaths before finally calming down. "Thanks my fine work of muscled art; I feel much better."

"You know it hasn't been fully proven that intelligence is inherited." Reid stated randomly.

**Stacy entered her new home and tossed her bags on the floor. "Why do I have to stay here? I don't want to stay with you!"**

**"I'm not gonna take you back okay. I'm your father."**

**"I don't care! I could have any parents adopt me so I want to go back!"**

Garcia cringed. "Who in the heck would wanna adopt a Mary Sue?"

"I would assume only another Mary Sue." Blake answered. "One whom is married to a Gary Stu."

Will chuckled. "That would be just the _perfect_ family."

The group snickered at the comment.

**"I know you're probably scared... I am too. All I want is for you to give me a chance to make it right. We can work out I know it."**

"How am I supposed to raise a Mary Sue?" Reid asked with confusion.

"Use the force Spencer." Kevin joked causing him, Garcia, and, the new addition to the nerd group, Emily to laugh, while the others merely shook their heads.

**"Why should I trust you?"**

**"You can't possibly trust me at this moment, that's why I want a chance so we can build a trust."**

**She thought for a moment before shrugging and nodding. "Okay I'll trust you now."**

"Well that was fast." Seaver said.

"I think she may be bipolar." Rossi exclaimed igniting some laughs.

**"Good."**

**Stacy shouldn't doubt him. He was an FBI agent and there was no way that big important people like him did things bad things.**

"You'd be surprised." Emily murmured. "You should never simply toss your trust so easily like that." She eyed her group of family with a loving smile. "Give it only to those whom deserve it."

Garcia smiled and embraced her friend. "I feel the same way!"

The rest quietly smiled to themselves.

**This was something new to both of them. She didn't know what to expect while he didn't have the slightest clue how to be a father.**

"I wouldn't necessarily say I'm completely ignorant as to what it takes to be a father." Reid said. "I have two great examples of fathers right here in my room; Will and Hotch."

Will grinned. "Thanks man; you're a true pal."

Hotch sent him a small smile. "Thank you Reid."

**"Hey uh... dad?" Stacy asked nervously.**

**"Yeah?" He tried not to show his excitement at how she had calling him dad.**

**"What happened with you and... er, mom?"**

**Spencer—**

"Aaahh!"

**paused to think. "I don't think I know who exactly your mother is Stacy."**

"Why do I have to be portrayed as an irresponsible adult?" Reid growled. "I have an eidetic memory so I should know who she is."

"You wouldn't even need an eidetic memory to remember how many women you've been with." Morgan joked.

"Oh haha real funny."

**"That's cool I guess. She probably sucked anyway."**

**"All that matters is that I'm here Stacy."**

**"Thanks."**

**A/N: So that's all for this one chapter. Next chapters will be bonding and the mother will make an appearance later too. Chapter two is coming so don't go anywhere.**

"Too late," Kevin said as he clicked the back button. "Wow, I'm surprised I live."

"So do you guys still think Ashley's theory is right?" Emily questioned.

"I still think so," Rossi answered. "It wasn't too bad; like the one before all it needs is a bit of work."

"It's still too early to make any assumptions." Hotch added. "Let's see where it goes."

"So then, shall we proceed with the straws?" Blake said.

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**Author's Notes**

**I've read only few of these types of stories and they were all a billion times better than the one I just wrote; plus there was no Mary Sue.**

**P.S. I don't dislike any characters of CM. I use to say I didn't like Blake cause' she replaced Emily but then I realized I was being dumb since Rossi replaced Gideon and Emily herself replaced Elle, whom we're two of my favorite characters.**


	22. Chapter 22

**Here it is everyone, what you've all been waiting for. This is also what the group huddled in Reid's room have been begging for.**

**Fanfiction Trauma**

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Chapter 22: A Good Story (With a Twist)

Will gathered the straws and passed them to his son. "You know the drill little man."

"Yep," Henry nodded before smiling. "And so do you daddy."

This time he nodded. "Yep."

"No peeking daddy."

"Sure thing."

"Awesome, I get to be security again!" Jack cheered excitedly. "Go on and turn around uncle Will."

And so he turned around with the rest reluctantly following in suit. Moments later and the children had finished their task.

"Done." Henry announced.

One by one they each began the process again; all prayed on being spared from reading.

"Sweet," JJ murmured. "It isn't me."

"Nor me." Rossi added happily.

"Darn it," Emily grumbled as she held up, what had now been dubbed 'The Straw of Death', in her hand. "Guess I'm reading."

A sudden knock caught their attention.

"Okay Morgan," Reid hissed. "Who did you call?"

"I didn't call anyone man!" He retorted.

"Well then who else did?" JJ added accusingly.

"Oh my God that's the pizza guy!" Morgan shouted as it sunk in.

Garcia chuckled. "Can you imagine if we were to bring him into all this?"

"Let's not give Derek any ideas." Emily joked.

Morgan paused by the door then shot the group a glare. "Don't just stare at me; fork over your share. They don't pay me enough to just buy three boxes of pizza."

"Oh right," Blake said before pulling out her wallet and soon the rest followed in suit.

When Morgan had the sufficient amount in his hand he headed towards the door.

"I'll head for the refreshments." Reid stated.

"I can help you out with that." Seaver replied.

"Thanks, I would appreciate that."

Morgan returned first with the boxes. "I don't know about you guys but I'm starving."

Kevin grinned. "You kidding me? Dude my stomach is about to kill me."

"Yay!" Jack and Henry cheered.

At that moment Reid and Seaver reentered with the juice, soda, and cups.

"Orders up." Seaver exclaimed as she dangled the cups.

Garcia smiled happily. "Okay, now this is starting to look like a party."

Blake chuckled. "If that's what you want to call it."

"Although when you think about it," Rossi chimed in with his own chuckle. "This is as close as it gets to a party for us."

"What more could we ask for than to be together like this," Hotch added as he turned to Emily and donned a rare smile. "Even Emily is here with us."

"Definitely," Garcia agreed. "You don't know how much I've missed you, heck, we all have."

"Skype just doesn't cut it nowadays; we need the real thing from time to time." JJ added delightfully.

Emily smiled sheepishly. "Thank you, all of you... really, thanks." There weren't any words that could come close to describing the intensity of emotions she felt for this group of people. It didn't take something as trivial as blood to connect them; the truth was that they were a family.

"Alright enough of the mushy stuff," Morgan cut in light-heartedly. "We got stomachs to satisfy." He began passing out the plastic plates while Reid served the drinks.

"This guy," JJ began as she pointed to Morgan and laughed. "You'll be happy to know has not changed one bit."

"Yup," Morgan grinned. "I'm still as charming and irresistible as you remember me to be."

"Oh, you were charming and irresistible?" Emily replied jokingly.

"Aww ouch," he feigned a wince. "Way to break a man's heart."

Seaver laughed and nudged his shoulder. "You know she's kidding Morgan."

"That's right," Emily confirmed. "I'm glad to be here with you, all of you; that includes you too Kevin."

Kevin smiled and since his mouth was currently preoccupied with chewing he settled for sending her a thumbs up.

Emily finished up and washed her hands before returning. "Well I guess I'll pay my dues now."

"Be my guest." Rossi replied jokingly as he took another bite of his pizza.

"Yep, don't mind us now." Will added. "We won't try to stop you or step in for you."

"You stepped in for JJ." Reid said.

"Well Spencer," he began before smiling in his wife's direction. "She's special."

JJ blushed lightly and returned the smile.

"Found one," Emily announced. "Get ready to lose some brain cells."

**Recollections Through Past Times**

Seaver raised a brow. "That title sounds pretty good actually."

"You should know not to get your hopes up kiddo." Rossi stated.

"Yeah, have you been under a rock?" Morgan added.

"Well I still can't help but pray." Seaver said.

**By SymbolicallyMotivated**

This time JJ raised a brow. "I think I'm starting to agree with Ashley; this username makes sense and isn't as lame as the previous ones."

"Almost makes you feel like someone other than a pre-teen wrote this." Blake exclaimed.

"I don't know," Garcia murmured. "It sounds too good to be true if you ask me."

**Summary: Many struggles and obstacles have forced their way into the lives of the BAU team. One of those people is Hotchner.**

Hotch sighed. "Joy."

"Have no fears boss man," Garcia soothed with a smile. "You're beloved family is here to pull you out from any shock, depression, hissy fit, or any other state that this story will most certainly leave you in."

He chuckled lightly. "I will forever be grateful for that Garcia."

"Hey I'll be right back," Kevin cut in. "Gotta use the can. Spencer, mind helping a bro out and telling him where the bathroom is?"

"Not at all. It's down the hall. You know what I'll show you since I'm getting up to wash my hands anyway."

"Thanks pal."

**So this will be written from his point of view. It will talk about things that he's gone through since joining the BAU. I hope you like this drabble.**

"What's a drabble?" Emily asked.

Morgan shrugged. "Beats me."

"Kevin," Garcia managed to call the analyst before he'd gone out the room. "What's a drabble?"

"Erm... I heard it before I know it, but I can't quite put my finger on it." Kevin replied, tapping his head a bit as though he was trying to jolt his memory. "Sorry."

"Don't sweat it dude," Will assured him. "We'll just wait and see."

"Yeah I'll try and remember." And with that Kevin made his exit.

Had Rossi not been tuning out the story he'd of been able to have answered the question.

**So I hope I don't get sued by Jeff Davis LOL.**

"Who?" They each asked.

**I've had such a hard life. My job has left me with several losses but I'm still here. I'm still alive and holding on. **

"I was expectin' the author to nail Aaron right from the get go." Will exclaimed.

"That makes two of us." Blake agreed.

Hotch cocked his head to the side in confusion. He was also expecting to get butchered as soon as the story had begun. Hopefully the damage won't be too bad this time around.

"Did I miss much?" Reid asked as he made his way back into the room.

"Hey kid, come check this out," Morgan said as he patted the spot next to him. "This one isn't looking as bad as the others."

This floored the boy genius instantly. "Really?"

**Even though I have lost so many important people I have to remain strong. How can I lose hope when I have my family here with me? **

"Where's the character bashing?" Rossi questioned. "Where's the OOC?"

"Yeah, how come he isn't gettin' bashed?" Will added slightly annoyed by the fact.

"I told you guys there was something off about this one." Seaver stated.

"And I'm starting to agree." Emily said.

"This is definitely odd." Reid added.

**They have always been by side throughout all my problems. They've helped me cope with some of the most heart wrenching ordeals. I don't think I can be happier to have them. **

"Can it be..." Garcia murmured softly. "Have we finally found the one?"

"I can't believe it," JJ added just as astounded as the tech beside her. "After shoving through countless Mary Sues, Gary Stus, OOC, and character bashing we've finally found it."

"Let me add that by character bashing you mean bashing of Kevin and me," Will corrected. "And why does Aaron get the one good story?"

"I'm also curious as to that." Morgan agreed. It was clear that he wasn't too pleased that his boss was getting the one and only good story; he'd been here longer after all.

Hotch on the other hand couldn't be more pleased.

"I'm back." Kevin announced once he'd returned.

"Any luck remembering?" Blake asked.

"No, my bad. It's like it's right in front of me and yet still outta my reach."

**So that is why I will not quit. I will continue doing all that I can. **

Emily suddenly stopped reading and stared at the computer in surprise.

"What's wrong?" Hotch asked.

For a moment she sat there blinking, then scrolled down in a futile attempt to find more of the story.

Nothing.

She coughed nervously, not sure of what exactly to do.

"So are you gonna finish or what?" Morgan said.

"She's probably savoring the moment Derek," Rossi cut in. "Can you blame her?"

"Yeah," Blake agreed. "This is it; we're finally done. We've finally found a good story; we can go home now and head straight into denial and pretend this day never happened."

"That's it..." Emily finally spoke.

Will grinned and patted her shoulder. "Yeah I know; feels good huh? We're finally gonna go home."

"Right, so hurry up and finish," Morgan rushed her. "We aren't getting any younger."

"No," she tried again as they'd misinterpreted her words. "I meant that that's it for the story."

"Huh?" Seaver replied.

"That's it," Emily repeated. "That's all there is to the story."

"You gotta be friggin' kidding me!" Morgan complained as he rushed to read over her shoulder.

"Well?" Rossi said in an impatient tone. He was eager to return home, preferably for some nice wine.

It only took about a minute for Morgan to read the short story. Once he'd gotten his answer he lowered his head in defeat.

Garcia noticed his downcast look but she still had to know; had to hear it. "Is there more? Please oh please say yeah."

"No, I'm sorry."

Rossi, whom had just finished rereading the story, shook his head. "I can't believe it... they were right. That's it."

Hotch frowned. "It can't be." He headed for the screen and like the other profilers he was met with the same results.

"Hotch tell me they were joking." Seaver begged.

"It appears it isn't a joke Ashley."

"That really is it." Reid mumbled sadly, his voice sounding hoarse as if he had yelled for hours. He couldn't believe it, no, he refused to believe it. Finally they had found one that sounded promising, and yet...

Suddenly Kevin jumped up with his pointer finger raised triumphantly to the sky. "Guys I just remembered! A drabble is a short story that—"

The group shot him a glare as they pretty much knew what a drabble was already.

Kevin immediately sat down and silenced himself. "Shutting up now."

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**Author's Notes**

**Ooooh so close guys, so close. Unfortunately it looks like the team will have to continue the trek towards a good (and long) story. On a side note by the way, drabbles can be really great; I have definitely read several. And in case if you didn't know Jeff Davis is the creator of Criminal Minds.**

**Till next time :)**


	23. Chapter 23

**Appreciate the feedback as always guys. This topic was something I have been sleeping on for too long so I had to add it; everyone has been requesting it and it's my duty to aim to please.**

**Fanfiction Trauma**

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**Wow **_KASEY64_**, you're my 600th reviewer. What an awesome coincidence since you were the first reviewer to give me my first 100th mark.**

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Chapter 23: Femslash

"I am utterly speechless right now." Rossi muttered.

"This is so wrong," Will added as he swung his arms up in the air. "The one fanfiction that actually doesn't sound too bad just had to be the shortest one too didn't it?"

Garcia sighed. "I knew it was too good to be true."

"Jesus, that was like a bad punchline." Kevin groaned. "I can't believe I didn't remember in time to save us."

"This is complete bull," Morgan complained while he paced around the limited space left in the room. "We finally find a good story and it turns out to be like ten words."

"Oh um, actually it was a hundred words." Reid corrected.

"Whatever." He retorted while continuing to pace.

"Would you cut that out already Derek," JJ groaned as she clutched her head. "You're starting to give me a headache."

Morgan frowned and halted for about two seconds before sitting himself down, albeit frown still present. "This sucks."

"No kidding," Seaver agreed from where she stood. "That's not right."

Emily tore her gaze away from the screen as if it emitted a bad smell. "How can a freaking ten worded story be a story?"

"A hundred words," Reid corrected again.

Emily shot him a glare. "Put a cork in it already."

"Well I kind of liked it," Blake stated. "It was short and to the point; there was no excessive amount of unnecessary details and no OOC."

"True," Hotch agreed. "Most of these long ones have been nothing but torture; at the very least this was too short to actually do any harm."

"I guess we should look at the glass half full then." Kevin said.

The room stood silent for a moment. They all had been avoiding the question on their mind, which is until Morgan spoke up.

"Okay, elephant in the room," he began. "So I'll say it, does this count? Like was this the 'one'?"

"I don't know..." Garcia murmured. "Seems like it didn't exactly meet expectations."

"No kiddin'," Will agreed. "I thought after all the pile of mess we've been readin' the good story would finally make it all worth it."

"I'll tell you one thing son," Rossi began as he pointed to the story still visible through the screen. "There was nothing of worth in that story."

"So I guess that answers it then." JJ added.

"This is unacceptable!" Seaver snapped as she made her way over to the chair. "I'll get us out of here once and for all."

"You go superstar!" Garcia cheered.

"Aww," Henry whined. "I wanted to do the straw thing again."

Seaver smiled. "Sorry little man, next one will be on you. Okay?"

He nodded satisfied with the response. "Okay."

"I'm glad Ashley stepped up to the plate." Kevin said. "Because I definitely didn't want to read."

"We're all in agreement." Hotch replied.

"Hey I know," Blake suddenly spoke up and got their attention. "Since the story we read was as close as it got to a good story I think, we should look up the username and see if they've written another one."

"That's genius!" Emily said before turning to Seaver. "Hey Ashley, you heard that?"

"Way ahead of you," Seaver said as she clicked on the username. "Here goes."

"Well?" Reid asked.

A second later and Seaver had slammed her head on the keyboard. "This author specializes in _only_ drabble stories."

"Well ain't that just peachy." Rossi commented dryly.

"So I suppose we're back to the drawing board." Hotch added.

"We should've so expected that one." Garcia said with a frown.

"I don't see how this could possibly get any worse." Emily growled as Seaver began searching again.

"Careful," Kevin warned. "That could come back to bite you."

"What's worse than this?"

"Found one." Seaver interrupted.

**False Feelings**

**By BitchezRuleOvaDicks**

"My, what a lovely name," Rossi commented dryly. "Very expressive."

"I don't even think it's allowed to have usernames with curse words." Kevin added. "I mean it's a site for all ages including children."

"Well by the look of things it looks like a child wrote this." Morgan exclaimed.

"Hmm... I'm curious Kevin, do you write any stories?" Blake asked.

"Who, me? No, I don't write any I just review them."

**Summary: Emily—**

"Oh joy, I'm included." Emily said with zero enthusiasm.

**has never once in her life liked Will.**

The detective facepalmed.

Emily chuckled and patted his shoulder. "Don't worry Will it isn't true. The entire group here is important to me, including you."

"Heh, thanks."

**He was never the one for JJ especially since he wasn't who she deserved.**

"And who am I to decide who's good for JJ? We're not in high school; she's a big girl who can very well make decisions for herself; proof enough for that is that she chose Will, whom is a great guy for her."

Will smiled sheepishly and pulled JJ closer. "I couldn't agree more."

**But little does she know that she's in for a huge surprise. Contains femslash.**

"Huh?" Seaver murmured before turning to a red faced Kevin. "What's femslash?"

"Well... um, er..." Kevin fumbled for the words; he knew the ladies wouldn't be pleased. "It's uh, the opposite of slash."

"What?!" The women shouted.

"Oh really," Morgan smirked. "Doesn't sound too bad if you ask me."

"Why don't we give it a try," Rossi suggested wearing the same cheshire grin as Morgan. "I think it sounds like it's worth a shot."

"Why don't any of your responses to femslash surprise me," Blake stated with a sigh. "Men."

**Emily watched as JJ was currently on her phone having a shouting fight with none other than Will again. She rolled her eyes and sighed. What JJ saw in that loser she had no clue. **

"So I'm gonna go ahead and assume this is an Emily and JJ pairing." Garcia pointed out.

"Like hell," Emily quickly denied her character's role in the story. "There's no proof to support that theory."

"Well you are the main character." Kevin added.

"That doesn't prove it's me," she argued. "For all we know I could just be playing wing woman for JJ and settling her with someone else."

"Could be." Reid further supported.

"But I wanted JJ and Emily together." Morgan complained only to receive several pointed glances. "Hehe, of course this all just wishful thinking."

**"Staring again?"**

**She blushed and shot Derek a glare. "Shut up!"**

**"Hey, I'm just calling it like I see it." He said with a laugh. "Just admit it, you're crazy about her."**

**"Okay... I am."**

Emily slammed her head on the wall. "Not irony again... anything but the irony."

JJ pinched the bridge of her nose. "Why have I been paired up with everyone?"

Morgan chuckled. "Tell me about it. The only one they haven't paired you up with is Rossi's dog."

**"But she's with Will," Derek deduced with a sad look. "I think you're way better for her."**

**"If only she could see that." Emily replied before grabbing her files of her desk. "I'm handing these to Hotch, later."**

**"I can't stand it," Penelope exclaimed as she approached Derek. "They belong together. Why can't JJ see it? I don't know what she sees in a lying rat like Will."**

"Why do these stories always portray me as either a lying rat, a cheating rat, or both?" Will asked with a frown. "If they claim to be such big know-it-alls then I'd very much like to know when I have lied or cheated on JJ."

"You tell'em Willy." Garcia said with a high five.

**"We should let JJ know how Emily feels about her cuz otherwise she'll never find out." **

"I'd like to point out that I'm not really the guy to meddle in other people's love life." Morgan said.

**"Great idea! We'll tell her at Rossi's party." Penelope replied. "Today we'll get them to finally admit their feelings for one another."**

"I can't believe this," JJ groaned. "What is wrong with these authors? Hopefully I'm not made out to be OOC."

"I'm under the suspicion that the authors do this on purpose." Seaver stated. "They probably hate all of us."

"You may be onto something." Hotch agreed.

**Later that day Emily arrived to Rossi's mansion for the party. She honestly wasn't in the mood to party but he'd insisted on her going so here she was. The place was already buzzing when she'd arrived. She went straight to the kitchen for a drink.**

**Her eyes suddenly landed on the blond woman who'd been running through her mind. Her jaw almost fell off. JJ was looking finer than ever she just wished she could have her for dinner.**

Morgan grinned wickedly. "Well how bout' that, two hot ladies engaging in a love buffet. Now that is something I can sink my teeth into."

Emily frowned and elbowed his ribs. "Shut your corny ass up."

**She frowned when she noticed the man next to her. Though, she figured she should've seen it coming.**

**Across from the kitchen Penelope had watched the scene. She rushed over to JJ. "Hey got a minute, good."**

**"Where are you going?" Will asked.**

**"Girl talk." Was all Penelope replied.**

"It really does sort of bother me how Will always gets the short end of the stick in all the stories." Rossi exclaimed. "He's about to get dumped."

"Yeah," Garcia agreed. "Willy is also a part of the family."

"It's such a good thing we don't really act like children in real life." Blake stated. "Can you imagine?"

Reid cringed. "I'd rather not."

**"Thanks for the rescue." JJ said. "God he's so insufferable."**

**"It's nothing. If you're so upset why don't you leave him? You know some people would kill to be with you."**

**"Pfft, yeah right. Like who?"**

**"Well a certain girl drinking in the kitchen does. You may know her."**

"Here it comes." Hotch grumbled.

"When have I ever shown any signs of loving JJ?" Emily exclaimed angrily. "Oh that's right, never."

**JJ's eyes widened slightly before shaking her head. "I can't... I'm with someone."**

**"You're unhappy with him and you deserve to be happy."**

**"But... we're married."**

**"So what! Just get a divorce and that's it."**

Will frowned. "Way to spit on the bond of marriage."

Hotch was also appalled at how the author could play around with marriage. "Clearly this person has no morals if they write out the sacredness of marriage as nothing more than an obstacle in the way."

**"You know what? You're right. I'm going over there now."**

Reid furrowed his brows in confusion. "So... just like that?"

"It's fanfiction Spencer, what'd you expect?" Seaver answered with a chuckle.

**She walked over to where Emily was by the bathroom. "I have something to tell you."**

**"Huh? What's up?"**

**"I love you."**

"That didn't take long." Kevin joked.

JJ frowned at her portrayal. "God this stupid. I'm not in love with Spence; I'm not in love with Hotch; I'm not in love with Rossi; I'm not in love with Morgan; and I'm most certainly not in love with Emily. The love of my life is Will. Can we quit butchering my character already for God's sake?"

**Emily wasted no time in shoving JJ inside the bathroom and pressing her lips to her. She wanted to ravish the woman like crazy.**

Emily could have died at the moment. Her character was acting like some hormonal teenage boy. She buried her head on Hotch's shoulder, whom eyed her sympathetically and patted her shoulder. He knew what it felt like to be portrayed in an OOC hormonal manner.

Morgan did a wolf whistle. "And we officially have lift off."

"Do you ever shut up Derek?" JJ growled.

"Nope."

**"What about Henry?" JJ asked breathlessly.**

"How nice of my character to just now remember about her son."

**"He can move in with us. We'll both be moms to him and Will can take a hike."**

Henry tilted his head in childlike confusion. "Uh I alweady' have a mommy... I don't want another. I have daddy too and I love daddy. I don't want him to leave."

"And daddy loves you and he'll always be by your side." Will said as he brought the boy into his arms. "Because that's how things truly are with us, right buddy?"

"You bet!"

**"Sounds like a plan. Now shall we take this to Rossi's bed?"**

**"Damn right."**

Rossi grimaced. "Now that is just disturbing. I have several guest rooms in my mansion, use those instead."

**An: That shall be all for chapter one. Make sure you put this on your alerts or you'll miss out on the fun.**

"Like I'd add this story to my alerts." Seaver said as she hopped off the chair. "Sorry guys, I guess I couldn't find us a good story."

"No one blames you kiddo." Rossi replied.

"I liked it." Morgan exclaimed.

The women all shot him a death glare.

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**I'm no fan of femslash but it's been requested the most and it's actually quite the popular pairing. I have no problems with the pairing or genre though. Anyways, terribly sorry for making you wait guys :(**


	24. Chapter 24

**Here we are yet again my friends. I love the feedback I've been getting and all the reviews. This topic was something I've never heard of till recently. Credit goes to **_TheMysteriousGeek2345_** for giving me the idea.**

**Fanfiction Trauma**

* * *

**Haha **_ChekhovTheTrope_**, your comment made my day. I agree with you and good luck with your story whenever you write it :)**

* * *

Chapter 24: Spencer/Map (yes, the map)

Emily crossed her arms. "Only you Derek would love femslash."

"C'mon princess, it wasn't that bad." Morgan replied.

"Yeah, it was much worse." JJ added with a frown.

"It amazes me how we're just randomly paired up with whomever the author wants." Rossi stated. "Like some sick never-ending merry go round."

Reid winced. "I don't think I've ever felt this violated in my life."

"Guys I think we bit off more than we could chew." Seaver said. "I don't think there's a good story anywhere in this section."

"No kiddin', I mean we've read dozens by now and still nada." Will agreed.

"Well we're too neck deep in this sinkhole to just step out now." Blake exclaimed.

"I think that's exactly what we should do," Emily replied. "We should all just 'step out' of here. It's clear we're never finding the _one_."

"She's right," Hotch said. "I'm actually fearing for our sanity especially Reid."

"Well I don't care if it takes all night," Garcia stated determinedly. "I don't know about you guys but I plan on finding a good story written about us. I won't give up until I do."

"That's my baby girl!" Morgan cheered as he gave her a high five. "You know I'd never leave you alone to tackle this mess. I'm staying too."

"Count me in too then." JJ said.

Will grinned. "If JJ stays I stay."

"Guess my fate's sealed," Seaver added. "Cause there's no way I'd abandon you guys— heck, make it anyone, with Fanfiction dot net."

"Amen to that." Rossi chimed in.

"So that settles it." Hotch concluded. "We all deal with this together."

"That means I draw straws!" Henry cheered happily.

"Oh that's right," Seaver nodded. "I promised you'd handle this one." She picked up the straws and handed it to the boy. "Here ya go."

"Thanks Ashwey'."

The team waited patiently as the two children shuffled the straws and ordered them not to peek.

"Done." Henry announced.

The process began again and the adults started selecting a straw which they prayed wasn't the doomed one.

"Thank goodness, it isn't me." Rossi said.

Garcia smiled. "I'm safe too."

"Darn it!" Kevin complained as he held the straw nobody wanted to hold. "Guess I'm reading. I hope I don't click on one of my haters."

"Don't worry man, I got your back." Will assured him.

"Appreciate it brother."

"Who would've thought we'd spend our one day off like this?" Blake joked lightly.

"I sure didn't." Reid replied.

"Let's just be glad that we're in this together." JJ added. "I don't think even the craziest person in the world can live through this."

Emily chuckled. "Imagine if we'd use this as a means of making someone talk." This earned a laugh from the group.

"Got one." Kevin called.

**Destination Location**

"Destination Location?" Garcia repeated. "So, don't they mean the same thing?"

"Not technically," Reid corrected. "They have very slightly different meanings."

"But using them in the same sentence like that makes zero sense." Emily replied.

"It's not even creative." Rossi added.

**By 69HotchsWifey69**

Hotch twitched but chose not to verbalize his displeasure.

"So this person is Hotch's fangirl," Morgan pointed out. "Hopefully she isn't as creepy as the one Will had."

Will cringed. "Boy, don't go remindin' me."

**Summary: Reid****—**

"Aaahh!"

**can't suppress the feelings anymore.**

"Oh God," JJ groaned. "Not another love story. Please not another one."

**It's a guilty pleasure and he knows it but it's too overwhelming. The feelings won't leave him and he's had enough. **

"Another guessing game," Seaver muttered in an uninterested manner.

"You'd think people would get tired of that and try something new." Kevin replied.

**It was another finished case; a case in Seattle that had been another success. **

**"Everyone, let's return to the hotel." Aaron said. "It's late so we're going to call it a day. We'll head home tomorrow morning."**

**"Good thing because I'm exhausted." Derek replied. "Just thinking about this is making me sleepy."**

"This story is making me sleepy." Will said.

**"Hey Reid****—**

"Aaahh!"

**you coming?" Dave asked.**

**"I'm coming."**

"Heh," Morgan chuckled and he nudged Emily whom was beside him. "Hey Em, that's what she said."

Emily sighed. "Will you grow up?"

**He paused to glance at the map hanging by the bulletin board. This was crazy and he knew it.**

**But it was so tempting.**

"Huh?" Blake said confusedly. "What is?"

**It had helped them out through the entirety of the case. That was his specialty after all; using the map to build geological profiles.**

"Geological profiles?" Seaver repeated with an amused smirk.

Rossi chucked lightly. "I think they meant to put geographic profiles."

**His hands shook as he saw all the details that the piece of paper had to offer.**

"Ooookay," Will exclaimed. He was feeling a bit disturbed by this story.

**Without another word he grabbed the paper—**

Garcia laughed. "Okay, who else pictured Reid just grabbing the map and stealing it?"

Reid sighed as the room snickered. "I would never steal anything."

**and placed it close to his chest, almost protectively. He relished as the material made contact with his hands. The paper felt smooth and he breathed in happily as the scent of old paper reached his nose.**

"Okay, okay, okay, cut!" Morgan interrupted with a disturbed expression. "Why is Reid getting all weird with the map?"

The adults exchanged glances with one another hoping someone would speak up.

"Well," Blake broke the silence. "Maybe it's nothing; maybe there's an explanation."

"She's right," Seaver added. "We shouldn't tread into dangerous waters like Fanfiction dot net. I say we don't break our heads trying to figure out this site and its contents."

It was safe to say everyone was in agreement.

**He hid it in his jacket and boarded the car where the team had been waiting.**

**"Took you long enough." JJ joked. **

**"What happened?" Aaron asked.**

**He coughed nervously. "Um nothing, I just forgot something." **

**They couldn't know about this. They would never understand how he feels.**

"I don't understand how you feel!" Reid snapped in annoyance. "And you're supposed to be me? Why are you so OOC?"

"Wow," Will muttered. "This site sure has some very disturbing topics."

"Kevin, I really do not see how you can read any stories on this horrible site." Hotch added.

"I resent that guys," Kevin argued. "I'll have you know that the people I'm following are great writers and their stories are awesome."

"If you say so," Rossi replied unconvinced.

**"Ready to go then?" Aaron said.**

**"I am so ready."**

Morgan grinned. "That's what she said."

Emily just shook her head in annoyance.

**He was extremely relieved when he was in the confines of his hotel room. It was pretty cheap but at least he didn't have to share. He made sure to lock his door before spreading the map out onto the bed.**

**This was what he'd been thinking about through the entire day, not the unsub nor the case had caught his mind like the map did.**

"So let me get this straight," Morgan cut in with a frown. "While we were dealing with an unsub Reid was wanting to get it on with a map?"

"Yeah." Everyone answered.

"Okay."

**The genius slowly and hesitantly climbed onto the bed and positioned himself next to map. She was beautiful.**

"It's an inanimate object," Reid pointed out. "It has no gender and it most certainly isn't beautiful, helpful, yes, but beautiful? No."

**He lowered his lips to brush against the dull, frayed edges and timidly caressed the material.**

"Alright this is seriously gross." Will stated.

"Tell me about it... not to mention kinda strange." Kevin added. "You should probably see a doctor about those types of weird impulses."

"Dear Lord," Blake gasped. "The things these people write."

Hotch sighed in frustration. "This has gotten so out of hand."

"Well at least I'm not getting bashed." Kevin exclaimed happily.

Will grinned and high fived him. "I hear that man!"

**His heart raced as he inhaled the scent of old paper. For what reasons had he denied himself this?**

"I'm sure I can think of a few." Blake sarcastically said.

"Man, I hope you wear a condom Reid." Morgan joked. "Or at least I hope you bought the nice piece of paper dinner first."

Reid sighed as some in the room snickered.

Rossi chuckled. "And do I hear wedding bells?"

"Can you imagine how horrible the ceremony would be?" Emily said.

"I think can," Will joined in. "It'll go something like this, 'I now pronounce you man and map'."

**The next morning Spencer—**

"Aaahh!"

**awoke feeling extremely relaxed and rejuvenated. He felt like a million dollars. Next to him lay the reason to his happiness. She was looking beautiful but exhausted.**

"Why are you giving an object human characteristics?" Reid groaned. "It's not a person. It can't be exhausted!"

"And thus, this story has proven yet again the typical age of this entire fandom's users." Seaver stated.

**Their night together had been amazing. He could and would never forget the feeling of taking her; of filling her completely.**

"Way too many information dude," Kevin grimaced. "I totally didn't need to hear that."

Garcia paled in disgust. "How does something like that even work?"

"And we thought unsubs had psychotic minds, these fanfiction authors are even more psychotic." Rossi joked.

**A knock on the door caught his attention. He turned to the door. "Yeah?"**

**"Yo we're leaving kid!" Derek spoke from outside the door. "Move it!"**

**"Just a second, I'm about to come!"**

"Hah, that's what—"

"Derek you say 'that's what she said' one more time and I'm gonna pop you."

**An - The next chapter is coming soon so get ready. Next chapter we're gonna have some jealousy by Derek.**

"For God's sake!" The profiler groaned. "Hey Kev get us the hell out of this story before I puke."

"Can do!" The tech replied as he clicked out of the poorly written story. "We're officially in the clear now."

"Thank the Lord." Blake replied.

Reid cringed. "Wow that was just a creepy story."

"That's putting it mildly." Hotch added. "Well, let's carry on."

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**I had no clue these types of stories existed. And here I thought Mpreg was weird lmao. Anyway, terribly sorry for the late update I've just been having a lot on my plate.**

**A special thanks to those who've added me to their author alerts' and whom have read my other stories. Rock on!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Yeah I know guys, I suck at updating. It's nice to know you're all getting a good laugh though as that was the entire point of making this fanfic.**

**Fanfiction Trauma**

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**Thanks **_bandgeek18_ **for being my 700 reviewer! At this rate I may reach 1000!**

**Don't feel self conscious **_Duality98_**, believe me when I tell you that what ever you write won't suck as much as what the crew has been reading.**

**No **_ellierocks12_**, that story wasn't based of a Dora the Explorer story. I've never watched that show. Sorry for being a slow updater :(**

* * *

Chapter 25: Spencer/Hotch (Spotch... or whatever the pairing is called)

Garcia sighed. "Guess it is back to the straws."

"It feels like we're never going to see the end of this doesn't it?" Rossi commented bitterly.

"Yeah," Emily answered. "We're never going to find the _one_."

"Still though," Blake murmured. "We have to keep going."

"Yeah, what kind of profilers would we be if we didn't see things through to the end?" Morgan added.

"Pretty lame ones." Kevin answered with a chuckle.

"Exactly, I for one am not a lame profiler."

"Although I would've worded it differently than Morgan, he's right." Hotch said.

Will nodded. "Let's get back to searching then."

This time Jack took the straws and Henry played security. It was clear to anyone who entered that the young children were the only ones whom were enjoying themselves.

"Okay, go." Jack said as he held the bundle of straws up.

The group sighed and began the process once more.

"And I have dodged the bullet!" Garcia cheered happily.

"That makes two of us." Emily said.

Hotch groaned as he held the one object no one wanted to hold. "It seems I'm reading."

"Seems like it," Rossi joked as he maneuvered him towards the laptop. "Try not to look too excited there Aaron."

"Yeah save some for us." JJ added teasingly.

"Don't worry boss man, I've got your back." Garcia assured him with a smile.

"Thank you Garcia." Hotch replied as he scanned the list of what had been dubbed as suck-tacular stories.

"So who wants to bet against the idea that the next one is going to suck as well?" Morgan asked only to laugh at everyone who shot him a glare.

"Do you realize how unfair those odds are?" JJ replied.

"That's like a hundred to one." Emily exclaimed.

"Nah I know that. I was only messing with you guys." Morgan responded. "I didn't seriously mean it. I know how much they suck and how impossible it'd be to find a good one."

"Found one." Hotch cut in.

**My Protector**

**By UnsubsSuckButtz**

"That's one way of defining them." Seaver said earning some laughs.

"These guys and their usernames are hilarious." Morgan exclaimed while laughing.

**Summary: There's a crazy unsub who's set his sights on none other than Spencer—**

"Aaahh!"

**Reid.**

"Aaahh!"

Rossi sighed. "They just had to use his full name didn't they?"

**He's been targeting Spencer—**

"Aaahh!"

**Reid—**

"Aaahh!"

Emily frowned. "Seriously?"

**for a while now and he's run out of patience. Luckily for Spencer—**

"Aaahh!"

"Oh come on!" The group yelled in exasperation.

Hotch pinched the bridge of his nose. "Garcia, please cover Reid's ears. I think this may be a case of excessive repetition."

"You got it sir!" Garcia replied before shuffling towards Reid. "You heard the boss."

"There's really no need... I'm fine." Reid replied feeling sheepish about being babied.

"Nope, no arguments. Now come over here sugar."

He sighed in defeat. "Fine."

**Reid he has someone protecting him. Watch as Spencer Reid deals with all the mess aimed towards him.**

"Done?" Reid asked.

Hotch nodded and the tech removed her hands from the man's ears. "That was much better than having you hear, right?"

I guess so... thanks guys."

**The day had just about finished for the team and all that was left was to crash on their beds and call it a day.**

**But for—**

"Please tell me they aren't going to do this again." JJ grumbled.

"Garcia." Hotch said.

"Sir yes sir!" Garcia replied before clamping two hands over the exasperated genius.

**Spencer Reid there was a horrible ordeal about to be unleashed on him.**

"Nice call guys." Kevin said.

"I really don't see why they use your entire name." Blake stated. "One or the other should be fine."

"Exactly," Morgan agreed. "It isn't like there's another guy called Spencer in the team but him."

**He was headed to his usual parking spot in the parking lot. Somehow he couldn't shake that eerie feeling and the air felt strangely chillier than before. It felt ominous.**

Will raised a brow. "I've seen enough fanfiction stories to know he's about to get kidnapped."

"Why is everyone always getting kidnapped?" Seaver groaned. "We're not that vulnerable."

"Yeah, it isn't like we're agents working under elite forces or anything." Blake added jokingly.

**While he was placing his jacket in the car a man who had been hiding jumped out.**

"It's a trap!" Reid joked before pausing. "Oh wait... I'm getting kidnapped!"

**He placed a rag with chloroform over his face and made him sleep. He was taking him alive.**

"Why chloroform?" Will asked. "If they want to keep you— I mean, your character, alive that is."

"It's quite the common misconception," Reid answered. "In movies when an unsub—"

"Killer," Kevin corrected.

"Right, when a killer kidnaps someone by placing a moist rag over their mouth it's assumed by the average person to be chloroform, although this is not necessarily the case, especially if the intent was to keep the target alive. This is because even a bit too much could prove fatal."

"So what's usually used?" Garcia asked.

"Desflurane, sevoflurane, isoflurane, enflurane, and halothane," this time Hotch answered before turning to Reid and chuckling. "Am I right?"

"You're correct Hotch."

**The next day he hadn't shown up at the conference room when the rest did.**

**"Where's the kid?" Derek said.**

**Hotch tensed. "Have any of you called him?"**

**"I'll do it." Blake replied.**

Blake sighed. "Out of the thousands of stories published I'd say about ninety percent don't include me, so tell me, what are the odds that we land on the ten percent that does?"

JJ reached out and patted her arm sympathetically.

**A minute later and she returned to the conference room. "I'm only getting his voicemail."**

**"We have to check his house!" Hotch said already rushing out.**

**"What about the case?" Penelope called out to him.**

**"Fuck it!" He shouted.**

Hotch had to pause to run a hand through his hair. He couldn't believe his characterization or lack thereof.

"I appreciate the warning about the OOC." Rossi stated sarcastically.

**They began retracing their lost member's steps eventually landing on his still parked car.**

**"Something is definitely odd here." David said with a frown. "He's still parked here."**

**"Let's dust it for prints." Derek suggested.**

"Shouldn't that be a job for the CSI unit?" Seaver said.

**Meanwhile...**

**"W-Where am I?" The room was dark and his groggy mind could hardly make any objects out.**

**"You are finally awake." The kidnapper spoke.**

**"Who are you?"**

**"That doesn't matter. All that matters is that this is your new home."**

**"What?" His senses we're just about back.**

**"You belong to me know."**

**He panicked. What will he do? We're the others searching for him? He hoped so because he had no clue what to do? A rescue tactic was a must.**

Reid sighed. "Do I always have to be a damsel in distress in these stories? I may not be as big as Morgan but I can handle myself well enough in solo situations or under extreme circumstances. I'd like to believe that I've matured and changed throughout my years in the BAU."

"Don't worry Reid, we know that." Seaver assured him. "Don't let the stories get to you. I can definitely see you've changed."

He smiled. "Thanks Ashley."

"I agree with her." Emily added with a smile.

**Back at the BAU the team was racking their brains trying to find their missing teammate.**

**Hotch faced JJ. "JJ didn't Reid—**

"Aaahh!"

**tell you about some problem where he felt he was being watched?"**

**"Oh yeah he did!"**

JJ shook her head in an annoyed manner. "How nice of my character to have just remembered that important detail."

**JJ said. "I can't believe I forgot. I remember telling him he was being paranoid."**

"And how nice of my character to have just blown off one of her supposed most precious friends."

**"We have to take it from there then." Hotch replied holding in his anger. If anything happened to the genius he'd go insane. He didn't know if he'd be able to cope with losing another person he cared about, especially him. The man hadn't left his thoughts since his initial joining of the team.**

Rossi frowned slightly. "I don't think I like where this is headed."

Hotch sighed once again. "Had I just arrived here I would've stated how it's normal for me to be worried about a teammate, but," this time he paused to rub his temple. "I think by now it's been established what these things usually lead to."

Morgan scoffed. "Thanks for the slash warning."

"Hmm... usually the authors put warnings for this type of fiction." Kevin stated.

"Well this one clearly missed the memo." Will replied.

Garcia smirked. "Boss man and boy genius huh? Yeah, I can dig it."

"What will I do with you?" Reid grumbled.

"Hey, I'm just glad this takes place after my departure and not before." Emily added feeling the need to point that fact out.

**Back at the hideout...**

**"Are you comfortable?" The kidnapper, who had introduced himself as Stan, asked.**

**"Untie me... please." The genius begged. He couldn't take this.**

**"We tried that already." Stan said as he rubbed a bruise on the man's face. "You can't be trusted dear."**

**(BANG!)**

**The boor burst open and the team entered. **

"That didn't take long." Garcia said.

"What were you expecting, a plot?" Seaver joked.

**They immediately emptied their clips on him without skipping a beat.**

Kevin cringed. "Ouch, that sure brings back bad memories."

**"Guys." The exhausted captive muttered.**

**Hotch ran towards him and pulled the rope off his weak and fragile body. The guy definitely bruised easily so that was why he needed to be watched constantly.**

Reid twitched but remained silent.

**"There's an ambulance outside, you'll be okay now."**

**"I'm just glad you're here Hotch. You saved me."**

"I mean it was a team effort but sure, just thank Hotch." Morgan said sarcastically. "Hey kid, your character in this story is a douche."

**At the hospital Hotch had remained by his lover's side—**

"Oh come on! Must I _really_ be paired with everyone?" Reid snapped.

**through the entire time. When he finally awoke Hotch made sure to place a loving kiss on him.**

**"Nnghh, hey I'm tired and I need to get better."**

**"I understand." He said glumly.**

**"I'm glad. When I get better we can do that."**

**Hotch nodded."I hope you get better soon though. I can barely contain myself."**

The unit chief had to resist the urge to slam his head on the wall repeatedly.

**Fin**

**A/N - This is my third story with these two XD! Make sure you review.**

"Why would we review a hunk of OOC junk?" Kevin said.

"And no surprise that this wasn't the _one_ we were looking for either." Blake murmured.

"That was my torture." Hotch said as he happily got off the chair. "If I read anymore of this type of story I may have to be placed in the emergency room."

No one could've told for sure if he were joking or not but they figured —or profiled— that he wasn't.

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**Not exactly my pairing so I improvised again. This was requested by my buddy **_bandgeek18_** and I think by someone else too but I forgot who exactly.**

**Keep those requests coming :)**


	26. Chapter 26

**Sup guys, I'm back for another one. I finally managed to get this done. Here's a Twilight crossover as requested by **_PrettyInPink_**, enjoy.**

**Fanfiction Trauma**

* * *

**Wow, **_mollyk5_** you truly flatter me. Thanks for writing such a lovely review. I'm thrilled that I can brighten your day even a bit. And thanks for being a fan since chapter one :)**

* * *

Chapter 26: Criminal Twilight

Morgan sighed as Hotch hopped off the seat. "I guess it's back to square one."

"Back?" Emily scoffed. "You're acting as if we've made any sort of progress, we haven't. Therefore we've never gotten pass square one."

"She's right you know." Will added. "We've been rooted to square one."

"I guess that throws my whole 'it gets better as we progress' theory." Seaver said.

"That's too bad," JJ stated. "Since that was the only thing giving us hope."

"I for one would like to believe that, although we've remained in square one since this ordeal started, we've at least stepped closer to square two." Blake added.

"I'll take it." Garcia replied.

"Well, let's get it over with." Rossi groaned knowing full well he should've fled while he had the chance.

The straws were given to Henry and shuffled before being handed out.

"Praise the Lord for I have dodged the bullet." Will cheered.

Kevin gave him a high five. "Likewise brother!"

JJ stared at the straw in her hand with absolute contempt. "Joy, I get to read."

"Ouch, good luck." Morgan replied.

Will stood proudly. "I'll read for you!"

JJ smiled before shaking her head. "I can't keep doing that to you Will. Don't worry, I can handle this one."

"Right," he nodded. "I'll be here by your side through it all then."

"It's a bit scary," Emily began with a slight shiver. "Not knowing what sort of catastrophe you're gonna find."

"Totally," Kevin agreed. "I'm glad the stuff I read isn't this creepy or weird."

"The only literature that should be published or written is those made by official authors." Rossi exclaimed. "Such as I."

"And Dr. Seuss." Reid added.

"Yes Reid, and Dr. Seuss."

"Hey I got one." JJ called out.

The group huddled by the computer chair and took their seats.

**Hunters and Hunted **

**By MegaKevinFan**

"Sweet," Kevin grinned. "That's my golden VIP ticket to the non-bashed seats section."

Will chuckled. "Feels good when you know you won't be bashed doesn't it?"

"Most definitely."

**Summary: This will be an epic crossover with one of my favorite books.**

"A book crossover?" Blake repeated. "That doesn't sound too bad."

"It's fanfiction." Hotch simply stated.

"Oh..." She murmured before lowering her head in disappointment. "Right."

Rossi gently patted her shoulder.

**The book is called Twilight.**

"Noooo!" Morgan cried out dramatically. "My worst nightmare!"

"Out of all the books in the world they land on this one." Rossi added with a sigh.

"I'm interested." Reid said and earned a shocked look from the two. "It's because I have absolutely no clue what Twilight is. JJ mentioned it at one point but I never got the chance to look into it."

"It's a crappy book Reid. There, I just saved you an early death." Seaver replied. "And add to it the combination of being mixed with fanfiction and you've got yourself a recipe for disaster, guaranteed to make even the craziest serial killer shiver in fear."

"Well put." Emily said.

"It wasn't so bad." Garcia replied. "I enjoyed it."

**It'll be my version of the story with the BAU guys. The stars will be Will,****—**

"Me?!"

**Ashley,****—**

"Me?!" The junior agent repeated in shock.

**and Spencer.**

"Aaahh! I changed my mind I'm not interested."

**Ashley ****walked to her school in Forks, a small town near the Washington Coast. She was the new girl who had just moved into town. She's shy and self conscious about her appearance. Ashley didn't really fit in or open up much.**

"Way to OOC me." Seaver grumbled. "I may not have been the most popular at school but I sure as hell was never self conscious about looks. I wore what I liked and that was that."

"Alright," Morgan cheered and gave her a high five. "Now that's my type of lady."

**At her school she is befriended by several students on her first day.**

"Wait, if she's shy and doesn't open up, then how the heck does she already have so many friends?" Will questioned with a raised brow?

"And on her first day too." Reid added with the same confusion as Will.

"This is what I meant before, it's such a horrible book; no offense to Garcia that is." Seaver answered.

"What's it about?" Blake asked not being too familiar with the book.

"It revolves around a vampire and a wolf, that's about all I know from that crap."

**The one who caught her attention though, was the mysterious quiet boy, Spencer—**

"Aaahh!"

**Cullen.**

Reid frowned. "My name isn't Spencer Cullen, it's Spencer Reid."

"At least that means I'm Jacob and not Edward." Will pointed out. "Don't get me wrong both characters are horrible but Jacob is the lesser of two evils."

**It was on one special day where her view on him changed. She was about to get in her car, when suddenly another car was speeding out of control. It was headed straight towards her.**

**Ashley had no time to escape and she closed her eyes in fear, but the crash never happened. She opened her eyes to find him blocking it with one hand.**

"Isn't this the same plot as Twilight?" Garcia exclaimed.

"How would we know?" Rossi replied. "As far as I know you're the only one with familiarity to that so called book."

"And we say fanfiction shouldn't be published." Morgan joked.

**Ashley wanted to thank Spencer—**

"Aaahh!"

**but before she knew it he was gone, almost as quick as he'd appeared.**

**She really wanted to know about him, so she decided to figure out through her old childhood friend Will Black.**

"For Christ sakes!" Will complained. "Couldn't you have left my name as it is? It's bad enough I'm even in this mess."

JJ sighed. Initially her husband had been by her side to support her but now it looked as if she had to support him.

**They use to always hang out as kids so their reunion was pleasant. Ashley managed to get information out of him by flirting with him and telling him all the stuff he wanted to hear.**

Seaver twitched. "I thought my character was the shy and reserved girl, not the school skank."

**Eventually she figured out he was a vampire. A fact that intrigued her. That was also the day when Will fell in love with her.**

JJ's grip on the mouse tightened slightly.

"Just like that huh?" Will groaned. "I just randomly fall in love with her with no prior explanation."

**He knew he had serious competition as most of the boys at her school had a crush on her, while it made some girls jealous. They hated the fact that all the boys were head over heels for her.**

"Mary Sue Mary Sue! Kill it with fire!" Kevin shouted.

"Argh! Why am I being made into a Mary Sue?!"

"Yikes, that's as bad as it gets." Emily said before eying the young agent beside her sympathetically. "Don't worry Ashley, it might not get more worse than this."

Seaver sighed. "Somehow I doubt that."

Kevin placed a hand to his chin. "Hmm... now that I think about it, the character Bella does seem like a total Mary Sue."

**The next day Ashley approached the vampire boy at school.**

**"How we're you able to get to me so fast?"**

"Seriously? That's the first question that pops into her brain?" Emily asked incredulously. "I would've asked him how in the bloody heck he stopped a speeding vehicle."

"I would've just been blunt and asked him if he was really a vampire." Blake said.

"And if he came from Transylvania." Morgan joked.

**"I was standing next to you Ashley."**

**"No, you were by your car."**

**"You just won't let this go will you?"**

**"I'm not going to tell anybody, I just wanted to know the truth."**

Hotch found himself yawning. "Excuse me."

"No need to be." Kevin replied. "We all know this story sucks, especially since it's based on Twilight. All that book ever focused on is boring romances and glorifying Bella's character to no end."

"There's more to it than that Kevin," Garcia retorted. "Just read the books or better yet go watch the movies."

"And get a heart attack? No thanks I like my life."

**Spencer—**

"Aaahh!"

**had incredible powers, such as super speed, strength, immortality, and could read anyone's mind. The only mind he couldn't read was hers.**

"Hang on," Reid cut in. "If I— I mean, my character, can read everyone's mind then how come he can't read Ashley's character. Didn't it just state he can read anyone's mind?"

"What did I tell you about glorifying her character?" Kevin replied. "It's as if the maker of Twilight inserted herself into the lame character called Bella Swan."

"Bella Swan, really? That's her full name?" Morgan exclaimed. "It's as terrible sounding as Emeraldina Beautyla, the Sue we encountered."

Reid cringed. "You just had to bring that up didn't you?"

**Being a vampire, he had to drink blood to sustain himself; although usually it came in the form of animal blood and never humans.**

**He warned Ashley about befriending him, but she just wouldn't listen.**

**Slowly he fell in love with her.**

"So now I like her too?" Reid questioned in disbelief.

"I am now convinced she's a Mary Sue." JJ stated.

"I'm now convinced that some authors shouldn't even be authors." Rossi added.

**Eventually he introduced her to his family and everything was good. They all instantly accepted her and welcomed her arrival.**

"Why am I not surprised?" Emily groaned.

"It's still the same plot as Twilight." Garcia said.

"If that's what you want to call it." Kevin replied.

"Can it Kevin."

**Unfortunately for Spencer—**

"Aaahh!"

**a trio of nomadic vampires took in interest in Ashley as well.**

"Because all of us just love this character don't we?" Will snapped. "We all just took an interest in this reserved girl, who supposedly doesn't want to open up yet is chased by everyone. She sounds horribly boring yet is the belle of the ball; is the only one immune to the mind reading ability when no one else is. I see why some people would dislike this book. I can make a better story in my sleep."

"Sleep? I can poop a better story." Kevin replied.

"Shut it with the negative comments on Twilight already." Garcia retorted.

**It happened when the Cullen family and Ashley had gone out to the forest. Spencer—**

"Aaahh!"

**had managed to get Ashley alone and confess his feelings, even managing to kiss her.**

Reid and Seaver eyed each other with an embarrassed glance before slowly stepping as far away from the other as they could.

**The trio of enemy vampires appeared suddenly and declared their desire to end Ashley's life.**

"That makes four of us." Seaver muttered annoyed and embarrassed by her portrayal.

**"Who are these people?" Ashley asked her own group of vampires. "What do they want?"**

**"We'll protect you with our lives." Spencer—**

"Aaahh!"

**declared as he grabbed her hand. "Just stay back and leave this to me."**

**An - And there you have the first chapter. The next one will be the battle scene and Will is going to appear too.**

"Quick honey, get out of this!" Will urged his wife.

"Way ahead of you." JJ replied and clicked the back button. Immediately afterwards she jumped off the seat as if it were acid. "God, I couldn't read another chapter. The entire thing was just a huge mess."

"That's putting it mildly." Blake replied.

"I can't even look in the mirror anymore." Seaver added with a grimace. "I'm afraid of only seeing my Mary Sue counterpart."

"So what do you think kid?" Morgan asked as he eyed Reid with an amused expression.

Reid frowned. "Well to put it bluntly, I hate Twilight."

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**I don't necessarily hate Twilight, I just dislike Bella cuz let's face it, she's a huge Mary Sue. They had something good with the plot but when I noticed how Sue-ish Bella was and how overly romantic it was I just lost interest.**

**It's cool how here I can just let my imagination run wild! **


End file.
